Whiskey bottle remarks: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the problem!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender replies: "I can't serve you. You're Bard."
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a beer is. Bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!
Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender: "Did you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate: "Arrr and it's driving ne crazy!"
A tattooed barmaid limerick
Hauntinly funny bar joke: Q. What does a ghost drink? A. Boos!

 


Mixologist Jokes, Bartender Humor, Pourer Puns
Mix up your personal poison with barkeep jokes, barman humor, and funny bar order jokes.

Bartender Jokes, Bar Puns, Drinking Humor
('Cause Bartender Jokes and Publican Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If You've Fallen Off Your Barstool!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Mixed drink humor, blended laughs, shaken jokes and stirring puns ahead.
| Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 | Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |

Polar Bear, Giraffe, and Penguin Walk Into a Bar. Bartender says: "What? Is This Some Kind of a Joke?"Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks him if he wants a drink. He replies, "I think not," and disappeared!Sports bar joke: A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out!

A novice bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how bar jokes work!

Q. What did the bartender say to the chamelon that walked into the bar?
A. Okay, if your wife calls, I didn't see you.

A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" Sandpaper replies, "Oh, just something to take the edge off."

A lighter walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." Lighter asks, "Why not?" Bartender replies, "You haven't even had one drink, and you're already lit!

A gnome walks into the bar and orders a martini. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."

An empty bottle walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already drunk."

Q. How does a new bartender get to know his regular customers?
A. He establishes a good re-pour.

Godot walks into a bar. Bartender says, "There are two guys waiting here for you."

The last man on Earth walks into a bar and says, "Drink, I'd like another bartender."

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
– Tom Waits.

Bartender Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, is your name Toddy? 'Cause you sure are hot.

An umpire walks into a bar. Bartender asks what he'd like. The umpire says, "Highball."

Q. What did the bartender way when a ghost walked into the bar?
A. Sorry, we don't serve spirits here.

Bartender Wisdom: The hardest part of the job is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

Q. What did the bartender say to the patron who was drinking his vodka way too fast?
A. Stop, Russian!

Pick Up a Bartender Line: Hey babe, can you shake that booty just like you shake that drink?

He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.

Bartender was arrested for taking liquor home. He was charged with emboozlement!Two chemists walk into a bar. First one says: "I'll have H2O." Second one says: "I'll have H2O, too." He died.A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. Bartender says, "OK, but don't start anything."

A monk, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey! Is this some kind of joke?"

Q. What does a ghost order when he walks into a bar?
A. BOOs!

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre. So, he gives it to her.

C, E-Flat, and G walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors here."

Q. What did the guy say when the bartender asked if he wanted his Wild Turkey without ice?
A. Sure, that'd be neat!

Helium walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses." ... Helium doesn't react.

Q. What happened when Thomas Edison walked into a bar?
A. The bartender said, "Okay, I'll serve you, but don't get any ideas!"

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

A brain walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already out of your head."

Q. What is it called when a guy ties his belt around a barroom seat and pulls it behind him?
A. A towed stool.

A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says: "We don't serve poultry!" The chicken says: "That's okay, I just want a drink."

Q. What happened when a five-dollar bill walked into the bar?
A. Bartender said, "Sorry, this is a singles bar."

Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, I'm not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by your beauty.

The Number 13 walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we can't serve you. You're under 21."

A guy walks into a graveyard bar and asks the bartender for a beer. Bartender replies, "Sorry, we only serve spirits here."

Bar joke: A hamburger walks into a bar. Bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here!"A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "So, why the long face?"When a bartender spilled a drink on his shirt, he said: "This one's on me1"

A hamburger walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve burgers here." Hamburger replies, "That's okay, I only want a beer."

A potato walks into a bar. Yes, all eyes were on him!

Two eggs, a sausage, and a piece of toast walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

Bartender Pick Up Line: Hey baby, how do you keep that ice from melting when you are that hot?

A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!"

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

A horse ambles into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, "Hey!" The horse replies, "Yes, you read my mind."

A steer walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Have you herd any good jokes lately?"

Skunk walks into a bar and asks, "Hey, where did everybody go?"

A cat walks into a bar. Then out of the bar. Then back in. Then out again...

A DON'T WALK sign walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't do that!"

Q. Why did the outlaw walk into the bar with a paper towel over his hair?
A. Because he had a Bounty on his head.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Martinus. Bartender asks, "Do you mean Martini?" Caesar replied, "No, If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

A German walks into a bar and orders a Martini. Bartender asks, "Dry?" German guy replies, "Nein, just one."

Q. What happened to the lawyer who got tossed out of a saloon? A. He was disbarred.A Dyslexic Man Walks Into a BraA man with a lump of asphalt under one arm walks into a bar, orders a whiskey, and one for the road.

Q. What do you call the old owner who won't sell her tavern?
A. Barkeeper.

A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes!" Man at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I object to that!" Guy asks, "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man replies, "No, I'm an A-hole."

Q. What did the bartender say to the dung beetle that walked into the bar?
A. Just pull up a stool.

Some bacteria walk into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve germs here." The bacteria replied, "But, we work here. We're Staph!"

An infectious disease walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here." The disgusted germ walks out muttering, "You are not a good host."

A guy walks into a bar. He says, "OUCH!" ... It was a crowbar.

A TV sitcom walks into a bar. Bartender say, "Cheers!"

Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.

Did you hear about the amnesiac who walked into a bar? He asked a blonde if he comes there often...

Q. What is the most common pick-up line at a bears' singles bar?
A. What's ursine?

A nun walks into a bar with her clothes on inside out. When the bartender asked her about it, she replied, "It's a bad habit."

Corn on the cob walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Wanna hear a good joke?" Corn replies, "Sure, I'm all ears."

Bartender Fact of the Day: Bartenders do it however you like it!

A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7 and 2."

Q. What did the bartender say after the beaver walked into his bar?
A. Please shut the dam door!

Q. What were the spaced aliens doing at the bar until closing time?
A. Preparing for Lift Off.

A tissue walks into a bar and the bartenders asks if he wants a drink. Tissues says, "No you idiot, it'll go right through me." Bartender replies, "Well, you don't have to get all snotty about it.

An SEO expert walks into a bar for a quick drink, sip, ale, pint, cocktail, brew, refreshment, beverage, shot, gulp...

| Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 | Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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You're still thirsty for grins, so cheers to another round of laughter,
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| Light Bulb Jokes | Marriage Jokes | Music Jokes | Pickled Puns | Pirate Jokes | Police Jokes | Religion Jokes |
| Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Weed Jokes | Zombie Jokes |

Painful Jokes & Groaner PunsSharp Pick-Up Lines, Cheesy Come-OnsPot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!
Edible Puns, Fun with Food Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes

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