A lot of money is tainted. Tain yours and it taint mine!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Big Ape Asks: Why did the idiot go broke? A. He had no cents!
Q. What do cloves use for money? A. Garlic bread!

Q. What did the cat say after he lost all his money? A. I'm Paw!
Q. What does corn use for money? A. Corn Bread!


Priceless Banking Humor, Funny Money Puns
Profit from bucking funny money jokes, rich laughter, safe humor and cents-less puns.

Money Jokes, Bank Humor, Priceless Puns
(Because Rich Humor and Money Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream if You're Standing in Line at the Bank!)
Warning: Invest with Caution! Interesting banker humor, funny money jokes, and cashed out puns ahead.
| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns | Penny Jokes, Cents-Less Puns | 2 | Accountant Jokes |
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |

Q. What did one penny say to another? A. Money jokes are priceless!If time is money, are ATMs time machines?Gorilla Says: Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back!

Non-Cents Money Point to Ponder: How many pennies are in one pun?

Q. Does money talk?
A. Yes! It says, "Buy, Bye."

Q. What is a proctologist's favorite money quip?
A. Bet your bottom dollar.

Q. Why did the guy decide against buying a belt made of 100-dollar bills?
A. Because it's a waist of money.

A guy was folding his pants, fresh out the drier, and found a dollar in a pocket. His blonde girlfriend walked in and asked, "Beau, how long have you been laundering money?"

Q. What is it called when you store your money from work in a vase?
A. Urned income.

Q. Which fitness song does a wad of money sing to someone who's out shopping?
A. You Spend Me.

Funny Money Question: Would it be too much to ask for these Painful money Puns to be good for a change?

Q. If money really did grow on trees, what would everyone's favorite season be?
A. Fall.

Money Hungry Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, are you a bank loan? 'Cause you've got my interest!

Q. Which kind of dog always has lots of money?
A. The Bloodhound, because he's always picking up scents.

Funny Money Point to Ponder: Isn't it ironic that only one company makes the game, Monopoly?

Q. What do you call your son's wife if she borrows a large sum of money from you?
A. Your debtor-in-law.

Not Funny Money Finance Fact: Being poor is no fund at all!

Money Point to Ponder: Is slipping on a roll of quarters around the corner a cents-less coincidence?

Gorilla Asks: Why do cheap guys watch porno movies backward? A. they like the part where the hooker gives the money back!If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it at church?Q. When does it rain money? A. When there's a change in teh weather!

Q. Why did the man keep throwing Monopoly Money at the stripper?
A. Because she kept putting fake boobies in his face!

Q. Which money saying do cops really eat up?
A. Dollars to donuts.

Deep Pocket Point to Ponder: If you had a dollar for every existential crisis you've ever had... Does money even matter?

Q. What is the definition of materialism?
A. Buying things you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress other people that don't matter.

Q. Why did the blonde only consume coins and paper money?
A. 'Cause she was on a cash diet.

Q. What's the difference between Congress and the US Mint?
A. Only one of them makes cents.

Big Money Tip of the Day: Never be funny when speaking to your loan officer because bankers have no cents of humor.

Q. Where will you always find money?
A. In the dictionary!

Banking Point to Ponder: If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks need branches?

Q. Why doesn't an active volcano have any money?
A. 'Cause it went bank erupt.

High Finance Fact of the Day: If you can actually count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Q. Why do wallets make so much noise?
A. Because money talks!

Mad Money Fact: If you like money, and I like money, we are agreed!

Funny Money Groan of the Day: Twitter is my serious account. My bank account is the joke one.

Q. How does the starving artist feel about bad money puns?
A. Drawn and quartered.

Q. What should a masseur do when he’s paid up front?
A. Take the money and rub!

Money Saving Tip of the Day: The best things in life are free – plus shipping and handling. Local taxes may apply…

Fish Asks: Did you hear about the banking tycoom who fell off his yacht? He was saved because he could float a loan!Q. Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? A. because the quarter had more cents!Gorilla Asks: Why are hermits always penniless? A. Because they're loaners!

