Garden Weed Jokes.

Q.
Why are there so few good invasive plant jokes?

A. Because weeds are no laughing matter.

Q.
Why didn't anybody laugh at the gardener's jokes?

A. 'Cause his puns were weedy bad.

Q.
Which lawn invader makes gardeners the most grouchy?

A. Crab grass.

Q.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds
in his garden?

A. I have spotted spurge!

Q.
Why shouldn't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?

A. You don't want to press your luck.

Q.
Which kind of invasive weed grwos in an unlucky gardener's
lawn?

A. Three-leaf clover.

Garden
Come-On: Hey there baby,
are you a four-leaf lover? 'Cause I'm feeling very lucky
tonight. .

Q.
Which lawn and garden weed is the most romantic?

A. C-lover.

Green
Gardener's Marriage Vows: Do you, Gardener, take this Garden,
to weed from this day forth?

Q.
What did the marigold say to the dandelion growing beside
it?

A. Move over, Bud!

Gardening
Hookup Line: Hey big guy, if you were a dandelion, I'd blow
you!

Q.
Why didn't the feminist blonde gardener pull out one particular
kind of unwanted plant?

A. 'Cause it was chickweed. DUH!

Q.
Which little plant likes to invade trendy, stylish gardens?

A. Chic-weed.

Q.
Which kind of weed is growing on the road outside the handbag
factory?

A. Purselane.

Q.
What did the gardener say to the invasive bindweed?

A. Let grow of me, @#$%!

Q.
Which kind of foul weed enjoys putting gardeners into a
bad position?

A. Bindweed.

Q.
Which kind of noxious weed did podcasts before
that was a mainstream thing?

A. Spurge.

Q.
Which song goes through a gardener's head while he pulling
weeds?

A. Thistle While You Work.

Q.
Which weed is notorious for lurking around in your garden?

A. Creeping Thistle.

Q.
Which noxious weed will not keep migratory geese out of
your yard?

A. Canada Thistle.

Q.
What happened when a dandelion attacked a redneck?

A. He blew its head off.

Q.
Which day of the week do gardeners dread the most?

A. Weedsday.

Q.
What do pristine lawn enhusiasts call pesky annual seed
grass in their yard?

A. Crap grass.

Q.
Which kind of lawn weed do ducks complain about the most?

A. Quack grass.

Q.
Which nasty weed doubles as a supervillain?

A. Poison Ivy.

Q.
Why doesn't Batman like to go on nature walks?

A. Because he detests Poison Ivy.

Q.
When does Poison Ivy change her underwear?

A. When they get soiled.

Q.
How did Batman nearly contract AIDS?

A. From playing around with Poison-HIVy.

Q.
What do you call a dandelion that used to be a marigold?

A. A transplant.

Q.
Whick kind of weed caters to royalty?

A. Milkweed. Monarch butterfly caterpllars just eat it up.

Q.
How do cows in Colorado get high?

A. Milkweed.

Q.
What did the Monarch ask the plants in the butterfly garden?

A. Got milkweed?

"Weed
It and Reap" is funny. But, if you accidentally pull
out your wife's flowers it's: "Weed It and Weep,"
and that certainly is not funny at all.

Q.
Which nasty weed always makes gardeners grumble?

A. Ragweed.

Backyard
Chat Up Line: Hey baby, weed my lips!

Q.
Why is botany such a tough subject?

A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

Q.
Did you hear the latest gardening joke about the dandlion?

A. It's weedy bad.

Gardening
Trivia: Did you know the cheetah is faster dandelion?

Q.
What does it take to become a noted dandelion botanist?

A. You need to be outstanding in the field.

Q.
What is a dandy-lion?

A. A big wild cat wearing a dapper hat.

Q.
Which unwanted garden plant is truly something to sneeze
at?

A. Ragweed.

Q.
How did the camper end up with a poison ivy rash in his
hair?

A. It was a real head-scrathcer.

Flowery
Pick Up Poetry in Motion:
Roses are red, Lilies are white, weed make a great couple,
you know I'm sow right.

Q.
Which western weed is a natural gymnast?

A. The Tumbleweed.

Q.
Which western weed do cowboys sing about?

A. Tumbling Tumbleweed.

Q.
What is the specialty of the French drug dealer?

A. Oui-d.

Q.
How are dandelions and homeless urban drug addicts alike?

A. Give 'em a little crack and some water, and they can
pop up anywhere.

Q.
What's the opposite of crab grass?

A. Happy 420 grass in Colorado.

Q.
Why is crab grass such a drag?

A. 'Cause it's just not lobster.

Home
Grown Pick Up Line: Weed be cute together.

Q.
Which day of the week do burned out light bulbs enjoy the
most?

A. WeedsDay! 'Cause matches, lighters, candles and stove
burners light up the night.

Weedy
Bad Garden Chat Up Line: Hey baby, wanna see if the grass
really is greener on my side of the fence?

Q.
How did the old landscaper die?

A. He was weeded out.