Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A. Shine a light in her ear!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Drinking riddle: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A. They're both empty from the neck up!
Q. Why don't blondes take their phone into the bathroom? A. They don't want to share their IP address!
Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test? A. Saliva!
Police pick-up line for blondes: Officer, that's a mighty big flashlight you have there!

Q. What do you call a stupid vampire? A. A silly clot!
Q How many blindes does it take to change a light bulb? A. One, but she'll break ten bulbs before figuring out they can't be pushed int!
Q. Why did the guy put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Q. Why did a blonde go to the dentist? A. Because somebody dented her car!
Police pick-up lines for blondes: What else can you do with your nightstick?
Q. What do you call a foolish old vampire? A. A Silly Old Sucker!
What rhymes with orange? A. No, it doesn't!
Did you hear about the blonde water polo player? Her horse drowned!

 


Dumb and Dumber Blonde Jokes to Dye For - Duh!
Brush up on blonde humor, hairy funny puns, duh jokes, and highlights of blonde moments.

Blonde Jokes, Dumb Puns, Wigged Out Humor
(Because Dumb Blonde Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Redheads, Brunettes, and Bald Guys - Duh!)
Warning: Dye at Your Own Hand! Dumb blonde jokes, stupid head humor, and tress-ful blonde puns ahead.
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns and Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Underwear Jokes, Ample Bra Puns, and Brief Laughs | Eyeglasses Jokes | Furniture Jokes |
| Fashion Jokes and Clothing Puns | 2 | 3 | Colorado Fashion Jokes | Shoe Jokes, Sole-ful Puns |

Q. Why did the anorexic blonde start eating hay? A. Her doctor told her she needed to eat like a horse!ET Chef Asks: Why did the blonde chef shave the peaches? A. Because the recipe called for nectarines!Q. Why did the blonde toss a clock out the window? A. She wanted to see time fly!

Q. Why did the blonde eat a banana without peeling it first?
A. Duh! She already knew what was inside.

Q. How does a Broncos tailgater introduce himself to the hot blonde who just arrived?
A. Hay There!

Q. Why did the blonde feed her horse so much hay?
A. She thought it would make him softer to ride on.

Q. What did the blonde say when the mechanic asked her what coolant is?
A. Duh, a small insect with style!

Q. Why did the blonde Colorado tourist think her car needed another muffler?
A. Because it was so cold outside.

Q. What did the blonde do when she heard most accidents happen within 10 miles of home?
A. She moved a mile further out.

Q. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A. Branch Manager.

Q. Why did the blonde hate the road?
A. It was driving her crazy!

Q. Why did the blonde bride get married at the summit of Guanella Pass in Colorado?
A. Duh, she knew the drive up the winding road would make the guests dizzy, too!

Q. Why don't blondes go bald?
A. Because the vacuum in their head hold the hair on!

Q. What did the blonde hair stylish say when the man said he wanted a hair cut?
A. Which one?

Q. What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
A. You keep hearing about them, but you've never personally seen one.

Q. How does a Blonde soparano sing the scales?
A. Do Re Mi, Me, Me, Me, Me, Doh!

Q. What did the blonde say when headphones went on sale?
A. It's music to my ears.

Doctor: Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body?
Blonde Nurse: Shhhh. There's a pack of hungry dogs outside!

Q. Why was the blonde guy afraid to fly to Finland?
A. He was afraid he'd disappear in FinnAir!

Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy gnome behind you.
– Some Blonde, Duh!

Q. Why did the blonde cowboy only wear one spur?
A. Duh! Where one side of the horse goes, the other side will go, too!

Q. Why did the blonde sit on her watch?
A. Because she needed to be ON time!

Q. Why did the blonde put an alarm clock inside her running shoe?
A. She didn't want her foot to fall asleep.

Q. Why did the blonde call AAA when her laptop battery died?
A. Well, duh!

Q. At which age is a blonde most likely to make lots of playful romantic gestures?
A. Flirty-something.

Q. How did the blonde pilot explain the helicopter crash?
A. It got cold, so I turned the fan off...

Q. Why didn't the blonde pilot practice before taking off?
A. She thought she could just wing it.

Q. Why did the retro blonde wear ear muffs?
A. To avoid the draft.

Q. Why did the enterprising blonde entrepreneur buy a new pottery wheel?
A. She was hoping to turn a profit.

Q. Why was the blonde basketball player sitting on the bench doodling chickens?
A. 'Cause the coach asked her to draw fowls.

