Eye Doctor Jokes.

Q.
Which kind of humor do optometrists appreciate the most?

A. Eye-rony.

Q.
What is an eye doctor's favorite legume?

A. Black-eyed peas.

Q.
Why can't an eye doctor count to 3?

A. Because they always get stuck on 1, or 2, or 1, or 2...

An
ophthalmologist, optometrist, and optician walked into a
bar. Bartender says, "Wow, I didn't see this joke
coming."

Q.
Which type of humor simply turns an eye doctor's stomach?

A. Sight gags.

Q.
What happened to the optician who had the foresight to perform
at the comedy club?

A. He made a spectacle of himself!

Q.
What does an eye doctor say when you ask if he wants to
hear a joke?

A. Sure! And, the cornea, the better!

Q.
What does it take to become noticed as a famous eyewear
designer?

A. A focus on fashion and an eye for st-eye-l.

Q.
What did the eye doctor say when the patient asked him to
pause the eye test because he had to go to the restroom?

A. Number 1, or number 2?

Patient:
Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank!

Eye-ronic
Laugh of the Day: People who look at their butt in the mirror
and see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye condition
called Asspigmatism.

Q.
What did the optometrist comedian call his comedy club act?

A. A Cornea-copia of Eye Jokes.

Focused
Fact of the Day: It is not blind luck when you find a great
eye doctor!

Q.
Why was the patient so stunned when the eye doctor told
him he was colorblind?

A. Because that came right out of the blue.

Q.
Why are eye doctors always so smart?

A. Because they were such good pupils.

Q.
What does it take to become a famous eyewear designer?

A. A flair for fashion and stye-lish eye-deas.

Q.
What is an eyeball's favorite time of the day?

A. Twelve O'clock Eye!

Q.
How do you pay for P.A.L. (Progressive Addition Lenses)?

A. With PayPAL.

Grandpa
was given a selfie stick for Christmas. Turns out he can
now hold the phone far enough away to read his text messages.

Patient:
I have yellow eyes. What should I do?

Jokester Eye Doc: Wear a brown suit.

Q.
Why was the new eye glasses shop so profitable and popular?

A. Because the optician was a keen eye-deal-ist.

Q.
What did the guy say when he bumped into a friend right
after getting new glasses?

A. Hey, long time, no see!

Q.
How do you know if eyes are flirting with you?

A. They go: Wink, Wink!

Q.
What did the eyeball say when it tasted cheesecake?

A. That's too eye for!

Q.
Why did the leopard go to the eye doctor?

A. Because she was seeing spots.

Q.
Aye matey, why did the pirate become an optometrist?

A. He had a love for the eye sees.

See
Sick Pick Up Line: Hey babe,
your eyes are bluer than the ocean, and I am lost at see.

Q.
What does an eyeball call Denver, Colorado?

A. The Mile Eye City.

Q.
What is a must-see destination for an eye doctor
vacationing in Paris?

A. The Eye-Full Tower!

Patient:
I get a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink hot tea.

Eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon from the cup?

Q.
What did the Colorado eye doctor say when questioned about
his jokes?

A. My puns are corneas taco shells!

Q.
What does an eye doctor say when his puppy acts up?

A. Eye Chihuahua!

Myopic
Vision Issue of the Day: My eye doctor said I have bad vision,
but I don't see the problem?

Q.
What did the optometrist say to the monster, vampire, and
zombie patients in his office lobby?

A. You vill see. You vill all see! Muhahahaha!

Looking
for something to tickle her funny bone? Just make a couple
of hum-iris witticisms!

Optician:
It looks like you need glasses.

Patient: But, I'm wearing glasses.

Optician: Then I must need glasses...

An
optician noted that patients come in all the time, embarrassed
that they'd sat on their glasses. As he readjusts their
frames, he wonders if Hindsight really is 20/20?

Q.
Why was the guy with pink eye so happy he surfed into the
eye doctor's web page?

A. Because it was a site for sore eyes!

Q.
What is the title of the eye doctor's favorite porno?

A. Rods and Cones.

Clearly
Funny Pick-Up Line: Hey
baby, your eyes are as blue as window cleaner!

