Pee Jokes.

Looking
for jokes about the urinary system? Well, urine luck!

Q.
Why did the guy take a urine test today?

A. His kleptomania had gotten out of hand...

Q.
What is the most popular type of bathroom joke?

A. Urine is the clear winner at #1, but poop is a solid
#2!

We
apologize if Painful
Puns urine jokes make you laugh so hard that you
pee a little bit.

Q.
What degree do you need to examine video urine samples made
at various resolutions?

A. A peeH.d.

Urologists
have been blessed with golden opportunities, know how to
go with the flow, and make the lives of their patients a
wee bit better.

Pee
Point to Ponder: Do funny urine jokes piss you off?

Q.
How are urinals made functional?

A. They get installed.

Q.
What is the name of the new medical facility that is both
a sperm bank and urine analysis center?

A. Coming and Going.

Q.
What is the difference between a neurologist and an urologist?

A. Nothing, if you're a dickhead.

Did
you hear about the charismatic urologist? He can charm the
pants off just about anyone!

Q.
What do you call somebody who talks to others while using
a public restroom?

A. A urinarrator.

Q.
What do you call crystal clear urine?

A. 1080pee.

Q.
Why don't men install urinals in their bathrooms at home?

A. Because their wives just wouldn't stand for it.

Q.
Why did the Scotsman have to see an urologist?

A. 'Cause he had a wee bit of a problem.

You
know, if you pee in the swimming pool, urine trouble!

Q.
What do you call a non-religious urologist?

A. An apostate feelin' your prostate.

I
saw my urologist the other day, and he really pissed me
off!

Q.
How did the hospital basketball league end the season?

A. Urologist's team came in #1, but proctologists were a
solid #2.

Q.
Why did the rooster cross the road to go to the urinal?

A. Because that's where all the cocks hang out.

Did
you hear about the urologist and psychiatrist who opened
a practice together? They call it Franks and Beans.

Sign
at the Urologist Office: Urine Good Hands.

Q.
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A. One pricks your finger and the other fingers your prick.
OUCH!

Q.
What do you get when blind guy tries to talk to you at a
urinal?

A. Wet.

Q.
What is every urologist's favorite rap group?

A. ICP.

With
age comes the skill of multi-tasking. Soon you'll be able
to laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time.

Q.
What is the difference between orthopedic doctors and urologists?

A. Urologists only work on one bone.

Q.
At the urologist's office, what is a cystoscope?

A. A device with a prick on both ends.

A
guy saw a penny in a urinal and wondered what they'd wished
for. Now, he's wishing for a dry pocket...

Q.
Why do urologists always seem so selfish?

A. Because it's all about number one.

What
idiot named it Erectile Dysfunction instead of Ballzheimer's?
Betting his name was Ed.

Q.
Why is it called a urine test?

A. Because if you fail it, urine trouble.

Q.
How does a urologist diagnose hypospadias on an EKG?

A. Inverted P Waves.

Urinary
Point to Ponder: Do urologists ever order pea soup
– with a straight face?

Q.
Why are the urologist's pee jokes always so funny?

A. Because he always goes with the flow.

Q.
What does a urologist shout out when he makes a medical
breakthrough?

A. Urethra!

Q.
What's it called when you use a pay toilet in France?

A. Euro peein'.

Q.
What is a urologist's favorite keyboard shortcut?

A. Control-P.

Q.
Why dosn't the urologist accept patients that live on islands?

A. Because he only deals with in-continent patients.

Q.
Why is #1 yellow?

A. Because it's afraid of #2!

Q.
Why do men hate peeing in the child-sized urinals?

A. Because that's beneath them.

Q.
What's the difference between a podiatrist and an urologist?

A. One is a lot more impressed if you give him a foot.

Q.
Why shouldn't you be afraid to fart while you pee?

A. 'Cause it's just like rain with a little thunder.

Urine
it to win it?

#1
Point to Ponder: When pee jokes are not funny, why don't
we get pissed off?

Q.
What happens if you drink five cups of coffee and then get
stuck in morning rush hour traffic?

A. Urine Trouble!

Q.
What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

A. Peers.

Q.
Why didn't the urology student finish his studies?

A. He couldn't handle the testes.

Your
kidney stone test came back. You didn't pass...

Q.
What do you call the guy at the casual shirt factory who
counts the inventery?

A. A tee-totaler. Incidentally, he did have to pass a pee
test to get his job.

Q.
Why do pterodactyls pee on the side of the toilet bowl at
night?

A. Because the P is silent.

Q.
What did the Urologist say to his honey on February 14?

A. Will you pee my Valentine?

Q.
Why is sperm white and urine yellow?

A. So that men can tell if they're coming or going!

Q.
What did the urologist say to the associate doctor when
he hired him?

A. Urine.

Sometimes
I laugh so hard that tears run down my leg...

