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Horse Humor.
Horse Humor: Gallp in for mane-ingful horse jokes, equine humor, colt laughs, pony puns, donkey jokes, neigh-borhood humor and mare-y funny horse puns.
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More wordplay: 53 text jokes
Q.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
A. Stable.
Q.
Why did the owners name the hot new race horse Bad News?
A. Because Bad News travels fast!
Q.
What do you call the horse that lives next door?
A. Neighbor.
Q.
What do horses wrap their leftovers in?
A. Aluminum foal.
Colt
Pick-Up Line: Hay
Mare, wanna horse around?
Q.
How do you get a horse drunk?
A. Drink him under the stable.
Q.
Why did the scum bag owner name his race horse My Face?
A. He wanted to hear the crowd cheer, "Come On,
My Face!"
Q.
How do you get a wild stallion to accept a halter?
A. Turn the stables on him.
Q.
What kind of horse loves Friday the 13th?
A. A Nightmare!
Horsey
Pick-Up Line: Hello Mare, wanna go for a roll in the hay?
Q.
What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?
A. A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye!
Q.
What do you call a donkey with a drinking problem?
A. Wine Gl-ass.
Q.
Which NFL football team matchup is always a winner for donkey
fans?
A. Colts vs Broncos.
Q.
How do you compliment a donkey?
A. Hay, nice ass!
Q.
What do you call the condition Denver Broncos fans get from
cheering too hard?
A. Bronchitis!
Q.
How do you know if a colt is sick?
A. He feels a little hoarse.
Q.
Which kind of horse likes to be ridden after dark?
A. A Nightmare.
Q.
Who rode a horse up the hill to fetch a pail of water?
A. Jockey and Jill.
Q.
Why is horse racing so romantic?
A. Because the horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his
arms around the horse, and you kiss your money goodbye!
Q.
What is a horse's favorite state?
A. Neighbraska!
Q.
What do you get if you cross a horse and a smoke alarm?
A. Neigh Buzz.
Q.
What kind of horse likes to be ridden on Halloween?
A. A Nightmare!
Q.
Where do horses go when they're sick?
A. To the horse-pital!
Q.
Why did the blonde feed her horse so much hay?
A. She thought it would make him softer to ride on.
Q.
Which NFL football team do horses and donkeys always root
for ?
A. The Denver Broncos!
Q.
How do you hire a horse?
A. With two pairs of stilts.
Q.
What do you call a scary female horse?
A. A nightmare!
Q.
What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?
A. Please clear the stable.
Q.
What award is given to the horse who drank the most water?
A. A nice little trough-y.
Q.
What did the jockey say when asked to train the young race
horse?
A. I'll get ride on it!
Q.
What did the waiter say to the horse?
A. I can't take your order. That's not my stable.
A
man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks,
"Why the short face?"
Q.
What happened after a team of horses swallowed four quarters?
A. It lost the Super Bowl.
Q.
What did the couple say after they bought a house on horse
property in Castle Rock, Colorado?
A. They love their new neigh-bors!
Q.
What do you call a donkey that keeps time?
A. An hourgl-ass.
Q.
What do you call a donkey who's afraid to speak up?
A. Candy Ass.
Q.
What is a donkey's favorite garden tool?
A. The wheel-burro!
Horse
Pick-Up Line: Hay girl,
are your hooves sore? 'Cause you've been galloping through
my dreams all night long.
Q.
What are zebras?
A. Horses that escaped from jail.
Q.
Which NFL Super Bowl matchup caused the most arguing on
the ranch outside Denver?
A. Cowboys vs Broncos.
Q.
Which baseball team frightens horses in Arizona the most?
A. The Diamondbacks.
Q.
Which kind of horses only go out at night?
A. Nightmares.
Horse
Hookup Line: Hay lady, would you like to star in my cowboy
movie? You can ride my pony all night long.
Did
you hear about the horse with a negative attitude? She always
said, "Neigh."
Q.
Why does the rancher call his son Seabisquit?
A. Because he was always horsing around.
Q.
Why are horses such bad dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet!
Q.
Why did the horse rock out to really loud music?
A. Because he liked being a herd animal.
Horse
Pick-Up Line: Hay there, you must be tired, 'cause you've
been trotting through my mind all day!
Q.
What is the best kind of story to tell a runaway horse?
A. A Tale of Whoa!
Q.
Which side of the horse has the most hair?
A. The outside.
Q.
What is by far the hardest thing about riding a horse?
A. The Ground!
Q.
How did the horse riding instructor get more clients?
A. He decided to stirrup some new business.
Horse
Pick-Up Line: Hey Filly, how 'bout I be your gallant steed
and you be my knight, riding me all night long?