Horse Says: Happy Saddle Day! - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. Why do horses fart when they buck? A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!
Please stop the cow puns? I'm calving nightmares!
Owner of a threatening bull was arrested. He was brought up on charges.
Oh, give me a gnome where the buffalo roam
Q. What happened to the lost cattle? A. Nobody's herd!
Q. What do you call cattle that tell jokes? A. Laughing stock!
Q. After the bank robbery, why did the owner buy cows? A. To beef up security!
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.


Cowboy Jokes, Cattle Ranch Humor, Cowpoke Puns
Round up beefy cowboy jokes, ranch hand humor, bullshit puns and a lot of horsing around.

Pardner Puns, Rancher Jokes, Cattleman Humor
('Cause Funny Cowboy Jokes and Driven Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Free-Range Cattle on the Moove!)
Warning: Drive Onward Cautiously! Cattle rustler jokes, stock laughs, rodeo humor and pro cowboy puns ahead.
| Cowboy Jokes, Rancher Puns | Cow Jokes | Cow On the Moon | Bull Puns | Dairy Farm Humor |
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Q. Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A. He's got no beef!Q. Who wond the cowboy's chess match? A. It ended in a drawl!Q. When is rancher like a magician? A. When he turns a cow into a pasture!

Q. Why are successful rodeo cowboys so rich?
A. Because every bronco gives them a buck or two.

Q. Where do cowboy cooks feel right at home?
A. On the range.

Q. What happened when a rancher tried to teach baby cows to drink coffee?
A. Only one calf in eight did!

Q. What do cowboys say about Painful Puns that feature equines?
A. Neigh!

Q. What is a happy cowboy's favorite candy?
A. Jolly Rancher.

Q. What is the definition of derange?
A. Where de cowboys ride wild.

Q. Why did the rancher name his horse Flattery?
A. Because it got him nowhere.

Q. Why do Cowboys write poetry?
A. Because they're inspired by the moos.

Q. What is the highest honor among Cowboy poets?
A. Poet lariat.

Q. What sickness can a cowboy get from riding a wild horse?
A. Bronchitis!

Q. What is a metaphor?
A. For grazin' yer cattle.

Q. Why did the cow tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
A. She believed children should be seen and not herded!

Q. What do Coloradans call a guy who gets on a raging bull after another rider got dumped off?
A. Successor to the thrown.

Q. What does a cowboy call bad directions from a cow?
A. A bum steer.

Q. How did the dude ranch owner figure out which horse was most popular with the dudes?
A. He conducted a Gallop Poll.

Q. Why does the rancher call his son Seabisquit?
A. Because he was always horsing around.

Q. Why do cattle ranchers like Painful cow Puns?
A. They like being a-moosed.

Q. How does a cowboy get his horse to do odd jobs around the ranch? A. He pays hin under the stable!Q. Why was teh rancher arrested at the gym? A. He was hurting his calves!Q. How do modern cowboys stay in touch? A. They send tex messages!

Q. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
A. His horse's name is Friday!

Q. What do cowboys say about horse surgeons?
A. They have stable hands.

Q. How does a professional cowboy get a wild stallion to accept a halter?
A. He turn the stables on him.

Q. Why did the cowboy ride his horse into town?
A. It was too heavy to carry.

Q. Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?
A. So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.

Q. What happened to the dude ranch owner who bought too many horses?
A. He was saddled with debt.

Cowboy Chat Up Line: Hey gal, I saw how you handled that mechanical bull, so I want to let you know you can straddle me any time.

Q. What did the rancher get when he crossed a dog and a cow?
A. Hound Beef!

Q. When is a cattle rancher a magician?
A. When he turns the cows into the pasture.

Q. What do you call a young cowboy with the emotional character of a horse?
A. Colt-hearted.

Q. How did the cowboy save a horse that's been possessed by an evil demon spirit?
A. He performs an ex-horse-ism.

Q. What did the cowboy call a horse with no hair on his neck?
A. He shall remain maneless.

Q. What do ranches call a cow that's been hit by lightning?
A. Ground beef.

Q. Why were the Wyoming rancher's stock so skittish?
A. Because they were cow herds.

Q. How can a cattle rancher tell which cow is the best dancer?
A. He waits until she busts a moove.

Q. Where do cattle ranchers post their videos online?
A. MooTube.

Q. What does a cowboy call a horse that keeps losing its iPad?
A. An Appaloosa!

Q. Which NFL Super Bowl matchup caused the most arguing on the Ranch outside Denver?
A. Cowboys vs Broncos.

Q. When does a cowboy's horse talk?
A. Whinny wants to!

Q. What do cattle ranchers like to use when they send texts?
A. E-moo-jis.

Q. Which kind of dinosaur wore cowboy boots?
A. The Bronco-saurus.

Q. What does a cowboy call the horse that lives next door?
A. Neighbor.

Q. What does a cowboy give to a sick horse?
A. Cough Stirrup!

You might be from Colorado if you highly recomment the Rocky Mountain Oysters to your visiting in-laws!Q. What Do You Call a Man Who Drinks and Falls Off His Horse? A. Wine-Stoned CowboyBull asks: Did you hear about the guy who died eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull dragged him more than a mile!

