Q. Why can't cows become detectives? A. Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Ape says: I bought a pair of hiking boots in Colorado from a drug dealer! I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!
Barely legal police pick-up line: Do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven?
Q. What is 421 known as? A. National Drug Test Day!

Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A. The drunk runs it, but the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Why drink and drive? When you can smoke and fly?
Q. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A. A steak out!

Q. Why do the mountains lean toward teh east? A. Because Aurora sucks!


Denver Crime Jokes, Colorado Cop Puns, DPD LOLs
Ride along with arresting Denver cop jokes, Colorado State Patrol humor, and busted crime puns.

Colorado Criminal Jokes and County Sheriff Humor
(Because JeffCo Sheriff Jokes and Colorado State Trooper Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream In Denver County Jail!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Arresting Denver police jokes, CSP humor, and truly bad Aurora cop puns ahead.
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| Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Mile High Denver Humor | Colorado Sports Puns | Go Broncos! |

Q. Why was teh rancher arrested at the gym? A. He was hurting his calves!
Thieves were planning to rob the pot shop, but they had to case the joint first!
Q. What do you call a female police officer who plays guitar? A. She Riff!

Q. Why did the Colorado State Patrol recruit the South Park cow?
A. Because she was a natural at udder cover work.

Q. Why did the janitor call DPD to Coors Field during the Rockies game?
A. Somebody was selling Rocky Mountain Oysters in the stands, and he didn't want to clean up all the vomit after the balls dropped.

Q. What's the main problem with Denver Police jokes?
A. The cops don't think they're funny, and private citizens are afraid to laugh at them!

Q. What happened when the shipment of toilet paper crashed on Pena Boulevard approaching DIA?
A. Denver Police described the scene as a real wipe-out.

Q. What did Bigfoot do after he retired from the Colorado Springs Police Department?
A. He became a Night Squatchman.

Q. Why won't you ever catch sight of Bigfoot on Lookout Mountain?
A. Jeffco Sheriff's Office is looking into that.

Did you know Bigfoot works as a cop in Denver? Of course not, 'cause he's undercover on the 16yh Street Mall.

Q. Why did the Colorado blonde, driving the car with the wild paint job, get pulled over?
A. The Cherry Hills cops said it was a graphic violation.

Q. What happened when the truckload of toilet paper crashed on US Route 285 near Shaffer's Crossing?
A. When cops arrived at the scene, they asked if it was a roll-over or a roll-under.

Q. What did the DPD policewoman wear to the LoDo Denver stake out?
A. An underwire bra.

Q. Why are male Denver undercover cops more sexy than female cops?
A. Because you can't be sexy without the XY.

Q. What do Denverites call well-dressed undercover cops?
A. The Fashion Police.

Q. What is the slogan of the Aurora Notel on E Colfax?
A. As Seen On COPS!

Q. What happened when the semi truck loaded with toilet paper crashed on I70 inside the Eisenhower Tunnel?
A. Colorado State Patrol say drivers will be bogged down with bad runs until the scene is cleaned up.

Q. Why did the belt go to jail? A. Because it held up a pair of jeans!
You might be from Colorado if you don't drink and drive.
Owner of a threatening bull was arrested. He was brought up on charges.

Q. Who issues shirts, vests, and jackets to Colorado Springs police officers?
A. The top cop.

Q. What do well-dressed Greenwood Village police wear while taking fingerprints?
A. A dust jacket.

Q. What is the proper attire for a detective picking up a series of clues in Rocky Mountain National Park?
A. A trail blazer.

Q. What's the proper undercover attire for detaining a redneck perp in the Aurora jail?
A. A holding tank.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on I25 near the Broncos' stadium during rush hour?
A. Denver Police say there were definite skid marks leading up to the scene of the accident.

Q. Why did the Denver cops arrest the craft brewer?
A. He was accused of a-malt and beer-tery.

Q. Why wasn't the Colorado craft beer brew chemist convicted on hopped up charges?
A. The jury wasn't convinced beyond a shadow of a stout.

Q. Why did the Aurora cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns on I225?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree outside Woodland Park, Colorado. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the scene of the accident."

