Q. How much does a pirate pay for corn? A. A buck an ear!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Why did the farmer quit? His celery wasn't high enough!

Q. How do you fix a broken tomato? A. With tomato paste!
Q. What do you call a pig that wins the lottery? A. Filthy Rich!


Farm Fresh Food Jokes, Produce Puns, Veggie Humor
Get a sweet dill on farmer's market puns, freshly picked melon humor, and corny produce jokes.

Farmer's Market Jokes and Roadside Stand Humor
(Because Fruit Stand Jokes and Fresh From the Farm Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Down Home Dining!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Hot potato jokes, sweet corn smiles, has bean humor and un-beet-able puns ahead.
| Farmer's Market Jokes | Farmer Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Veggie Growing Puns | Melon Patch |
| Corn Jokes | Carrot Jokes | Potato Puns | Criminal Farm Jokes | Pig Puns | Chicken Jokes |
| Dairy Farm Jokes | Cow Puns | Horse Humor | Farm Music | Fun On the Farm | Farm Hookups |

Q. What do you call a pickle you buy for a great price? A. A Sweet Dill!
After realizing just how much corn he had for sale, the farmer grinned from ear to ear!
Q. Why did the grocery store sell green and purple cabbage? A. Because two heads are better than one!

Q. What should you do if you've lost the root veggie you just bought at the farmer's market?
A. Don't worry. It will turnip.

Q. What is it called when a fresh produce shopper at a farmer's market has to sample an item before purchasing it?
A. Buy-curious.

Market Groan of the Day: Went to the roadside produce stand today for lemons and apples, but they didn't have any. It was a fruitless trip!

Q. Why was the Iowa farmer so rich?
A. He corn-ered the market.

Farmer's Market Point to Ponder: How can you compare apples and oranges by their nutritional values?

Q. What did the shy corn at the farmer's market say when it got a huge compliment?
A. Aw, shucks.

Q. Why does fresh sweet corn from a roadside stand make everything better?
A. 'Cause it's so a-maize-ing.

Q. What did the heart surgeon buy at the roadside produce stand?
A. Beets.

Q. Which kind of vegetable do librarians always buy at the farmer's market ?
A. Quiet Peas!

Q. What is the most awesome veggie at your local farmer's market?
A. The RAD-ish.

Q. What did the poet purchase at the roadside produce stand?
A. Rhyme-a beans.

Q. What do you do if ife gives you melons? A. See a doctor, because you're dyslexic!
Q. Why was a snowman rummaging through that big bag of carrots? A. He was just picking his hose!
Q. How much is a pirate willing to pay for corn? A. A Buck An Ear!

Q. What is the guideline for determining watermelon ripeness at a roadside stand or farmer's market?
A. Rule of thump.

Q. Why did the guy break up with his watermelon vendor girlfriend?
A. Because she was always so melon-dramatic about everything!

Q. How did the TV news commentator describe the serial vandalism of gooseberries at the farmer's market?
A. This is a sad state of currant affairs.

Q. What was a vampire shopping for at the farmer's market?
A. Neck-tarines.

Q. Who helps little pumpkins safely cross the street to the farmer's market?
A. The crossing gourd.

Farmer's Market Fact of the Day: Vegetable puns make me feel good from my head tomatoes.

Q. When did peas stop ruling the veggies roadside stand?
A. Right after the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.

Q. Where is the most convenient place to buy maize in the city?
A. At the corn-er store.

Q. What happened after a fresh truckload of celery and asparagus arrived at the roadside produce stand?
A. Employees re-stalked the shelves.

Q. What did the vegan rock drummer buy at the farmer's market?
A. Beets.

Q. Why did the tomato stop in the middle of the road across from the farmer's market?
A. It ran out of juice.

Gnome MacDonald, Bought the Farm.
Q. Why doesn't a pickle like to travel? A. Because it's a jarring experience!
Railway that ships potatoes and yams nation wide: Yam Trak

Q. What do they call the business head at Old MacDonald's Farm?

Q. Where do executive pumpkins hold their business meetings?
A. In a gourd-room.

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. What do you have if you've got six potatoes in one hand, three peppers, and a bunch of leeks in the other?
A. Huge hands.

Q. What do you call a pickle that was run over on the highway trying to secape from the roadside stand?
A. Road Dill.

Q. What does a corporate pickle put on his agenda?
A. His dilly schedule.

Q. What did the bodybuilder pick up at the farmer's market?
A. Muscle sprouts.

Q. Why did the farmer decide he needef a career change?
A. 'Cause the work was sow, sow.

Q. Two potatoes are standing on a street corner. How can you tell which one is a hooker?
A. It's the one who says, "Idaho."

Q. What do farmers call a spud that just watches the action at the produce stand from across the streets?
A. A spec-tater.

Q. What do you call a yam that was stolen for Thanksgiving dinner?
A. A hot potato.

Q. What is the job title of the guy in charge of workers bundling wheat?
A. The commander in sheaf.

Q. What does corn use for money? A. Corn Bread!
Q. Why did the farmer make the pigs do paperwork? A. Because it was grunt work!
Q. Why don't cows have any money? A. Because farmers milk them dry!

Corny Point to Ponder: When you come across sweet corn on sale at the grocery store for $1 each, is that a bucaneer sale?

Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive wheat to wheat.

Q. What does a farmer at a roadside stand call a stolen spud?
A. A hot potato!

Grocery Store Shopper: Are those genetically modified zucchini?
Produce Guy: Why do you ask?
Zucchini: Yeah, why do you ask?

Q. What was the witch shopping for at the supermarket down the road from the farmer's market?
A. Bagels and scream cheese.

Q. What do you call a veggie farmer's formal speech about the progress of pungent bulbs?
A. A state of the onion address.

Q. Which popular tomato variety sold at farmer's markets smells the best?
A. A Roma.

Q. Why did the tomato cross the road?
A. To ketchup with his friends at the roadside stand.

Q. Which variety of slicing tomato is the most popular at farmer's markets near Hollywood?
A. Celebrity.

Q. Which vegetables do podiatrists seek out at the farmer's market?
A. B-onions and corns.

Q. What does a farmer say to start the the business day at his roadside produce stand?
A. Lettuce Begin!

Q. Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
A. Because roosters work for chicken feed.

Wife At the Farmer's Market: What kind of vegetable would you like for dinner tonight?
Husband: Beets Me?

Q. What do vegetable lovers just home from the farmer's market call an occasion for burping?
A. A Tupperware party!

Q. What is a farm fresh produce vendor's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.

| Farmer's Market Jokes | Farmer Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Veggie Growing Puns | Melon Patch |
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| Farm Jokes, Farm Animal Puns | Dairy Farm Jokes | Fun On the Farm | Farm Pick-Up Lines |
| Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Chicken Cross the Road | Rooster Puns | Goose Jokes | Duck Puns |
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