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Atom Says: Happy Matter Day!

Q. What do you call the group of scientists who name the tiny things inside atos? A. Particle Board!

Q. How does a physicist exercise? A. By pmping ion!
Q. What did the triangle say to the circle? A. You're pointless!


Chemistry Puns, Lab Humor, Chemical Jokes
Mixed up elemental puns, molecular humor, and chemistry jokes periodically add up to laughs.

Chemistry Jokes, Molecule Puns, Chemist Humor
(Because the Formula for Basic Jokes and Acidic Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream in Any Chemistry Lab!)
Warning: Proceed With Caution! Compound chemistry humor, chemist jokes, and alchemist puns ahead.
| Chemistry Jokes | Physics Puns | Science Jokes, Scientist Humor | 2 | Science Pick-Up Lines |
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| Weather Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Eco Environmet Puns | Brainy Jokes, Smart Puns | Brainiac Puns |

Did you hear about the popular chemistry teacher? He atom down to a science!Are you a chemist? 'Cause I want to do you on a table periodically!Fruity Chemistry Joke: What did a science teacher say Ba + Na2 is? A. Banana!

Q. Why is organic chemistry considered difficult?
A. Because those who study it, have alkynes of problems.

Lab Tip of the Day: If you ever have a problem, go to a chemist 'cause they have all the solutions.

Elemental Point to Ponder: If you just don't understand chemistry puns, are you a boron?

Q. Why did the chemist concoct a laughing gas that also works as a laxative?
A. Just for shits and grins!

Q. Why are chemistry jokes so dull?
A. Because they lack the element of Surprise!

Q. Why is it so hard to find a good chemistry pun?
A. Because the best are Argon, so Na.

Q. What did the chemist say when his experiment blew up?
A. Oops! Well, oxidants happen.

Chem Lab Gossip of the Day: Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!

Q. Why are Painful chemistry Puns so bad?
A. They often make you go HeHe.

Q. What happened after the drug company lab was broken into by two guys who only stole Viagra?
A. Cops put out an APB for two hardened criminals.

Q. Why didn't the chemistry teacher ever tell jokes?
A. He was afraid he wouldn't get a good reaction.

Q. What is a chemist's favorite plant?
A. Stoichome-tree.

Q. Which kind of fish is composed of two sodium atoms?
A. 2 Na.

Q. Which breed of dog do chemists prefer?
A. Laboratory Retriever.

Q. What does a chemist's laboratory retriever do with his bones?
A. Barium.

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you are a real Cu-Te!Two chemists walk into a bar. First one says: "I'll have H2O." Second one says: "I'll have H2O, too." He died.Hey Gnirl, are you a carbon sample? 'Cause I want to date you!

Q. How often do you come across really funny chemistry jokes?
A. Only periodically.

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

Q. What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph?
A. Breaking up is hard to do.

Chemistry Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you made of Na, Selenium, and Xenon? 'Cause you are Sodium SeXe!

Q. What does a chemist use to judge whether a party is any good?
A. Lithmus paper.

Formula Point to Ponder: If a chemistry student is too dumb to learn about Oxygen, does that make him an oxymoron?

Q. What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium and phosphorous walked into the bar?

Argon walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here." Argon didn't react...

Q. Does anybody know any jokes about sodium?
A. Na.

Q. What phrase should you never hear in chemistry class?
A. Bottoms Up!

Q. What happened after the chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chloride at a student?
A. She was arrested because that's a salt.

Q. Why did Edison fill his attic with helium?
A. Because he wanted a light house.

Q. What do you get if you combine sulfur, tungsten, and silver?

Chemistry Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, you must be a compound of beryllium and barium because you're a total BaBe!

Q. What did the chemist say when a nosy coworker asked too many personal questions?
A. None of your Bismuth!

A guy accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered no ill effect. Apparently he's ambidextrose.

Q. What did the amputee chemist say when he attached his new leg?
A. Neon.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

What is copper nitrate? Overtime for policemen.Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti Full!Q. Why didn't an element want to get bonded to its partner? A. It would have to pay compound interest!

Q. What did the chemist say when he escaped the police?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Q. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A. 'Cause they're cheaper than day rates!

Q. What happened to the guy who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A. He was booked for a salt and battery.

Middle School Teacher: What is Irony?
AP Student: Anything with the chemical symbol Fe.

Q. What did chemists call the explosion at the potassium factory?
A. K boomer.

Chem Lab Pick-Up Line Point to Ponder: Does a chemist say "Be-Au-Ti Full" because "bery old tit" doesn't sound as sexy?

Q. Which classic TV crime drama show do cesium and iodine love watching together?

Chemistry Factoid of the Day: If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they'd be alloys!

Q. Why should you never use a test tube as a dildo?
A. Because that's F-ing vial!

Q. What did ancient alchemists call the Norse god who starting writing epic tales after being struck by lightning?
A. AU Thor.

Q. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon?
A. A ferrous wheel.

Q. What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
A. HeHe!

Chemistry Teacher: Did you know protons have mass?
Student: Gee, I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Q. Why do chemistry students learn about ammonia first?
A. 'Cause it's pretty basic stuff.

Q. Which side dish do chemists like to order for lunch?
A. Anion rings.

Hey Gnirl, do you love water? That means you love 60% of me already!Q. Which is the most important subject in witch school? A. Spelling!Hey Gnirl, are you copper? 'Cause I CU in my dreams!

Q. If H2O is the fomula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A. H2O cubed.

Q. If H2O is water, then what is H2O4?
A. Drinking, bathing, swimming, irrigation, boating, surfing...

Q. Why didn't the student ever drink water while studying chemistry?
A. Because water decreases concentration!

Q. Why do chemistry profs like teaching about ammonia?
A. Because it's basic material.

Q. How can you remember the periodic table symbols for silver and gold?
A. If somebody tries to steal you silver, you say, "A G, I lost my silver." But if someone tries to take your gold you'd say, "A U, gimme back my gold!"

Old chemistry teachers never die, they just fail to react.

Q. What is the difference between a chemist and an alchemist?
A. Aluminum.

Q. Why shouldn't people hate chemistry?
A. Because half-lifes matter, too.

Q. What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A. Never lick the spoon!

Q. How did the chemist survive the famine?
A. By subsisting on titrations.

Q. Why should you never ask a chemist for a PB and J sandwich?
A. 'Cause you'll get lead poisoning.

Q. What do you do with a dead chemist?
A. You barium.

Q. Why did the retired perfume chemist end up in the mental hospital?
A. 'Cause he stopped making scents.

Q. Why is Titanium is the most amorous metal?
A. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "AU, get otta here!"

Q. How did the scientist know the chemistry was gone from his relationship?
A. His wife couldn't get Prozac anymore, and he ran out of Viagra.

Q. Why was the chronic LSD user fired from his job at the chemistry lab?
A. 'Cause he kept dropping acid.

Q. Which instrument did the chemist play in the band?
A. Base guitar.

We'd like to apologize for not adding more chemistry jokes recently, but we only update them periodically.

| Chemistry Jokes | Physics Puns | Science Jokes and Scientist Puns | 2 | Science Pick-Up Lines |
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