Q. Why did the Colorado weather want privacy?
A. Because it was changing.

Q. How can you tell it was a particulary brutal Colorado snow storm?
A. Even your Alaskan Malamute said it was "ruff!"

Q. Which TV weather forecast feature do Colorado potheads like best?
A. The Highs.

Q. Why do NOAA Boulder weather forecast models suffer from depression?
A. They're told they're unattractive and wrong much of the time.

Q. What does a Colorado storm cloud wear under its raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Did you hear about the unfortunate Colorado weather chaser who recently died? His last photos of lightning were really quite striking, though.

Q. Why did the weatherman in Fraser, Colorado go to the doctor?
A. Because he had the chills!

Q. What do you call a wet bear in Colorado?
A. A drizzly bear.

Q. What happened when they suddenly had to stop the concert at Redrocks Amphitheatre because a thunderstorm approached?
A. The audience left with reckless a-band-done.

Q. How do you wrap up a quick Colorado thunderstorm?
A. With a rainbow.

Q. Why did the Colorado weather forecaster move to a different climate?
A. Because the Denver weather didn't agree with him.

Q. During dry Colorado summer weather, how can you tell you need to turn on your sprinklers and water the landscape?
A. Fur trees are whistling for dogs!

Q. In Colorado, what's the difference between weather and climate?
A. You can't weather a mountain, but you can climb it.

Q. How does a stormy Colorado hail stone describe its life?
A. It has a lot of ups and downs.

Q. When does it rain money in Colorado?
A. When there's a change in the weather.

Did you hear about the two Colorado weathermen who both broke an arm and a leg in a storm-chasing accident? They called in from the hospital about the four casts!

Q. What did the Colorado hail storm say to the roof?
A. Hang onto your shingles 'cause this isn't ordinary sprinkles.

In Colorado, if you don't get hit by lightning or hail, you might as well just go along with the flow.

Q. How can you tell if a used car has been in a Colorado hail storm?
A. Look for the evi-dents.

You're having a great summer in Colorado if: You have NOT had to utter the phrase, What the Hail!

Q. What is today's Colorado Front Range weather forecast?
A. Chili today, hot tamale.

Q. Where do Colorado meteorologists stop on their way home after a busy weather day at work?
A. The Isobar.

Q. What was the stoner Denver weatherman fired from his radio gig?
A. Because his forecast was always partly cloudy with foggy patches.

You might be exercising outdoors in Colorado if high gusts are bothering you. And, you might be in Boulder if high guests bother you. You might be outside a pot shop, if nothing bothers you.

Q. What is the meteorological term for when high pressure goes on vacation to Colorado?
A. HIatus.

Q. What did the pot grower say when he got turned around on a whirl-wind trip through the Colorado high country?
A. There's no trichome like home.

Q. Can Colorado bees fly in a rain storm?
A. Not without their yellow jackets.

Q. What did one Colorado raindrop say to the other?
A. Two's company. Three's a cloud.

Q. What do Denver weathermen call it when chickens and ducks suddenly fall out of the sky?
A. Fowl Weather.

Q. What condition did the gosling suffer from when the Colorado weather turned cold?
A. Goose bumps.

Q. Why did the hens stay indoors during the hellacious Colorado hail storm?
A. Because it was fowl weather.

Q. How can you tell it's too hot in your urban Denver henhouse during August?
A. The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Q. Why shouldn't you bother fighting with a Colorado thundercloud?
A. He'll just go and storm off.

Q. What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A. You're shocking.

Q. Why do the Denver Broncos have two mascots, Thunder and Miles?
A. To distract the fans from any horsing around during the game.

Did you notice after Colorado legalized marijuana, nobody knows the name of the Broncos stadium – and nobody is surprised by the crazy weather?

Colorado Weather Point to Ponder: Why do they call it Right As Rain, if you're all wet?

Colorado Winter Weather Point to Ponder: During a blizzard, how would you even know if you saw the Abominable Snowman?

