Garden Plant Jokes.

Q.
What did one hungry garden plant say to its neighbor?

A. I could use a light snack.

Q.
How is a Bach concerto like a green growing garden plant?

A. Both are organic.

Q.
What do healthy plants say to encourage a weary gardener?

A. Peat, I be-leaf in you!

Q.
What does a comedian flower plant say after it tells a teaser
joke?

A. Not! I was just pollen your leg.

Green
Wisdom: Gardening is just another day at the plant!

Q.
Which type of garden plant sounds like it was recently on
the losing end of a fight?

A. The Black-Eyed Susan.

When
the gardener's wife said she was leaving him because of
his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is
this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

Q.
What is it called when a flower plant gives head?

A. Floral.

Q.
Which variety of flower plant swears?

A. Hibiscusses.

Q.
Which kind of show do quiet flora fans really dig?

A. Plantomime.

Q.
What did the dandelion seed head say to razz the gardener?

A. Blow me!

Q.
Why are there so few good invasive plant jokes?

A. Because weeds are no laughing matter.

Q.
What did the petunia say to the weed growing beside
it?

A. Move over, Bud!

Q.
Whcih kind of lawn seed do cutting-edge comedians prefer
in their turf?

A. Wry grass.

Q.
What does a thirsty lawn do to survive through dry spells?

A. It has to make dew.

Q.
Did you hear the latest gardening joke about the cannabis
plants?

A. It'll leaf you laughing.

Garden
Plant Rap of the Day: Sedges, like hedges have edges. Grasses,
like asses, have holes...

Q.
Why is botany such a tough subject?

A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

Today's
Gardening Factoid: The research assistant couldn't experiment
with plants because he hadn't botany.

Q.
What did the gardener say to her new unurly snapdragon plants?

A. You're grounded!

Q.
What did the homeowners do before installing their new landscaping?

A. A little ground work.

Q.
Why shouldn't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?

A. You don't want to press your luck.

Q.
How did the camper end up with a poison ivy rash in his
hair?

A. It was a real head-scrathcer.

Q.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked
through poison ivy?

A. You scratch my beak, I'll scratch yours.

Q.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?

A. The arbor-ate-em.

Q.
Which kind of house plants are flies afraid of?

A. Spider plants!

Plant
Lovers Pick Up Line: Are you a botanist? 'Cause I'm lichen
you!

Q.
How does a method actor portray a silent tree?

A. By plant-omime.

Q.
Why did the greenhouse worker quit her job?

A. 'Cause it just wasn't growing anywhere.

Q.
What happened after a garden plant took a math class?

A. It grew square roots!

Growing
Groan of the Day: When the garden plant couldn't absorb
water properly, it sought a xylem.

Q.
Why is plant science attractive to fugitives?

A. Botony gives you xylem.

Garden
Plant Point to Ponder: Do botanists have all the anthers?

Q.
Which beer do plant enthusiaists and botanists prefer?

A. Budweiser!

Q.
What do you call it when your begonia plant never blooms?

A. A bud omen.

Q.
Which kind of flowers grow in outer space?

A. Sunflowers, moonflowers, and cosmos!

Q.
What do you get if you cross a burglar and a plant with
purple flowers?

A. Robbery with violets.

Q.
Which kind of flowering plants attract beneficial insects
to the garden?

A. Bee-gonias.

Q.
Which kind of plant can whistle the best?

A. Tulips.

Q.
What did the flowering plant use an online dating app?

A. It was looking for some-buddy to love.

Q.
Which liquid plant food is a treat for flowers?

A. Root beer.

Q.
Why didn't the feminist blonde gardener pull out one particular
kind of unwanted plant?

A. 'Cause it was chickweed. DUH!

"Weed
'Em and Reap" is funny, but if you accidentally pull
out your wife's flower plants it's: "Weed 'Em and Weep,"
and that's not funny at all.

Q.
Which unwanted garden plant is truly something to sneeze
at?

A. Ragweed.

Q.
Which little plant likes to invade trendy, stylish gardens?

A. Chic-weed.

Q.
Which melody will you hear when your neighbor is yanking
out unwanted plants?

A. Thistle While You Work.

Q.
What did the gardener say to the invasive bindweed?

A. Let grow of me, @#$%!

Q.
What did the new upstart plant nursery ultimately suffer?

A. Growing pains.

Q.
Why is the body of that particular plant considered vulgar?

A. Because it's a thallic symbol.

Q. Why did a Brontosaurus devour the factory?

A. Because they were plant eaters.

Q.
What do plant cheerleaders say to encourage their garden
plants?

A. We're rooting for you!

Backyard
Botany Point to Ponder: With fronds like this, who needs
anemones?

Q.
Where do they make strawberries?

A. At the strawberry plant.

Q.
Which kind of flower generates energy?

A. A power plant.

Today's
Gardening Fact: You can't plant flowers, if you've haven't
botany.

Q.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a blooming garden
plant?

A. A collie-flower!

Q.
What is a skeleton's favorite garden plant?

A. A bone-zai tree.

Q.
What's a skeleton's favorite woody plant?

A. A spine tree.

Q.
What do you call the specialized terminology used by botanists
who study frond-bearing plants

A. Fern-acular.

Q.
Where do young garfen plants go to school?

A. Kinder-garden.

Gardener
Parenting Point to Ponder: If you yell at your plants instead
of talking to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled
and insecure?

Q.
What did the Monarch ask the plants in the butterfly garden?

A. Got milkweed?

Q.
Why did the guy quit his job making furniture out of plants?

A. Because it was no bed of roses.

Q.
What do you call swampy plant and animal life in Louisiana?

A. Bayou Diversity.

Did
you hear about the successful bonzai plant grower? His next
project is a miniature golf course.

Q.
What do you call the large hill where baby animals and plant
sprouts flourish?

A. The Mountain of Youth.

Q.
What do chickens grow on?

A. Eggplants!

Plant
Lovers Pick Up Line: Hey
baby, is your name Fern" 'Cause I am growing frond
of you.

Q.
What do allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like
flower plants?

A. An aster-risk.