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Police
Jokes, Cop Puns, Policeman Humor
Steal away with bad burglar puns, guarded laughs, forceful humor
and barely legal cop jokes.
Cop Jokes, Police Puns, Barely Legal Laughs
(Because Good Cop Jokes Could
Never Be TOO Mainstream While You're Being Read
Your Miranda Rights!) |
Warning:
Proceed with Caution! Long arm of the law humor, good cop
jokes, bad guy jokes and cop puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5 | 6 | 7
| 8 | 9 |
Arresting Jokes | Police
Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic
Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber
Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns
|
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns
| 2 | Gun
Jokes | Explosion Jokes, Bomb
Puns | Killer Humor |
| Lawyer Jokes | Judge
Jokes | Traffic Humor | Drunk
Puns | Weed Jokes | Denver
Cop Jokes |
Q.
Why are the police desperately searching for a thief who
threatens people with a lit match?
A. The cops want to catch him before he strikes again.
Q.
What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar
gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.
Police
Pick-Up Line: Anything
you say can and will be used against you, so just say my
name. |
Q.
Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing
seat belts.
Q.
What is the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's
baton?
A. One is used for cunning stunts...
Q.
What did the cop with a speech impediment say to her naval
piercing?
A. You are under a vest!
|
Q.
How was the toupee shop burglary investigation going?
A. Cops have not found the stolen wigs, but they are still
combing all parts of the area and brushing up on all hairy
M.O.s.
Q.
What was the arsonist's alibi to the cops?
A. Just another flame excuse.
Q.
Which topping doesn't a cop like on his toast?
A. A traffic jam. |
Q.
Why did the burglar wear blue latex gloves?
A. He didn't want to be caught redhanded!
Police
Pick-Up Line: I'm not here
to bust you. I'm here for your bust.
Q.
Why did the cop ticket the computer?
A. Because it was speeding along the information highway!
|
Q.
Which nut is always on the side of the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!
Police
Pick-Up Line: I always
turn on my siren when I see a siren.
Q.
What happened to the burglar who fell into a cement mixer?
A. Now, he's a hardened criminal.
|
Q.
What did the cop say after a woman reported her wig was
stolen?
A. Yes Maam, we'll comb the area.
Q.
Who wrote the book, "Unsolved Mysteries?"
A. Ida Know?
Police
Pick-Up Line: Do you know
how fast you were going when you fell from heaven? |
Q.
Why did the cop spend his shift at the baseball park?
A. He heard somebody stole a base!
Q.
Which day of the week does the guy who runs the prison electric
chair like best?
A. FryDay!
Q.
Which cable news anchor also moonlights as a police officer?
A. Anderson Copper. |
Q.
Which cop drama series do landscapers enjoy most?
A. LawN Order.
Q.
Why did the cops arrest the winner of the hot dog eating
contest?
A. For speed eating.
Q.
Which two detective brothers lived in a distinctly Bohemian
culture?
A. The Arty Boys.
|
Cop:
Why did you park here?
Blonde: Because the sign says, "Fine for Parking."
Police
Pick-Up Line: Let's go
to my place for some under cover work.
Q.
How does the budtender at the the Thought Police Cafe cut
you off?
A. It seems like you've had a bit too much to think...
|
Q.
Which thief steals meat?
A. The Hamburglar.
Q.
Why did the police force recruit the cow?
A. Because she was a natural at udder cover work.
Q.
Why did the cops ticket an alley cat?
A. For littering.
Police
Pick-Up Line: If being
fine was a felony, you'd be on death row.
Q.
What does a frog use to deter slimy burglars?
A. A Lily-pad-lock. |
Q.
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
A. A blood thirsty fangster.
Q.
What does the NYPD dentist do the day after Halloween?
A. A cavity search?
Q.
Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.
Q.
Why are cops such excellent volley ball players?
A. Because they know how to serve and protect.
|
Q.
What is the perfect hair style for a gunslinger?
A. Bangs.
Q.
Which org has magazines on magazines?
A. NRA.
Q.
What do you call somebody who is able to fix their own skeet
gun?
A. A trouble-shooter.
Q.
Why did the astronaut wear a bulletproof vest?
A. To protect himself from shooting stars. |
|
Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes
| 2 | 3 |
4 | 5 | 6
| 7 | 8 |
9 | Police
Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic
Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber
Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns
|
| Gun Jokes, Pistol Puns, Bullet Humor
| Judge Jokes, Courtroom LOLs |
Explosive Bomb Puns |
| Denver Cop Puns | Arresting
Jokes | Animal Crimie Jokes
| Farm Criminal LOLs, Cow Cop Puns
|
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns
| 2 | Lawyer
Jokes, Attorney Puns | Killer Friday
13th LOLs |
| Fireman Jokes, Arson Puns | Military
Jokes, Soldier Puns | Politician
Jokes, Political Puns |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk
Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug
Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero
Puns |
| Job Jokes | Actor
Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut
Puns | Athlete Jokes | Auto
Mechanic Puns |
| Baker Jokes | Bartender
Jokes | Chef Puns | Electrician
Jokes | Home Contractor Humor
|
| Locksmith Puns | Magician
| Musician | Plumber
| Psychic Jokes | Shrink
Puns | Tech Support |

You're not handcuffed, so here's
more
guarded
humor, arresting jokes,
and forceful painful
puns to keep you clear of the long
arm of the law:
|
More
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Jokes | Bloody Funny Puns |
Colorado Jokes | Dog
Jokes | Fitness Humor | Friday
Jokes |
| Hipster Jokes | Music
Jokes | Phone Jokes |
Pick-Up Lines | Pig Jokes | Pirate
Jokes | Road Crossing Jokes |
| Sasquatch Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Stoner Jokes | Superman
Jokes | Travel Puns |
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