It was so cold in Colorado yesterday that even the politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Did you hear about the Colorado snow storm that arrived at just the right moment? It was white on time!

Q. What do high country horses in Colorado see before they hear thunder?
A. A lightning colt.

Q. Where do hail stones go on a date?
A. To Hell!

Q. Where do Colorado snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. If a band is playing at Redrocks during a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning?
A. The Conductor!

Q. What does a Rocky Mountain wear when the weather gets cold?
A. An ice cap.

Q. Why did the blonde go outdoors with all of her pockets open?
A. Because they predicted change in the weather.

Did you hear about the blonde hipster who wore a jacket in Grand Junction, Colorado during summer, before it was cool? EMTs took her to the ER due to heat exhaustion.

It was so cold in Colorado yesterday that my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

Q. Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
A. Channel 7's Mike Nelson said there was a 50% chance of snow.

Waiter Serving Chowder: It looks like rain today.
Colorado Weatherman: Yes, but it smells like soup!

Q. Why did the blonde frantically run around outside in Downtown Denver with her purse open?
A. She heard they were expecting some change in the weather.

Q. How do you keep your feet warm during a Colorado snow storm?
A. Don't go out brrr-footed!

You might be from Colorado if you expect snow on Easter, Mother's Day, Halloween, and Thanksgiving – but not on Christmas.

Colorado Winter Pick-Up Line: Babe, is this sidewalk icy? 'Cause I just fell for you.

Q. Is it hard for Colorado wind gusts to talk to each other?
A. No, it's a breeze!

Q. What is a blue eyeball's favorite weather song about the Colorado skies?
A. You Are Eye Sunshine!

Q. What do you get if you cross a witch and a Halloween blizzard in Denver?
A. A cold spell!

Q. What happened to the Colorado cow that was lifted into a tornado?
A. Udder disaster.

Q. How is a Colorado blizzard warning like Christmas?
A. Last minute shopping in crowded stores!

Q. Why do chickens like Colorado weather jokes?
A. Because they're so flocking funny!

Q. Why do chickens think Colorado weather jokes are so funny?
A. Because they're made up from scratch!

Q. When does money fall out of the Denver sky over the mint?
A. Only when there's a change in the weather!

Colorado Weather Point to Ponder: If a Denver weatherman only answers questions pertaining to wimpy high-altitude clouds, is that cirrus inquiries only?

Q. What's the difference between a vampire with a toothache and a Colorado thunderstorm?
A. One roars in pain, and the other pours in rain.

Q. What do Colorado lightning bolts do when they laugh?
A. They crack up.

Q. How do competitor Denver weather forecasters greet each other?
A. With a cold wave!

Q. What is the opposite of a cold front?
A. A warm back.

Q. Why did the Denver weatherman prefer Colorado craft beer?
A. Because his head is in the cloud.

Q. How are a Colorado weatherman and a ski area hooker alike?
A. Both can only estimate how many inches they'll get, or how long it will last.

Q. How do you make antifreeze?
A. Take away her blanket!

Q. Do old Denver weathermen ever die?
A. No, thankfully they go on to reign forever!

Q. How do Colorado chefs deal with cold weather?
A. They just turn up the SHU (Scoville Heat Units) in tonight's chile verde!

Q. What did the lightning bolt say to the Colorado Blue Spruce?
A. Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary spark!

Q. How are freezing rain on I70 asphalt and cake icing alike?
A. Both are a glaze!

Q. Why was The Incredible Hulk fired from his gig as weatherman on Denver's 9News?
A. Because his forecast was always the same: Partly cloudy with a 50% chance of pain, and because Kathy Sabine's horse kicked him out of her way...

Q. What did the duck do after he read all these Painful Puns about Colorado's funny weather?
A. He quacked up!

Q. Why did Mike Nelson name the Channel 7 meteorologist's bowling team Lightning?
A. Because they get so many strikes.

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