Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance of the space-time continuum that explains those gaps of time that seem to disappear, especially around the holidays.

Q. What is the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of a cloudy New Year's Day.

Q. What happened to the blonde who thought about the evils of drinking on New Year's Eve?
A. She gave up thinking.

Q. Why didn't the blonde stop drinking on New Year's Day?
A. Because nobody likes a quitter.

Q. When does corn set off fireworks and get drunk?
A. New Ear's Eve.

Did you hear about the craft beer brewers that got married on Valentine's Day? They lived hopily ever after.

Q. How is a pitcher of beer better than a date with a woman on Valentine's Day?
A. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

Q. Why is draft beer better than a woman on Valentine's Day?
A. If your pour a beer right, you get good head every time.

Q. Why is draft beer better than a woman?
A. Because beer thinks your karaoke singing at the brew pub on Valentine's Day was awesome!

Q. What did the craft brew say to the beer mug on Valentine's Day?
A. I got all hopped up when I met you!

Q. Which green drink do horny leprechauns drink on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Mount 'N Do.

St. Patrick's Day Point to Ponder: If you drink green beer on St. Patrick's Day, is that considered a vegetable?

Q. Why do little space men always turn green when they land on Earth?
A. Turbulence, and beer on St. Patrick's Day!

Q. Who was the Irish guy bouncing off the pub walls on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Rick O'Shay.

Q. How can you tell an Irishman had a fun St. Patrick's Day at the pub?
A. He's Dublin over with laughter.

Q. What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Boos!

Q. Why does the Easter Bunny drink craft beer?
A. 'Cause it makes him so hoppy.

Q. Why is IPA a rabbit's favorite kind of beer to drink during the spring?
A. Because it's so hoppy.

Q. What did March say about the madness at the sports bar?
A. What's all the bracket?

Q. Where do point guards take their dates to have a few drinks and party after the big game?
A. To a basket ball.

Q. Why are basketball players such messy beer drinkers?
A. Because they're always dribbling.

Q. Why is an ice cold beer better than a woman?
A. Because beer doesn't tell you that you smell bad after mowing the lawn

A baseball flies into a brew pub, and the bartender throws him out...

Q. How do the Colorado Rockies toast a winning baseball season?
A. With a pitcher of craft beer!

Q. What do you call the monkey who made the winning play in the Bar League Finals?
A. Chimpion!

Q. What did it take to keep the great pitcher on the Bar League baseball team?
A. The team's sponser had to strike up a good deal on a keg of craft beer.

Q. What do you call a great drawing depicting a drunken 4th of July celebration? A. A Yankee Doodle Dandy!

Q. How is a can of cold beer better than a hot woman on the 4th of July?
A. A beer doesn't get jealous if you grab another beer.

Hot Dog End of the Summer Sentiment: I'm going to spend Labor Day putting my liver to work!

Q. Why is a beer keg better than a woman on Labor Day weekend?
A. You can share a beer with alot of friends!

On the Tuesday after Labor Day, take comfort in knowing that the pressure to have fun and drink way too much over the summer has finally passed.

Our house has an open door policy all year long. Bring beer, and we'll open the door.

Q. Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff Vodka at sizzling summer parties?
A. They're accustomed to Pabst Smir.

Q. What is the difference between the G-spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?
A. This is exactly why blondes hate summer camping trips!

A guy came home late after the double-header at the sports bar and saw a note on the refrigerator saying, "This isn't working. I'm going to my mother's house." He opened the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold, so he wasn't sure what she was talking about?

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beers are always into football season!

Q. What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
A. The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!

Q. Why did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.

Q. How can you tell it was a brutal Broncos game at the Denver sports bar?
A. Even your dog said it was "ruff!"

Q. What happened to the Colorado brew pub patron who fell into a barrel of beer while watching a Broncos game?
A. He came to a very bitter end.

Sports Bar Point to Ponder: If you're an alcoholic if you drink too much vodka, then are you Fantastic if you drink too much Orange Crush soda during a Broncos Game?

Q. What happens after a fisherman drinks like a fish?
A. He eels he needs to go like a fire hose.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer likes to go fishing, plus beer never fishes for compliments!

Q. What do you call a fisherman who drinks too much while out to sea?
A. A beer-a-cuda.

Two guys were fishing in a boat when one guy pulled a genie in a bottle out of the lake. The grateful genie grants them one wish. First guys says, "I wish this lake was full of beer." Poof! It's beer. Second guy says, "You idiot, now we have to pee in the boat!"

Q. What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate on September 19th?
A. One has a rumbling tummy and the other's a tumbling rummy.

Q. What kind of beer do skeletons like?
A. Pale Ale with lots of body.

Q. Why do skeletons prefer cabernet wine?
A. Because of its full body.

Q. Why did the ghost decide to go to AA?
A. Because he had a problem with BOOze.

Q. Why are skeletons so calm while they're out drinking booze?
A. Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q. What happens when a ghost drinks too much Tennessee whiskey?
A. It ends up sheet faced!

A skeleton walks into a bar, holds up two phalanges and says, "I'd like two beers and a mop."

Q. What did the bartender say when a ghost walked into the bar?
A. Sorry, we don't serve spirits here.

Q. Why was the party animal called "The Exorcist?"
A. As soon as he arrives at the party, he rids it of all its spirits.

Q. What happens when a ghost drinks too much liquor?
A. He gets sheet faced!

Q. Why did ghosts go to a bar on All Hallows Eve?
A. For the boos!

Q. What is a zombie's favorite holiday beverage?
A. Egg noggin.

Q. What killer round did the zombie order at the bar?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!

Q. How did the London bobbies know the werewolf did it?
A. He was seen drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's.

Q. What did the three vampires order at the bar?
A. Two Bloods and a Blood Light.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite beer?
A. Bloodweiser.

Q. What did the vampire order to drink during happy hour on Halloween?
A. A Bloody Mary.

Q. What is the Colorado code phrase for stepping out to fire up a blunt before the rest of the family arrives for Turkey Day dinner?
A. Let's get basted!

Q. What do you call an Abominable Snowman with a six-pack?
A. Yeti to party.

Q. How do you know when a Vail ski instructor walks into the bar?
A. Don't worry, he'll tell you.

Q. At the craft beer pub in Breckenridge, Colorado what is the drunk guy's favorite kind of skis?
A. Brewskies!

Q. Why is everbody always so thirsty at the North Pole?
A. No Well, No We

Q. What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa before he leaves for the day?
A. Ho, ho, ho. Merlot Christmas!

Q. Why does Mrs. Santa enjoy the Christmas season so much?
A. Because it's the most wine-derful time of the year!

Q. Why is Mrs. Claus so jolly?
A. She jingles all the cabernet while Santa's on his sleigh!

Wine Lovers Holiday Wish: May all your Christmases be white, or red!

Q. Why did the Scrooge go to the liquor store?
A. He was looking for the Holiday Spirit of Christmas Past.

Q. How does Mrs. Claus endure living at the North Pole?
A. She's enjoys living in a Wine-ter Wonderland!

Q. What kind of wine does Rudolph the Reindeer prefer?
A. Red! Unless he's on a rooftop, then White!

Q. What do they serve after the little drummer boy performs?
A. Rum Rum Rum Rum Rum.

Q. What's in the potent Christmas cocktail called Little Drummer Boy?
A. One part rum, three parts Painful rum Puns.

Q. What were the highlights of the latest Super Bowl?
A. The ads, especially the beer ads!

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