Summit County Sheriff Chat Up Line: Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven?

Q. What was the cattle rustler doing when he broke into the Burlington ranch?
A. Taking stock.

Q. How do armed cow robbers travel away from the scene of the crime in Colorado?
A. They sreal away on the bullet train.

Q. Which Colorado sport entails rounding up and stealing cattle as a form of dramatic entertainment?
A. Professional rustling.

Q. How does the Aurora Police Department grill a chicken?
A. Knock her down on the pavement and repeatedly ask her why she crossed the road.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the highway in Greeley, Colorado?
A. Greeley Police did not ticket the driver, saying he had a bum steer.

Q. What did the stoner at the party say before the copy came? A. Let's blow this joint!
Q. Why was the musician arrested? A. He was in treble!
Big Ape Says: Don't drink and drive! Park and Spark!

Q. What do the Feds call a Colorado cannabis distributor riding a bike?
A. A drug peddler.

Q. Why did the sensitive Arapahoe County Sheriff Deputy cry after arresting the blonde suspect?
A. It was a moving violatiob.

Q. Who do locksmiths try to avoid while skiing in Colorado?
A. The Keystone Cops at A-Basin.

Pick Up a Summit County Cop Line: Officer, I must be a snowflake 'cause I've fallen for you.

Q. Why was the Colorado chile pepper under constant police surveilance?
A. He was known to Hatch up hot plans.

Q. Why did the Denver 16th Street Mall cop arrest the off-key street musician with no rhythm?
A. Because he was a beat cop.

Q. What do the cops say when they arrive during your Denver Broncos party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. What should you never say if you get pulled over by the Denver Police on 13th Avenue?
A. Are you the guy from the Village People?

Q. What was stolen from the music store at Boulder's Pearl Street Mall?
A. The Lute!

Aurora Police Pick Up Line: Is your name LAW? 'Cause I'd like to lay you down.

Q. What do Denverites call the cop comedian at Comedy Works who does legal joint jokes?
A. Pig Roast.

Q. What do non-vegan Coloradans call a police officer in a sleeping bag?
A. Pig in a blanket.

Q. Why did the Colorado State Patrol pull over a pig on eastbound I70?
A. Because he was a road hog!

Local Little-Known Fact of the Day: Did you know Bigfoot works as a cop in Park County? Of course not. He's undercover in the town of South Park!

Colorado State Patrol Pick Up Line: I'm surprised your ID doesn't say you're from Tennessee, 'cause you're the only 10 I see.

Q. After the bank robbery, why did the owner buy cows? A. To beef up security!
When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"
Police officer: How high are you? Pot head: No officers, it's Hi, how are you?

Q. Why did the bull cop pull over the U-Haul on I225?
A. He wanted to bust a moo-ve.

Q. Why was the Rocky Mountain Bighorn Sheep arrested on top of Loveland Pass?
A. Because she pulled a ewe turn.

Q. Why did the lamb Bighorn Sheep call the police?
A. He'd been fleeced!

Q. Why did the cop ticket the Rocky Mountain Bighorn sheep on I70 near Georgetown?
A. Because she was a really baaad driver.

Steak Out Hookup Line: Let's go back to my place for some further udder-cover work.

Q. What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
A. Jail-y Donuts.

A peep hole has appeared in the ladies locker room at the gym on W Colfax. Lakewood police investigators are looking into it.

Q. What did the blonde suspect say to the Denver cop?
A. If I knew I was getting a full-body search, I would have waxed.

Q. Why did the blonde driving the car with the wild Denver Broncos paint job get pulled over?
A. The Centennial cops said it was a graphic violation!

Criminal Chat Up Line At the LoDo Gym: Babe, I was arrested the other night, for having two guns and a six pack.

Q. Why did the Cripple Creek burglar wear blue latex gloves?
A. He didn't want to be caught redhanded!

Q. What did the stoner say when the DPD cops pulled him over saying, "Your eyes look red, like you've been smoking weed, Bud."
A. "Your eyes are glazed, like you've been eating donuts, Sir."

