Q. What does a subatomic duck say?
A. Quark!

Smart Factoid of the Day: Physicists are the only scientists that matter, but mathematicians are the only ones that count.

Q. What do you get when you combine sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A. SWAG!

Q. Why are Painful chemistry Puns so bad?
A. They often make you go HeHe.

Chemistry Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you made of Na, Selenium, and Xenon? 'Cause you are Sodium SeXe!

Q. What did the chemist say when his experiment blew up?
A. Oops! Well, oxidants happen.

Q. Why don't they serve beer at a math party?
A. Because you shouldn't drink and derive.

Q. What phrase should you never hear in chemistry class?
A. Bottoms Up!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

Argon walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here." Argon didn't react...

Q. Why is it so hard to find a good chemistry pun?
A. Because the best are Argon, so Na.

Did you hear about the elderly scientist who discovered an effective Alzheimer's vaccine? Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

Smart Pick-Up Line: Literate gnome puns still aren't too smart, but funny! Ouch!

Q. Why did the artist stop doing illustrations for currency books?
A. 'Cause he never drew a dime!

Did you hear about the student who was an aggressive reader? He really hit the books.

Q. What did one pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!

Finally, cattle mutilations explained:
Q. Why did the alien throw beef at an asteroid?
A. He wanted a little meaty-or.

Q. What do you call somebody who is in love with the moon?
A. A lunartic.

Q. What is the fastest liquid on the planet?
A. Milk, 'cause it's pasteurized before you even see it!

FYI: Scientists have confirmed that sharp pick-up lines do help you get an angle on the dating scene.

Q. Why was the obtuse angle always so frustrated?
A. Because it was never right.

Q. Which geometry figure is like a lost bird?
A. Polygon.

Note: Dear Math, I am not a therapist. Solve your own problems!

Q. What do spacemen serve their food on?
A. Flying saucers.

Q. Where does an overweight space alien go to workout?
A. Planet Fitness.

Q. What did the alien say to the Jack Daniels distributor?
A. Take me to your liter.

Q. Where do space aliens like to go fishing?
A. In the Galax Sea!

Q. What did the physicist hang on the lab door while he was out on an angling vacation?
A. Gone Fission!

Q. Why did the physicist switch over to city water?
A. He got tired of building an infinite square well.

Q. Which doctor is least seen by his patients?
A. The Ophthalmologist!

Q. Why don't blind people bother to sharpen their pencils?
A. They don't see the point of it.

Q. Why did the kid eat his homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Q. How are a school teacher and a train different?
A. Teach says, "Spit out your gum," and a train says, "Choo choo!"

Did you hear about the kid who accidentally stabbed the librarian in the face with a pencil? He thought he was in big trouble, but she merely turned a blind eye.

Q. What do a run-on sentence and a used pencil have in common?
A. A very dull point, if any.

Q. What's the difference between a broken pencil and a bad joke?
A. The broken pencil has two parts. A bad joke. ...

Q. What very moving did the scientist give to his scientist girlfriend?
A. Joules.

Q. Why did the paleontologist and cryologist refuse to hang out with the biologist?
A. 'Cause that hipster was too current.

Scientists just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.

Q. Which is the smartest state?
A. Alabama. 'Cause it has four As and a B.

Smart Chat Up Line: Colby, your intellect turns me on 'cause you are sharp cheddar.

Q. What do sharp women call a hat for a man's brain?
A. A Condom!

Middle School Teacher: What is Irony?
AP Student: Anything with the chemical symbol Fe.

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