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From the original Painful Puns archive.

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Q. Where do you send a depressed eye? A. To the low vision center!

Where do you send a depressed eye

Q. Why did a pirate marry his eye doctor? A. It was an aye-deal relationship!

Why did a pirate marry his eye doctor

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes!

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact

Q. What might happen if your retina cries? A. You get retinal tears!

What might happen if your retina cries

Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!

Love & celebrations

What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain

Q. What did one eye say to the other? A. Between you and me, something smells!

What did one eye say to the other

Q. What's the difference between an optometry student and a trash can? A. the trash can goes out at least once a week!

What's the difference between an optometry student and a trash can

Q. What did the optometrist say to the guy with three eyes? A. Aye, Aye, Aye!

What did the optometrist say to the guy with three eyes

Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A. Shine a light in her ear!

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle

Q. What do you call a Norwegian optometrist? A. Toric the Viking!

What do you call a Norwegian optometrist

Did you hear about the circumcision doctor's wife who kept the foreskins? She made them into a purse. When she rubbed it, it became an overnight bag!

Did you hear about the circumcision doctor's wife who kept the foreskins

Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they unheard of?

Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they unheard of