Q. What kind of breasts did the blonde physicist have?
A. QuanTitties.

Q. Why did the blonde take a nap on the toilet? A. Because it's in the rest room!Q. Why did a blonde toss butter out the window? A. To see butter fly, duh!Police pick-up lines for blondes: What else can you do with your nightstick?

Q. Why did the blonde guy get kicked out of the swimming pool?
A. 'Cause the breaststroke wasn't what he thought it was...

Q. Why did the blonde swim with the dolphins?
A. It gives her a true sense of porpoise.

Q. What do you call if when a blonde can't decide if she'll swim in the ocean or not?
A. A wade 'n sea attitude.

Q. What did the blonde call the sweater her cat always slept on?
A. Worse fur wear.

Q. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail?
A. The pounding was giving her a headache.

Q. Why did it take the blonde so long to shower?
A. The bottle says: Rinse and repeat...

Q. Why didn't the busy blondes go bowling lately?
A. 'Cause they couldn’t pin down a time.

Q. Why did the blonde get a perm?
A. 'Cause her trainer said curls might help. Duh!

Q. Why did the blonde bodybuilder change her workout clothes?
A. Somebody said she was ripped.

Q. Why did the blonde decide to withdraw all the money in her bank account and take it home all in coins?
A. 'Cause she needed some real change in her life.

Q. What happened when the blonde put coffee on a clear grass panel?
A. It was filtered beyond opacity.

Q. Why did the blonde only use 25 letters of the alphabet?
A. She doesn't know Y.

Q. Why did the blonde throw her doll on the grill?
A. She heard it was a Barbie-que.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?
A. There's still a piece of cheese in front of the mouse.

Q. Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes shut?
A. To see what she looked like asleep.

Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A. She didn't want to mess up her hair.

Q. Why did the blonde baseball player bring string to her fastpitch game?
A. In case she needed to tie the score.

Q. Why did the blonde run backward?
A. She wanted to gain weight.

A blonde went to the gym and decided to jump on the treadmill. But, people were giving her weird looks, so she decided to jog instead.

Q. Why did the blonde dieter get kicked out of Fat Fighters at her first visit?
A. Because they did not offer sumo wrestling there.

Blonde Banking Tip of the Day: When you're switching to a new bank, bring money with you and make sure you take that into account.

Q. What do you call a room full of redhead beatniks reciting poetry?
A. Ginger snaps.

Q. What do you call a blonde policeman?
A. A fair cop!

Did you hear about the blonde marathon runner who ran for an hour, but only ran two feet? Well, Duh! She only had two feet!

Q. What did the blonde runner drink when she was in last place?
A. Ketchup.

Q. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in the back seat of her car?
A. In case she locked the keys inside.

Q. Do hot blondes smoke after sex?
A. Dunno. I've never looked?

Q. What do you call if when a blonde can't decide if she'll swim in the ocean or not?
A. A wade 'n sea attitude.

Q. Why did the blonde guys stop fishing for phones?
A. Because they always ring off their hooks.

Q. Why did the blonde say when she called in sick?
A. I have an eye problem. I can't see myself coming in today.

Q. What did the blonde say to her contact lenses?
A. I can't take my eyes off of you.

Q. Where do busty blonde aliens go?
A. Areola 51. Duh!

Q. Why did the blonde go to the bank wanting to swap 100 grapes for 50 raisins?
A. Because she wasn't sure about the currant exchange rate.

The banker offered the hot blonde a great compliment. He said all her accounts have outstanding balances…

Q. What is a blonde's idea of a balanced diet? A. A glass of wine in each hand!Superman, Santa Claus, and a blonde saw $1 on the sidewalk. Who picked it up? A. The blonde, because the other two don't exist!Did you hear about the new soda just for blondes? It has "Open Other End" printed on the bottom, duh!

