Fart Jokes.

When
people hug you, fart really loudly. You'll make them feel
very strong!

Q.
Why are men's farts louder than lady farts?

A. Because men have a microphone and two speakers.

Why
fart and waste, when you can burp and taste?

Q.
Why did the punster resist the urge to tell a fart joke?

A. Because it would stink.

Q.
What do mining engineers call it when a group of miners
all fart at the same time?

A. An excess stench hole crisis.

Gassy
Point to Ponder: If you fart while traveling at the speed
of light, would you smell it before you heard it?

Q.
What do paleontologists call dinosaur farts?

A. A blast from the past.

Q.
What do you call farts caused by eating refried beans along
with onions?

A. Tear Gas!

Q.
What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans?

A. Puss 'n Toots.

Q.
When does a renewable energy turbine blush?

A. When it breaks wind.

I
farted at work today. They called in the plumbers to look
for a leak in the sewage system.

Q.
Why did the standup comedian stop telling fart jokes?

A. Because everybody said they stink!

Q.
What should you say after farting loudly in a public restroom?

A. Systems check cleared, ready for drop!

Q.
Why do farts smell?

A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.

Q.
What does MENSA call it when a group of geniuses get together
to work up brain farts?

A. A stink tank.

Q.
Why are Ninja farts so dangerous?

A. Because they are silent, yet deadly!

Q.
Why do cherry trees stink?

A. Because George Washington cut one!

Q.
Why do comedians in Colorado tell brief fart jokes?

A. Because the air is thinner up there.

Flatulent
Point to Ponder: Do clown farts smell funny? EW!

Q.
What is the first rule of scuba diving?

A. Never fart inside your wet suit!

Q.
What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A. A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave
a hole.

Q.
How do you know if a fart was really bad?

A. The EPA cited it for an air polution violation.

Q.
What do you call a teacher who only farts in front of students?

A. A private tooter.

Q.
Why don't skeletons ever fart in front of others?

A. Because they don't have the guts.

Q.
Why shouldn't you ever fart on an elevator?

A. Because it's so wrong, on so many levels!

Gassy
Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, somebody
farted, so lets get out of here, NOW!

Q.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart?

A. You're the wind beneath my wings.

Q.
Why shouldn't you ever fart in church?

A. Because you have to sit in your pew!

Q.
What did the little turd say to the big fart?

A. Wow, you just blew me away!

Q.
Why don't comedians in Colorado tell brief fart jokes?

A. Because they wear boxers.

Q.
Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Because the rooster farted.

Why
do I fart? Because it's the only gas I can afford!

Q.
How does a fart refer to the love of his brief life?

A. Poopsie.

Q.
What is the difference between Mozart and methane?

A. One is music to your ears and the other is music from
the rear.

If
a king farts, is it a noble gas?

Flatuent
Point to Ponder: If people talk about you behind you back,
is that the same as a fart?

Crappy
Point to Ponder: If pooping is the call of nature, then
is a fart a missed call?

Bathroom
Pick-Up Line: My love for you
is just like a fart. I just can't hold it in.

Love
is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh*t!

Q.
Why did the constipated leprechaun go to the doctor?

A. He could only fart rainbows.

I
was out delivering leaflets today. Unfortunately, I let
one rip...

Q.
How can you tell if your aquarium has extra bubbles because
your clown fish just farted?

A. It smells funny.

Q.
What happens if you pull on Mr. Data's index finger?

A. He expels hydraulic pressure through a usually unnoticed
orifice of his anatomy.

Q.
What do you call a caveman fart?

A. A blast from the past.

Q.
What did Flatulence of Borg say before assimilating his
victims?

A. Prepare to pull my finger.

Q.
What is a fart?

A. The lonely cry of an abandoned turd.

Q.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?

A. Oh gosh, that horrible smell is coming from the corridor.

Q.
What do you call a guy who only farts in front of associates?

A. A private tooter.

Q.
What did the poop say to the fart?

A. Wow, you just blew me away!

Q.
What does a bruin's fart smell like in the woods?

A. It's absolutely un-bearable!

Q.
What is a a silent, but deadly, dinosaur fart called?

A. An ex-stinck-tion event.

Q.
How are children just like farts?

A. Your own are bearable, but everybody else's are real
stinkers.

Q.
Why don't farts graduate from high school?

A. Because they always end up getting expelled!

Q.
What should you say after farting loudly in a public restroom?

A. Pardon me, I need to get that fixed.

Q.
Why shouldn't you be afraid to fart while you pee?

A. 'Cause it's just like rain with a little thunder.

A
man accidentally farts loudly at a party. Another man growls,
"How dare you fart before my sister!" The farter
replies, "Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn."

Who
else is glad that Tootsday and Turdsday are two days apart?

Q.
After eating chili, how do you know it's really cold outside?

A. You just farted a trail of snowflakes.

I
would make a fart joke, but I'm afraid it would stink!

Q.
What do you call a TV episode that's dedicated to past flatulence?

A. A gassy montage.

Q.
What do they call a T-Rex fart at Denver's Museum of Nature
and Science?

A. A blast from the past.

Q.
Why do Denver Broncos fart?

A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!