Q. Why are the police desperately searching for a thief who threatens people with a lit match?
A. The cops want to catch him before he strikes again.

Q. What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.

Police Pick-Up Line: Anything you say can and will be used against you, so just say my name.

Q. Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Q. What is the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's baton?
A. One is used for cunning stunts...

Q. What did the cop with a speech impediment say to her naval piercing?
A. You are under a vest!

Q. How was the toupee shop burglary investigation going?
A. Cops have not found the stolen wigs, but they are still combing all parts of the area and brushing up on all hairy M.O.s.

Q. What was the arsonist's alibi to the cops?
A. Just another flame excuse.

Q. Which topping doesn't a cop like on his toast?
A. A traffic jam.

Q. Why did the burglar wear blue latex gloves?
A. He didn't want to be caught redhanded!

Police Pick-Up Line: I'm not here to bust you. I'm here for your bust.

Q. Why did the cop ticket the computer?
A. Because it was speeding along the information highway!

Q. Which nut is always on the side of the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!

Police Pick-Up Line: I always turn on my siren when I see a siren.

Q. What happened to the burglar who fell into a cement mixer?
A. Now, he's a hardened criminal.

Q. What did the cop say after a woman reported her wig was stolen?
A. Yes Maam, we'll comb the area.

Q. Who wrote the book, "Unsolved Mysteries?"
A. Ida Know?

Police Pick-Up Line: Do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven?

Q. Why did the cop spend his shift at the baseball park?
A. He heard somebody stole a base!

Q. Which day of the week does the guy who runs the prison electric chair like best?
A. FryDay!

Q. Which cable news anchor also moonlights as a police officer?
A. Anderson Copper.

Q. Which cop drama series do landscapers enjoy most?
A. LawN Order.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the winner of the hot dog eating contest?
A. For speed eating.

Q. Which two detective brothers lived in a distinctly Bohemian culture?
A. The Arty Boys.

Cop: Why did you park here?
Blonde: Because the sign says, "Fine for Parking."

Police Pick-Up Line: Let's go to my place for some under cover work.

Q. How does the budtender at the the Thought Police Cafe cut you off?
A. It seems like you've had a bit too much to think...

Q. Which thief steals meat?
A. The Hamburglar.

Q. Why did the police force recruit the cow?
A. Because she was a natural at udder cover work.

Q. Why did the cops ticket an alley cat?
A. For littering.

Police Pick-Up Line: If being fine was a felony, you'd be on death row.

Q. What does a frog use to deter slimy burglars?
A. A Lily-pad-lock.

Q. What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
A. A blood thirsty fangster.

Q. What does the NYPD dentist do the day after Halloween?
A. A cavity search?

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Q. Why are cops such excellent volley ball players?
A. Because they know how to serve and protect.

Q. What is the perfect hair style for a gunslinger?
A. Bangs.

Q. Which org has magazines on magazines?
A. NRA.

Q. What do you call somebody who is able to fix their own skeet gun?
A. A trouble-shooter.

Q. Why did the astronaut wear a bulletproof vest?
A. To protect himself from shooting stars.

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