Blonde Manicurist Point to Ponder: Why hasn't anybody invented edible nail polish?

Q. Why was the blonde Colorado stone-ette so happy today?
A. She was baked, like an apple pie!

Q. What do you call a dozen blondes in a walk-in cooler?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What could save a dying blonde?
A. Hair Transplants.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A. So brunettes can understand them!

Q. Why didn't the blonde work out while she had a cold?
A. She figured her nose could do the running instead.

Q. Why did the blonde decide not to go bowling?
A. She heard the pins were on strike.

Q. How did the blonde know her relationship was over?
A. Her battery ran out on her.

Dental Hygeinist: What kind of filling do you want in your tooth?
Overly Anesthetized Blonde: Chocolate.

Blonde Patient: What did the x-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Nothing.

Q. What did the blonde write on the form in the who to contact in case of emergency blank?
A. A very good doctor!

Q. How does a blonde define rectum?
A. Almost killed 'em.

Q. Why was the blonde vampire considered simple-minded?
A. Because she was a complete sucker.

Q. Why does it take so long to build a blonde snowman?
A. Because you have to hollow out the head...

Q. Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on One Buck Night?
A. They couldn't coax a deer into their car.

Q. Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes?
A. Because it gives them something to do on Saturday nights!

Q. Why did the blonde wear her Thank God It's Friday T-shirt on Sunday?
A. Because she found religion on Saturday night.

Q. Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?
A. Duh, because the sun is out!

Q. Why did the blonde name her cat Monday?
A. Because it's dark, snarky, and sneaks up out of nowhere!

Q. Why did the blonde wear her TGIF T-shirt on Monday?
A. She thought it meant Tits Go In Front.

Q. Why did the blonde take her cosmetics to class?
A. It was a makeup exam.

Q. Why did the blonde check the knots for tightness?
A. To see if they'd learned what they'd been taut.

Q. Why did the blonde tennis player charge the net?
A. 'Cause she ran out of cash.

Q. Why did the blonde lick the bottom of the soda can?
A. Because it said, "Tastes best by sell by date." Duh!

Q. Why did the blonde put several fruity beverages on top of her laptop at night?
A. 'Cause she was up on top of cider security!

Q. Why did the blonde star at the frozen orange juice?
A. Because the instructions said Concentrate!

Q. Why did a blonde send her cow to dark side of the moon?
A. She wanted dark chocolate milk.

Q. Why does the blonde always put her laptop on a cooling rack while she's using it online?
A. 'Cause it says, "This site uses cookies, Duh!"

Q. What did the blonde say when some jerk blew into her bra?
A. Thanks for the refill.

Q. Why did the blonde ghost try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big boobies.

Did you hear about the blonde who learned to play piano by ear? She finally figured out it was easier to use her hands...

A lady walked into a shrink's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The blonde receptionist sent her to the optician's office next door.

Q. Why did the blonde keep losing her contact lenses?
A. She just couldn't keep her eye on them.

Blinding Bleach Blonde Fact of the Day: Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Q. Why did the girl put two quarters in her ear? A. To hear 50 Cent!Police pick-up line for blondes: I love a man in uniform. I'd love you to frisk me!Did you hear about the girl who fell off the toilet? She was so embarrassed, that her cheeks flushed!

Q. How can you tell a blonde is not a Broncos fan?
A. She can't understand why all those guys are beating each other up over 25 cents.

Q. How can you tell a blonde is not a Broncos fan?
A. She thinks a quarterback is change for a buck.

Q. Why did the blonde, who slept with her cell phone under her pillow, wake up with a $10 bill there instead?
A. She was visited by the Bluetooth Fairy!

Q. Why was the blonde broke?
A. Some guy said, "A penny for your thoughts."

Q. Why did the blonde go broke?
A. Because she had no cents.

Q. What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A. One's a phony buck.

Q. How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A. It's the one with the kickstand.

Q. Why do blondes like lightning?
A. They love having their picture taken.

Q. How do you keep a blond in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow...

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap and spreads easily.

