Q. Why did the blonde buy a tiny hot habanero pepper plant?
A. She wanted to spice up her backyard garden decor.

Q. Why did the gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he simply didn't have enough cabbage.

I went to the grocery store for 6 Sprites, but when I got home I realized I picked 7 Up.

Q. Where do electricians prefer to do their shopping?
A. The outlet mall.

Q. Where does a chic ghost shop for new bedsheets?
A. At a boo-tique.

Q. Where do owls on a budget like to go shopping?
A. The owlet mall.

Q. What happened when the Dutch started making wooden shoes again?
A. All the stores were clogged!

Q. What is a centipede's most dreaded chore?
A. Shopping for new shoes.

Q. What is it called when you're out shoe shopping and find the perfect pair?
A. Sole mates.

A shopper at Target tried to buy one of those divider sticks, but the checkout clerk kept putting it back.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever go shopping for furniture with a constipated man?
A. 'Cause he can never pass a stool.

Q. What did the clerk at the Pike's Peak souvenir shop do when the tourist bought a bell?
A. He rang it up.

Q. Where do plastic surgeons shop before a boob job?
A. Breast Buy.

Q. What did the boat store call a big discount?
A. A two-for-one sail!

Point to Ponder: When boat shops sell sloops, cutters, and ketches, does the price include sails tax?

Q. What do you call shoppers waiting in line to purchase a chair?
A. Buy-standers.

Q. Which romantic song does a big wad of money sing to someone who's out on a shopping spree?
A. You Spend Me.

Centsless Shopper Tip of the Day: Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall.

Q. What happened to the guy who had a toilet paper display collapse on him at the store?
A. He suffered from soft tissue damage.

Grocery Store Cashier: Paper, or plastic?
Customer: Either. I'm bi-sack-tual.

Q. Why did the guy's wife always get so jealous when he went grocery shopping?
A. 'Cause somebody was always checking him out there.

Q. What happened to the grocery store shopper who viciously stabbed a box of Rice Krispies?
A. The cops arrested him for being a cereal killer.

Q. What is it called when you didn't plan on getting a lottery ticket, but you got one anyway?
A. Buy chance.

Did you see the sign outside the shop that said: 50% off Trousers? Actually, they were selling shorts!

Fashion Point to Ponder: Can a one-armed man buy clothing a second hand store?

Q. Why did the corporate stuffed shirt pass out while he was shopping for casual Friday attire?
A. We don't have the faintest idea…

I went shopping to find camouflage pants, but unfortunately, I simply couldn't find any. meme

Q. How was business at the new big and tall store going?
A. Buy and large, quite well.

Q. What do home inprovement shoppers call an inexpensive door handle displayed next to the pricey ones?
A. A hob knob.

Q. Why did the frugal chef go to so many stores to find the best prices for herbs?
A. He thought it was thyme well spent.

Went to the grocery store today for lemons and apples, but they didn't have any. It was a fruitless trip!

Q. Why did the shopper go to the grocery store wearing cowboy boots, a western shirt and a big belt buckle?
A. He wanted to buy some ranch dressing.

Spice Aisle Pick Up Line: Hey Herb, you cumin here often?

Q. What do you call Shanghai market workers who toss items in baskets?
A. Chinese checkers.

A guy in the grocery store express checkout register tried to buy one of those divider sticks, but the clerk kept putting it back.

Old car salesmen never die, they just go out of commission.

Q. Back in the day at the video store,what was the guy told when he asked to rent Batman Forever?
A. No, you have to bring it back on Thursday.

Q. Why is Wonder Woman's eye makeup always so alluring?
A. Because she's from Themyscira and Maybelline has an outlet store there.

Q. What do you call it when Bruce Banner goes shopping at Sam's Club?
A. The Incredible Hoard!

Q. What is it called if your surreptitiously pocket a pushpin out of an office supply store?
A. Sneak a tack.

Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology store sales person?
A. The car salesman knows he's lying!

I accidentally farted in the Apple Store and everybody was there was fairly offput. Hey, it's not my fault they don't have Windows there...

A blonde got a new cell phone from her hubbie. Next day she went shopping and her phone rang. Her husband asked, "How's your new phone?" She replied, "Great, but how'd you know I was at WalMart?"

Old computer salesmen never die, but they do get the boot.

Q. Why did the optimist go shopping for a digital camera in 1999?
A. 'Cause there were no negatives.

Q. What do you call it when David Banner goes shopping at Costco?
A. The Incredible Bulk!

Q. Do old underwear sales reps ever die?
A. No, they just lose their briefs.

Customer at Victoria's Secret: Is this underwear satin?
Blonde Sales Clerk: No, they're new.

Q. Why did the blonde pawn shop manager take the customer into the vault?
A. For safe sex.

Underwear Pick-Up Line: Girl, did you get those panties on sale? 'Cause at my house, they're 100% off.

Q. Do old underwear sales reps ever die?
A. No, they just lose their briefs.

Q. What did the apathetic Aussie guy say when his wife wanted him to assemble new DIY furniture from a chain store?
A. Does it look like IKEA?

Q. What did the shoppers say when the salesman asked how their hunt for the perfect couch was going?
A. Sofa, so good.

Q. Why did the guy go out shopping at the home furnishings store called "Hooker Furniture?
A. He was looking for one nightstand.

Q. Why did the furniture store donate so much to good causes?
A. The owners are really into chair-ity.

Furniture Store Pick-Up Line: Baby, give me the couch 'cause I need some sectional healing.

Q. Where do Sith Lords go shopping?
A. Darth Mall.

Q. What is it called if shopping turns you on and makes you really horny?
A. Buy-sexual.

Q. What did the guy say when the salesman asked if he wanted to buy some geared cogwheels?
A. He said, "No, keep your pinions to ourself."

Q. Why didn't Handel go shopping?
A. Because he was baroque!

Q. What do you call last-minute holiday shoppers waiting in line to make their purchases?
A. Buy-standers.

Q. Where do werewolves go shopping for Christmas gifts?
A. Beast Buy.

Q. Why are sopranos so good at Christmas shopping?
A. They always manage to get Descant prices.

Q. What was the snowman doing at the grocery store?
A. Shopping for Frosted Flakes.

Q. Where does a hungry spirit go shopping for Christmas fruit cake?
A. The ghost-ery store.

Q. Why are sopranos so good at Christmas shopping?
A. They always manage to get descant prices without getting into treble.

Q. Why did the salesman at the expensive antique clock shop, with the snooty customers, quit his job?
A. He just didn't have time for that.

Q. How do old store cashiers die?
A. They just check out.

Q. What is Captain Hook's favorite place to shop on shore leave?
A. The second hand store.

Q. Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.

Q. Why did a one-armed bot cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.

A blonde guy saw a sign on the corner by the pawn shop that read, "Watch for Children." So, he thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

Q. What is the most expensive item at the dollar store?
A. The condoms. OUCH!

Q. What is 50 Cent's least favorite place to shop?
A. The dollar store.

Q. What is it called when a shopper has to try out an item before purchasing it?
A. Buy-curious.

Q. Why didn't the sole proprietor of the corner store want help selling his merchandise?
A. 'Cause he could vend for himself.

Q. Why did the golfer go shopping for two pairs of plaid pants?
A. In case he gets a hole in one.

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.