Q. Why did the blonde throw money into the river?
A. She wanted to better understand cash flow.

Q. What does an octopus use for spending money?
A. Sand dollars!

Q. Why can't you borrow money from your chihuahua?
A. Because, arf arf arf, they're always a little short.

Money Point to Ponder: Are pigeons wealthy? 'Cause they have no problem making deposits on expensive cars.

Money Groan of the Moment: A banker told a joke, but it just didn't make any cents.

Money Point to Ponder: Why do they call it cash cow? 'Cause that sounds like utter non-cents.

Q. Why do some hipsters have so much money?
A. Because they bought Bitcoin before it was cool.

Q. Why do stoners spend so much money?
A. Because they're high rollers!

Q. Which employees go on strike when they want to make less money?
A. Mint workers.

Q. How can you easily double your money?
A. By folding it.

A fortune teller told a guy that he'd come into big money one day. Now, he's married to his over-weight wife named, Penny.

Q. Where do people who don't trust banks keep their money?
A. In their secret cash cache.

Q. What kind of money do you use in an insane asylum?
A. Weirdo.

Q. Which type of nuts did the blonde try to use as money?
A. Cashews.

Q. How much money does it cost to make Captain America cry?
A. One Bucky.

Smart Money Tip: Money can't buy happiness. But, it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible!

Q. What is the major cause of business failure?
A. Corporate money flaw.

Q. When you're poor, why should you always spend your money wisely?
A. Because that is common cents.

Silly bar joke: Q. Why did the bartender put money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!Change is inevitable... Except from a vending machine!Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? A. They're always a little short!

Q. What is a doughnut?
A. Somebody who is absolutely crazy about money.

Q. Why is money also called dough?
A. Because we all knead it!

Q. How is time is like money?
A. The less we have of it to spare, the further we have to make it go.

Q. Why does Mr. Data cost Starfleet so much money?
A. Because Data is enterprise hardware.

Blonde Banking Tip of the Day: When you're switching to a new bank, bring money with you and make sure you take that into account.

Sickening Money Joke of the Day: If you have unprotected sex with a banker, watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.

Q. Why did the blonde get cash out of the bank and then throw the money into the river?
A. 'Cause she wanted to study cash flow. DUH!

Q. Why did Albert Einstein's memos sell for $1.8 million?
A. Because they were noteworthy.

Q. If you have $10 in your pocket and you lose half or your money, what do you have in your pocket?
A. A hole.

Worthless Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, can I buy you a drink? Or, do you just want the money?

Money Groan of the Day: Ben Franklin knew only death and taxes were inevitable. But now, there's shipping and handling, too.

Q. Why did a first-grader eat two dollar bills?
A. His mother told him it was lunch money.

An investment banker used all of a guy's money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle. When the guy asked for it back, the banker told him to sit on it. Sounds like he's running a Fonzi scheme!

A bank robber pulls out a gun and points it at the teller saying, "Give me all your money or you are Geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're History'?" The bank robber replied, "Don't change the subject."

Q. Where does Santa Claus keep his money?
A. At the Snow Bank.

A guy's wife thought he needed money, so she transferred some to him. Yeah, she just put her two cents in, again, and again…

Q. Why did the Denver Mint hire a bloodhound to track down the lost money?
A. That just made scents.

Q. What did the landscape guy say when he got paid in cash money?
A. Thank you very mulch!

Money Woe of the Day: The seminar, How to Avoid Fraud, has been canceled. Tickets are non-refundable.

Q. Who wrote the book, Never No Money Left?
A. M. T. Wallette.

Money Loss Groan of the Day: A naked woman robbed a bank during a power outage. So, nobody at the bank could remember her face.

Smart Money Tip of the Day: Never play poker with a banker because they always have the best suits.

Pick-Up a Banker Line: Hey big guy, I heard bankers do it for the money.

Q. Why did the frugal banker count his money with his toes?
A. So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!

Q. Why does it cost big bucks to get a new rocket off the ground?
A. Because there is no free launch.

| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns | Penny Jokes, Cents-Less Puns | 2 | Accountant Jokes |
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |

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