And now as an intern, the young doc keeps them all in stitches.

Q. What did the unhappy guy say after his limb replacement surgery was botched?
A. I'll kill 'em with my bear hand!

Q. Why are surgeons bad in relationships?
A. 'Cause they know everybody is the same inside.

Numbing Surgical Point to Ponder: If an anesthesiologist offers to knock you out with either gas or a boat paddle, is that an ether/oar decision?

Q. What is it called when a surgeon slips and cuts off your right butt cheek?
A. A half-assed operation.

Q. Why do urologists always seem so selfish?
A. Because it's all about number one.

Q. Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A. So men can tell if they're coming or going!

Q. What do you call a non-religious urologist?
A. An apostate feelin' your prostate.

Sick Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, my love for you burns hotter than my urinary tract infection.

Q. What did the patient ask his doctor during the colonoscopy?
A. Could you please write me a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

Patient: I think my butt is broken.
Doctor: No, every butt has a crack.

Q. What do you call two chiropractors who have each other's backs?
A. Verte-bros.

Q. Why did the guy break up with his chiropractor girlfriend?
A. Because she was too munipulative.

Q. Which music genre do chiropractors enjoy most?
A. Hip Pop.

Q. What do you call a chiropractor who really enjoys his job?
A. A crack addict.

Chiropractor Tip of the Day: Looking for something to tickle her funny bone? Just make a couple of humerus witticisms!

Dental Pain of the Day: Did you hear about the dentist who was convicted of incisor trading?

Q. What do a dentist and a tennis coach have in common?
A. They both use drills.

Dental Grin of the Day: When I said I was afraid of the dentist, I didn't mean the drill. I meant the bill!

Q. What do you call the wise advice your dentist gives you?
A. His floss-ophy.

Q. What is a toothache?
A. A pain that drives people to extraction.

Q. Why did the eye doctor break up with the orthopedic surgeon?
A. Because the eyeball didn't find the elbow's humerus jabs at all humor-iris.

Receptionist: Why are you here to see the eye doctor today?
Patient: I see spots in front of my eyes.
Receptionist: Have you seen the doctor?
Patient: No, only spots.

Blind Laugh of the Day: I had an appointment with an eye doctor today, but something came up and I couldn't see him.

Eye Doctor Pick Up Line: Hey girl, eye see you in my future.

Q. Where does a smart brain go on summer vacation?
A. To a hippocampus!

Q. Which kind of boat floats brains?
A. A cranial blood vessel!

Q. Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
A. It had trouble controlling its impulses.

Q. What do transplant doctors fear most about their job?
A. Rejection.

Q. What is an organ transplant?
A. How your piano feels when you move it.

Q. Why can't an eye doctor count to 3?
A. Because they always get stuck on 1, or 2, or 1, or 2...

Q. What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the police solve crimes?
A. A Private Eye Doctor.

Blind Confusion of the Day: I thought I went to an Alaskan eye doctor today, but it was actually an optical Aleutian.

Q. What music do eye doctors prefer?
A. iTunes.

Q. What do you call two orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A. A double blind study.

Q. What is minor surgery?
A. Any operation performed on somebody else!

Medical Chat Up Line: Hey babe, do you have an Ace bandage? 'Cause when you walked by, I got weak in the knees.

Health Crisis Point to Ponder: Can hospital Pick-Up Lines actually make you sick?

Q. What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A. A hematologist pricks your finger. ...

Q. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A. An URLologist.

Q. What did the urologist say to the associate doctor when he hired him?
A. Urine.

Q. What is a hemorrhoid?
A. A male from outer space!

A lady walked into an optician's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The receptionist directed her to the shrink's office next door.

Q. What happened to the optician who had the foresight to perform at the comedy club?
A. He made a spectacle of himself!

Q. What did the determined student say when everybody laughed at him after he said he wanted to be an optician?
A. You'll see, you will all see!

Q. To an optician, what is a possessed lens?
A. A demonicle.

Far-Sighted Fact of the Day: Opticians are men of vision!

Q. How is the circle feeling now that it isn't sick any more?
A. It was glad to be up and around.

First Aid Pick-Up Line: Are you drowning? Because I'm feeling the urge to give you CPR.

Q. What is a triple bipass?
A. A play that works better than a quarterback sneak.

Sick Come-On: Hey hottie, you breathe oxygen and so do I! Looks like we already have something in common.

Q. What is an artery?
A. The study of fine paintings.

EMT Pick-Up Line: Babe, those clothes look uncomfortable. Let me cut them off you.

Q. How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just give the bulb some exercises to do believing it will be better the next time they see it.

Medical Point to Ponder: Do doctors tell each other doctor jokes?

Old ophthalmologists never die. They just loose their focus.

An elderly man told his doctor he'd like his sex drive lowered. Doc replied, "Sir, at your age, your sex drive is mostly in your head." Man said, "I know. That's why I want it lowered."

Q. What is a recovery room?
A. A great place to do upholstery.

Q. How did the acupuncturist heal the wounded fencer?
A. With an epee cure.

Medical Groan of the Day: I just got my ER bill. Now I know why those doctors were all wearing masks!

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