Q.
Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than
urologists?

A. Because eye doctors dilate!

Q.
What do urologists call a sperm whale that can't perform?

A. Mopey Dick.

Q.
What do hoppy craft beers and Canadian urinals have in common?

A. I pee, eh.

Q.
Why do some scientists have cameras on their toilets?

A. Because they want to see their pee HD.

Q.
When the urinal said, "You're full of shit," what did the
toilet say?

A. Piss Off.

May
your cup runneth over, unless it's that urine specimen cup
you're trying to hand me.

Q.
Why does the urologist just dread his job some days?

A. Because all his patients are dicks.

Q.
What did one kidney say to another at the gym?

A. You're in for a workout.

Q.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?

A. 'Cause the Pee is silent.

Q.
What happens when you miss the toilet bowl?

A. Urine trouble with your wife.

Q.
What do you call a southern urologist who really enjoys
legumes?

A. Peanut.

Q.
What did Frosty the Snowman say to the dog who peed on him?

A. If I had legs, I'd kick your butt!

Q.
Why did the med student decide to specialize in urology?

A. Because he liked to play with balls.

Q.
What is the opposite of urine?

A. You're out!

Q.
Which kind of dinosaur suffered from incontinence?

A. Pee-Rex.

Q.
What do you call an obese weatherman that studies penises?

A. A meaty-urologist.

Q.
What did the convenience store clerk say to the customer
who asked if they had a public restroom?

A. Urine Luck.

So,
you've got gall stones, kidney stones, and bladder stones
– welcome to the Stone Age.

Q.
What do you call a cheap circumsision?

A. A real rip-off.

Q.
Why did the urologist cross the road?

A. To pee what was on the other side.

Q.
What is the name of the surgery where a man gets a penis
enlargement?

A. Addalittledictamy.

Q.
Why did the guy's wife leave him after he spent all their
money on multiple penis enlargement surgeries?

A. Because she just couldn't take it any longer.

Q.
What happened when the guy mixed up his depression medication
with Viagra?

A. No matter how he tried, everything just kept getting
harder and harder.

Police
were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist
was reportedly shot in the face. They arrived to a sticky
hostage situation.

Q.
How does a guy cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?

A. He says he just can't come.

Q.
Why is it so hard to train a French bulldog?

A. 'Cause they go oui oui all over the house.

Go
Broncos! Just go with the flow! Urine our thoughts!

Q.
What is the most popular type of bathroom jokes in Denver?

A. Broncos are #1!

Q.
Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

A. Because he was dribbling.

Q.
What did the guy call it when he dropped his ED drugs?

A. Viagra Falls.

Q.
What happened after a truckload of Viagra was stolen?

A. Police are still on the lookout for hardened
criminals.

Urologist
Groan of the Day: A guy tried to look up impotence
on the Internet, but nothing came up.

Q.
What is the meaning of impotent?

A. Distinguished and well-know.

Q.
What happened after Grandpa got a prescription for Viagra?

A. Grandma's taking it pretty hard...

The
nurse at the sperm bank told a guy to masturbate in the
cup. He told her, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready
to compete."

A
guy just found out you can sell sperm to a sperm bank. All
these years he'd been letting potential income slip through
his fingers.

Q.
Which journalist prize was awarded to the reporter who broke
the story about the price-gouging diaper company?

A. A Pee Body Award.

Did
you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a
beverage? It's marketed under the name, Red Bull.

Q.
What do you call a mustache soaked in urine?

A. Pis-tachio.

A
guy walks into the urologist's office carrying a console
and says, "Doc, I think there's something wrong with my
wii."

Q.
What should you wear to a truly scary haunted house?

A. Depends. Not a joke – Wear Depends!

Q.
Why didn't the guy have to take Viagra after visiting the
haunted house?

A. 'Cause he was already scared stiff!

Q.
What is the pharmaceutical name for the drug, Viagra?

A. MyCocksaFloppin.

Q.
Why does Donald Trump only get his Viagra from American
pharmaceutical sources?

A. Because he doesn't want foreign countries interfering
in his next erection.

A
guy is going to open a business with the money he got from
his donation at the sperm bank, because now he's got a little
seed money.

Q.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients
when they leave?

A. Thanks for coming!

Q.
Why shouldn't you ever pee in Clear Creek near Golden, Colorado?

A. 'Cause that's where Coors is brewed.