Toilet Jokes.

Q.
Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?

A. He scares the sh*t out of it!

Q.
Why don't elevators have toilets?

A. Because that's taking shit to a whole new level.

Q.
How does an Aussie toilet greet you?

A. Bidet, Mate!

Q.
How is getting an Amber Alert while you're on the toilet
like winning the lottery?

A. Those alerts are designed to scare the crap out of you!

Q.
What did the toilet say when a naked tailor walked into
the bathroom?

A. Seat yourself.

Q.
How do you know if a toilet is lying to you?

A. Just look inside to see if it's full of shit.

21st
Century Toilet Point to Ponder: What kind of graphic symbol
is PC and acceptable to display to label a public
uni-sex restroom?

If
pizzas were manhole covers, the sewer would be paradise.
– Ed Norton

Q.
What did the rectum say to the toilet?

A. There goes all my hard work, right down the drain.

A
guy bought a toilet brush because he saw one in every other
bathroom. But, after giving it a whirl, he decided to go
back to using toilet paper.

We
apologize if Painful
Puns toilet jokes make you laugh so hard that you
pee a little bit.

Q.
What's the difference between a bodybuilder and a plumber?

A. A plumber's pipes always stay hard.

Q.
Why is the new high tech toilet so popular?

A. Because it comes with 100s of downloadable books.

Q.
How many plumbers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to get the beer, and another to call an electrician.

Toilet
Point to Ponder: When pee jokes are not funny, why don't
we get pissed off?

Q.
Why are toilet jokes so funny?

A. Because they really crack you up!

Q.
Why did the cop sit on the toilet?

A. To do his duty.

Q.
Why did the guy always smash up bathrooms decorated with
ceramics?

A. Because he had a wreck tile dysfunction!

Q.
What did the convenience store clerk say to the customer
who asked if they had a public toilet?

A. Urine Luck.

A
plumber is the only guy who can take a leak and fix one,
too.

Q.
Why was the guy alarmed after using the toilet and taking
a really huge dump?

A. Because he feared he lost one turd of his weight.

Q.
What's it called when a big scary ghost poops in your toilet
and doesn't flush?

A. A spooky dookie.

Toilet
Point to Ponder: Do funny urine jokes piss you off?

Q.
Why shouldn't you play poker with a plumber?

A. A good flush beats a full house every time!

Q.
What do you call a TV episode that's dedicated to past flatulence?

A. A gassy montage.

Q.
Why did the basketball player go to the toilet?

A. Because he was dribbling.

Q.
In England, what rank are you when you're in the bathroom?

A. Loo-tenant.

Q.
What happens when kids are playing in the garden and don't
tell you they have to use the toilet?

A. They soil themselves.

Q.
What happens after you spray orange-scented air freshener
into your toilet?

A. Then it smells like shitrus.

Plumbers
are the only folks who can feel good about being sh*tty!

When
a cow in the sky drops a pie in your eye, that's amore?
Wham! Smells like being a superhero isn't all it's cracked
up to be.

Q.
Why did the guy name his toilet Jim?

A. So that he could tell everybody that he goes to the Jim
everyday.

Q.
Why should you always tip the toilet attendant?

A. Because he's certainly seen some shit.

When
you're climbing up a ladder, and you feel something splatter...
Holy Crap! Diarrhea!

Q.
What is the technical term for an airplane toilet that's
in use?

A. A hypotenuse.

Q.
What happened when a guy asked an attractive woman to meet
him in the restroom?

A. She totally blew him off.

Q.
What is the most popular type of bathroom jokes in Denver?

A. Broncos are #1!

Q.
Where do football players go before the big game?

A. The Toilet Bowl.

Q.
What is the most popular type of bathroom joke?

A. Urine is the clear winner at #1, but poop is a solid
#2!

Q.
Why did the Energize Bunny spend so much time in the bathroom?

A. Because he just kept going and going...

Q.
What do you call an experimental high tech toilet made out
of iron, carbon, and aluminum?

A. A FeCAl Matter.

Q.
What do you call a person who picks plums?

A. A Plumber!

Q.
What happens when you miss the toilet bowl?

A. Urine trouble with your wife.

Q.
What do you call somebody who talks to others while using
a public toilet?

A. A urinarrator.

Q.
What do you call a fart in German?

A. Fartfropoopin!

Did
you hear somebody broke into the Mayberry Sheriff's office
and stole the toilet? Barney has nothing to go on...

Q.
Why did the lawyer ask the witness if he had to go to the
toilet?

A. Because his testimony was full of crap.

A
peephole was discovered in the women's restroom at work
today. The cops are looking into it...

Don't
you just hate it when you call a plumber, and all he does
is eat mushrooms and kill your turtles?

Q.
Why do pterodactyls pee on the side of the toilet bowl at
night?

A. Because the P is silent.

Q.
What is another name for the handicapped toilet in the restroom?

A. A handicrapped zone.