Q.
How did the eye doctor greet his new one-eyed pirate patient?

A. Eye Matey!

Q.
What does a pirate use to remedy security issues in his
computer?

A. An eye patch.

Q.
Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than
urologists?

A. Because eye doctors dilate!

Q.
What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the
police solve crimes?

A. A Private Eye Doctor.

Q.
Why was the optometrist served a subpoena to testify in
the trial?

A. He was an excellent eye witness.

Blind
Confusion of the Day: I thought I went to an Alaskan eye
doctor today, but it was actually an optical Aleutian.

Q.
Which day of the week do eye care professionals like most?

A. Freaky Eye-day.

Q.
How are eye doctors and school teachers alike?

A. They both test the pupils and quiz you about what you
just read.

Q.
How do eye doctors describe their work?

A. As an eye-opening experience!

Q.
Why did the seer visit her eye doctor?

A. Because she needed her visions checked.

Nostalgic
Insight: My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye
doctor when I was five years old. Everything before that
is a mere blur.

Q.
Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses
she bought for her husband?

A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Colorblind
Pick Up Line: Hey babe,
no wonder the sky is gray today. All the blue is in your
eyes.

Q.
What is another name for an eye dropper?

A. A bad eye doctor.

Myopic
Squint of the Day: Guess who I bumped into at my optometrist's
office today? Everyone!

Q.
What did the first-grader say after his first visit to the
eye doctor?

A. I can see, but that guy really can't spell!

Focused
Fact of the Day: Eye doctors know how to blur the line between
genius and insanity.

Q.
Why are there so few ophthalmology jokes?

A. Because ophthalmologists are the only ones who can spell
that, and they don't think ophthalmology jokes are funny
at all!

Patient:
I keep seeing double.

Eye Doctor: Well, just sit in that chair.

Patient: Which one?

Optician:
Be sure to store your glasses in case.

Blonde patient: In case of what?

Q.
Why did the concert pianist go to his eye doctor?

A. Because he couldn't C Sharp.

Blurry
Pick Up Line: Hey girl,
your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl!

Q.
Why did Satan come after the eye doctor?

A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!

Q.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A. Still No Idea!

Q.
Why did the gangster have to see an eye doctor?

A. He had glock-oma.

Q.
What is an ophthalmologist's favorite song of all time?

A. Eye Of The Tiger.

Q.
Why are eye doctors happy to see drunks?

A. Because everything is a blur.

Q.
Why did the blonde say when she called in sick?

A. I have an eye problem. I can't see myself coming
in today.

Q.
Why did the eye doctor tell his patient, Gary, that he had
Wacked Out Comic Strip Syndrome?

A. Because he was FarSided.

Old
eye doctors never die. They just loose their focus.

A
man goes to an eye doctor and says, "I keep seeing
spots in front of my eyes." Receptionist asks, "Have
you ever seen a doctor?" The man replies, "No,
just spots."

Q.
What do you call a vampire eye doctor?

A. Count Drocular.

Blind
Laugh of the Day: I had an appointment with an eye doctor
today, but something came up and I couldn't see him.

Q.
Why did the patients all love the new eye doctor?

A. Because he was a true visionary.

Blurry
Funny Pick Up Line: Hey
girl, are you a magician? 'Cause when I look into your eyes,
everything else disappears.

Q.
What did the eye doctor say to the zombie during the exam?

A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

Q.
Which kind of animal always wears UV-coated sunglasses?

A. A solar bear.

Q.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A. FSH.

Q.
Why did the psychic drink so much?

A. She heard alcohol could double her vision.

Q.
How can you tell you've got a great optometrist?

A. His eye puns are as corneas it gets!

Q.
What is brown and hairy, and wears sunglasses at the beach?

A. A coconut on vacation!

Q.
Which vegetable do eye doctors really eat up?

A. Potatoes, because they have so many eyes.

Q.
Why will so many eye doctors fear that they'll go out of
business at midnight on 1-31-19?

A. Because everyone will have 2020 vision!

Q.
Why did the psychic go to her eye doctor?

A. She was having a hard time seeing into the future.