Q. What do they serve at the dude ranch before the main course?
A. Horse d'oeuvres.

Q. What did the lonely cowboy get when he crossed a horse and a bee?
A. Neigh Buzz!

Q. What did the cowboy's barber say?
A. Pardner, you've got one wicked cowlick!

Q. Why did the blonde cowgirl feed her horse so much hay?
A. She thought it would make him softer to ride on.

Q. What kind of car does a Texas cattle baron's champion bull drive?
A. A Cattle-ac.

Pick Up a Cattle Rancher Line: Hey big fella, you are one fine piece of acreage.

A cowboy walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

Q. What does a cowboy drug addict say before using heroin?
A. I am rootin', tootin', and ready for shootin'.

Q. Where does a cowboy take his trusty steed when it's sick?
A. To the horse-pital!

Cowboy Come-On Line: Hey Gal, I am hung like a horse!

Q. Where do cattle ranchers eat lunch?
A. The calf-eteria!

Q. What do Texas ranchers call a cattle herd that's masturbating?
A. Beef Strokin' Off.

Bullshit Cowboy Pick-Up Line: Cow you doin'?

Rancher Pick-Up Line: Hey gal, of all the beautiful faces out there, I just can't get pastures.

Q. Why wouldn't the other free-range calves play with the little longhorn?
A. Because he was a bully!

Horse Hookup Line: Hay lady, would you like to star in my cowboy movie? You can ride my pony all night long.

Q. When did the cowboy's horseback trip begin?
A. Ride On Time.

Q. What did the Wyoming rancher name his prize-winning steer?
A. Chuck.

Horsey Cowboy Pick-Up Line: Hay lady, you're a fine little filly. I'm a purebred myself, so you wanna go for a quick trot?

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? A. A Mechanic!You might from Colorado if you will not touch Rocky Mountain Oysters, not even with a ten foot pole!Q. What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A. Show us your calves!

Q. Why did the blonde cowboy only wear one spur?
A. Duh! Where one side of the horse goes, the other side will go, too!

Q. Which sport entails rounding up and stealing cattle as a form of dramatic entertainment?
A. Professional rustling.

Q. Where do cattle ranchers ride in the train?
A. The cow-boose.

A cowboy fell in love with his donkey and decided to marry her. At the wedding, the minister said, "Well, this is refreshing. Usually it's the woman who marries the ass."

Q. What did the sleep-deprived rancher say to his cow who was mooing into the wee hours?
A. It's pasture bedtime!

Q. What was the cattle rustler doing when he broke into the ranch?
A. Taking stock.

Q. Where do Cowlorado cowboys go to vacation?
A. Moontana and Cowlifornia.

Q. Do old cowboys ever die?
A. No, but they get deranged.

Q. Why did the cowboy decide to quit his job at the rodeo?
A. It was a spur of the moment decision.

Q. How does a Wall Street broker define laughing stock?
A. Cattle with a sense of humor.

Q. Which cowboy wrote the book about cattle tattoos?
A. Brandon Cows.

Q. What is a cattleman's favorite sci-fi series?
A. Dr. Moo.

Q. What did the rancher get when he crossed a cow and a poodle?
A. Cow Poo!

Q. What did the cattle rancher get when he crossed a cow with a goat?
A. A Coat.

Q. How does a cowboy know if a colt is sick?
A. He feels a little hoarse.

Q. What is the worst thing you can call a cowboy?
A. A MOOron.

Q. What do high tech Aussie cowboys call their stock?
A. E-moos.

Q. How are cow pies and cowgirls alike?
A. Pardner, the older they are, the easier they are to pick up!

Old ranchers never die. They're just put out to pasture.

Q. Which NFL football team matchup is always a winner for cowboys?
A. Colts vs Broncos.

Q. Which newspaper do cattle ranchers read?
A. The Daily Moos.

Q. What do cowboy call extremely noisy cows?
A. Herd animals.

Q. Why don't Colorado cattlemen get mad cow disease?
A. Because men are swine.

Q. How did the horseback riding instructor at the dude ranch get more clients?
A. He decided to stirrup some new business.

Q. What does a rancher call one cow half?
A. Calf.

Q. What do young cowgirls call their lifelong buddies?
A. Best Friends for Heifer!

Q. Why did the cow kick Roy Rogers?
A. She heard he was a cowpuncher.

Q. What happened after the old cowboy actor passed away?
A. He rode off into the sunset.

Q. What do cattlemen call it when a tornado hits a feed lot?
A. A shit storm.

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Pardner, you've been driven this far, so here's more ranch handy humor,
whoa-ful jokes, cow-medy, bullshit painful puns and some horsing around

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