Q. How does the budtender at the the Thought Police Cafe cut you off?
A. It seems like you've had a bit too much to think...

Barely Legal 420 Point to Ponder: If a cop is high on pot, is that fried bacon?

Q. Why weren't the nefarious metro Denver toilet paper thieves arrested?
A. The cops kept patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.

Q. What did the Cherry Hills cop say after a woman reported her wig was stolen?
A. Yes Maam, we'll comb the area.

Barely legal police pick-up line: I'm writing you a ticket because fine is written all over you!
Q. If two potheads are in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The Cop!
Q. What do you call it when one bull spies on another? A. A steak out!

Q. Why did the Olathe Police Department arrest the sweet corn?
A. For stalking.

Q. What is an Olathe policeman's favorite summer vegetable?
A. Corn on the cop.

Q. Why do retired Denver cops refer to themselves at the barbershop as ex law enforcement?
A. Mustache you ask?

Aurora Police Sketch Artist Groan of the Day: A naked woman robbed a bank during a power outage. So, nobody at the bank could remember her face.

Q. What happened to the guy who tried to rob the Southglen branch of Bank of the West wearing underwear as a mask?
A. Centennial cops arrested him after a quick debriefing.

Q. Why did the Englewood Police arrest the guy who was playing pool at the diive bar on S Broadway?
A. He was picking pockets.

Q. Why didn't the goose in Denver think he'd be a suspect in the Wash Park crime?
A. 'Cause he thinks his shit don't stink.

Q. Why was the Denver criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
A. 'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.

Q. What did the Ft. Collins potheads say when they saw red flashing lights up the street?
A. Dude, let's blow this joint!

Q. Why was the lid arrested?
A. It wasn't in Colorado.

Q. Who do Summit County locksmiths call for comic relief?
A. The Keystone Cops.

Q. What happened when the big rig full of toilet paper crashed at the intersection of Broadway and Colfax in downtown Denver?
A. DPD expects the scene to be backed up for quite a while.

Q. Why didn't the bald eagle on top of Pike's Peak think he'd be a suspect in the Cripple Creek crime?
A. Because he was above suspicion.

Q. Why are the Brighton Police desperately searching for a thief who threatens people with a lit match?
A. They want to catch him before he strikes again.

Did you hear about the Boulder backyard chicken farmer who died mysteriously? Investigators suspect fowl play...

Q. How can Coloradans tell if a fugitive chicken flew the coop?
A. She's still wearing hen-cuffs!

Q. Who is haunting the KFC near Littleton Cemetery?
A. Littleton Police claim it's actually cannibal Alferd Packer because he just doesn’t have a taste for chicken meat.

Q. Why didn't the burglar break into the Denver Library on Broadway?
A. He was afraid if he got caught, he'd get a really long sentence.

Littleton Police report that there have been a lot of thefts at the local bowling alley and warn that the criminals are likely to strike again.

Q. Why did that Vail area beaver go to jail?
A. He held up the dammed riverbank.

Outside the Denver Mint, a publicity-seeking criminal said he swallowed a large amount of counterfeit coins to avoid being caught with them. It turned out, he was really full of non-cents.

| Police Jokes | Arresting LOLs | Detective Jokes | Burglar Puns | Jail Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes |
| Colorado Crime Jokes | Colorado Nightlife LOLs | Denver Dog Puns | Rocky Wildlife LOLs | 2 | 3 |
| You Might Be From Colorado If... | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Colorado Tourism | Mountain Jokes | 2 | 3 |
| Colorado Commuter Jokes | Colorado Music Jokes | Colorado Fashion Puns | Colorado Bigfoot |
| Colorado Sports Puns | Skiing Jokes | Go Broncos! | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Hiking Jokes | Fishing Puns |
| Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Colorado Cuisine and Munchies Jokes | Colorado Chile Pepper Puns |
| Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Mile High Denver Humor | Legal Weed Jokes | Mile High Club Jokes |
| Water LOLs | Colorado Weather Jokes | Cool Weather | 2 | Winter Jokes | Colorado Come-Ons |
| Colorado Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | Denver Puns | 2 | 3 |

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