Q. Why did the blonde love wearing her new bra to the movies?
A. It was great for catching the stray popcorn.

Q. Why did the blonde get kicked out of the gym during kickboxing class?
A. 'Cause the gym didn't have a kickboxing class!

Q. What was the blonde ballerina's GPA?
A. 2.2.

Q. What did the blonde say when she lost her Abba CD?
A. Where did the disco?

Smart Money Tip of the Day: A blonde threw a coin into the wishing fountain and wished for lots of coins. But, it turns out wishes just don't come true. Sometimes you have to get your feet wet. DUH!

A blonde guy saw a sign on the corner by the pawn shop that read, "Watch for Children." So, he thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

Customer at Victoria's Secret: Is this underwear satin?
Blonde Sales Clerk: No, they're new.

Q. Why did the banker take the blonde teller into the bank vault?
A. For safe sex.

Q. Why were there bullet holes in the mirror?
A. Because a blonde tried to kill herself?

Three blonde hikers were in the pine forest and came across some tracks. The first one said, "It looks like bear tracks." The second said, "No, it looks like beaver tracks." Before the third could say anything, they all got hit by a train... Dam!

Q. Why did the blonde keep an empty milk carton in the fridge?
A. In case she wanted black coffee.

Q. What do the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A. Both have swallowed a lot of semen.

Q. How can you tell a blonde landscaped your yard?
A. The bushes are darker than the rest.

Did you hear about the blonde who went to the gym on her own Accord this morning. Well, why would she drive somebody else's car? Duh!

Q. What happens when blonde potheads from Kansas visit Colorado with orange Zigzags?
A. Colorado gets even more colorful.

Q. What do blonde stoners always take on Colorado skiing trips?
A. High-powered gondolas, duh!

Q. Why was the blonde toursit just standing in the middle of the busy Denver intersection at Broadway and Colfax?
A. The Walk sign changed to Don't Walk, so she just stopped.

Q. Why did the blonde feed money to her cows?
A. Because she wanted rich milk.

Q. How did the blonde know she truly was poor?
A. She couldn't even pay attention.

Blonde Customer: Waiter, there's a hand in my soup.
Waiter: Duh, that's not your soup, that's your finger bowl.

Q. Why did the bulimic redhead swallow a penny, and then vomited it afterward?
A. Because she heard change should come from within.

Q. What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.

Q. Why was the blonde chef crushing tomotoes with her upper legs?
A. She was making Peak 'o de Thigh-o. Duh!

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. What did the blonde say to the noisy plumbers who were fixing her sink why she was trying to sleep?
A. Pipe down!

Q. Why didn't the blonde take up water skiing?
A. She couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Q. Why did a blonde drive to the auto body repair shop?
A. She was looking for a dentist!

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been baking cookies?
A. M&M shells are all over the counter.

Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go up to 700!

Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in psychology? She'll blow your mind, too.

Q. What do peroxide blondes and African Americans have in common?
A. Black roots.

Blonde Swimmer Duh of the Day: I could never date guys who swim in the kiddie pool, 'cause that's too shallow for me.

Q. What did the guy say to the blonde when he playfully slapped her butt?
A. Hi, Poopsie!

Q. What do you call a blonde actress with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Doctor: Why did you take your meds before the prescribed time?
Blonde Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

Q. How did the blonde get injured?
A. She was hit by a parked car. OUCH!

Q. Why did the blonde bring lipstick and eye shadow to class?
A. Because she had a make-up test.

Q. Why did the blonde tourist smack her camera with a frying pan?
A. She wanted a pan-o-ram-ic shot of Pike's Peak!

Q. Why didn't the blonde go into the bank that offered 24 Hour Banking?
A. Because she didn't have that much time. DUH!

Q. Why were blondes putting notes at the bottom of the telephone pole?
A. They were adding comments to this post.

Did you hear about the blonde hipster in Colorado who wore shorts and sandals in September, before it was cool?

| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns and Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
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