Q. What is a policeman's favorite summer vegetable?
A. Corn on the cop.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the celery?
A. For stalking...

Q. Which holiday is a policeman's favorite?
A. National Donut Day.

Q. Who did the toy store call when all of their real estate board games were stolen?
A. Monopolice.

Q. Why was the cannibal cop arrested?
A. He was caught grilling his suspects!

Q. What did the juiced-out battery say to the cop waiting outside the bar?
A. Feel free to charge me.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the sausage?
A. Because it was the wurst!

Q. What do police call a perp who robs the local drug store?
A. A pillager.

Q. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
A. Because he can hold up a 10-Ton truck with his hand.

Cop: Why did you park HERE?
Blonde: Duh, the sign says, "Fine for Parking."

Running Joke of the Day: News Flash! A man was shot with a starting pistol, then beaten to death with a relay baton. Police believe it may be race related.

Q. Why did God create policemen?
A. So firemen could have heroes.

Q. What do cops and firemen have in common?
A. Both want to be firemen.

Q. Why did the traffic cop give the bard a ticket?
A. For driving without a poetic license.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the photographer?
A. For flashing people.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Q. What was the arsonist's alibi to the cops?
A. Just another flame excuse.

Cop: Why did you dump these vegetables on my desk?
Criminal: Because you said it was time to spill the beans.

Q. Why did the blonde cop tie a rope around the criminal?
A. The chief told him to get a line on the suspect.

Q. Why did the librarian join the police force?
A. 'Cause he wanted to work under cover.

Q. Which money saying do cops really eat up?
A. Dollars to donuts.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the CEO of the prosthetics company?
A. 'Cause he was involved in arms dealing.

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the accident site."

Q. What happened after a chef was murdered by being boiled to death in an industrial pasta cooker?
A. Police are still trying to al dente-fy a suspect.

Q. Why did the police officer cry after making the arrest?
A. It was a moving violation.

Q. Which cop always solves crimes purely by accident?
A. Sheer Luck Holmes.

Q. What is the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's baton?
A. One is used for cunning stunts...

Police Pick-Up Line: I'm ready to enforce the law of attraction!

Q. What's the difference between a thief and a church bell?
A. One steals from the people, and the other peals from the steeple.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Police say there were definite skid marks leading up to the scene of the accident.

Q. What do you call a flying policeman?
A. A helicopter.

Q. Why did the cops detain the mattress store delivery truck driver that sped by?
A. Because he could blow their cover.

Q. Who do locksmiths call when they need back up?
A. The Keystone Cops.

Q. Why do pencils get sent to the pen?
A. To do long sentences.

Police Pick-Up Line: Cops do it by the book.

Q. Why did the burglar wear blue latex gloves?
A. He didn't want to be caught redhanded!

Q. Why did the crappy policeman become a paleontologist?
A. Because he was a real coprolite.

Q. Why are the police desperately searching for a thief who threatens people with a lit match?
A. They want to catch him before he strikes again.

Police Pick-Up Line: Cops do it with handcuffs.

Q. Why did the light-footed cop pull over the U-Haul?
A. He wanted to bust a move.

Old policemen never die. They just cop out.

Q. What did the cop say to the suspect?
A. If you run, you'll just go to jail tired.

Q. What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the guy who had a gun made out of Jell-o?
A. For carrying a congealed weapon.

Q. Why was the belt arrested?
A. For holding up a pair of pants!

Police report that there have been a lot of thefts at the local bowling alley and warn that the criminals are likely to strike again.

Police Department Groan of the Day: If I knew I was getting a full-body search, I would have waxed.

Q. When is an undercover cop in uniform?
A. Only on his day off!

Q. What is the proper police attire for taking fingerprints?
A. A dust jacket.

Q. Who issues shirts, vests, and jackets to police officers?
A. The top cop.

Q. Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? It's okay, he's still asleep.

Traffic Cop: Sir, we are going to have to give you a drug test.
Cooperative Citizen: Okay, but which drugs are we testing?

Q. Why don't bicycle cops stop gasoline theft?
A. 'Cause they're not on petrol!

Q. Which nut is always on the side of the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!

Q. Why was the lid arrested?
A. It wasn't in Colorado.

Q. Why did the traffic cop give the poet a ticket?
A. For driving without a poetic license.

Q. What happened after a guy reported his coffee cup stolen?
A. He had to go down to the police station to look at some mug shots.

Q. What is the proper police detective attire for picking up a series of clues?
A. A trail blazer.

Q. Why did the drummer join the police acadamy?
A. He wanted to be a beat cop.

Q. What do you call a thief that steals everything except your soap and towels?
A. A dirty crook!

Q. Why weren't the toilet paper thieves arrested?
A. The cops kept patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.

Q. What is the proper police attire for detaining a perp?
A. A holding tank.

Q. How was the toupee shop burglary investigation going?
A. Cops have not found the stolen wigs, but they are still combing the area.

Q. Why did the FBI say to the money laundering suspects?
A. Come Clean!

Q. Why was the cap arrested?
A. It was covering for the toothpaste.

Police Pick-Up Line: Spread 'em!

Q. What iis a gun-totoing thug's least favorite 80s band?
A. The Police.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the creeper hosiery?
A. Fot stocking.

Q. Which TV show features cops solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
A. Lawn Order.

Q. Why was the parrot in prison?
A. Because he was a jail bird.

Q. What do you call it when a mean detective mutt follows you around?
A. Being cur-tailed.

Q. Which animal has an asshole halfway up his back?
A. A police horse.

Q. What was the ultimate goal of the police detective duck?
A. He wanted to quack the case!

Police were investigating a feline corpse that was found in a Xerox machine. They're calling it a copy cat killing.

Q. What do you call the teal-colored tape some police wrap around crime scenes?
A. Cordon Blue.

Q. What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the police solve crimes?
A. A Private Eye Doctor.

Q. What happened after all the board games were stolen from the toy store?
A. The police are still looking for Clues.

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: A guy was arrested by the police and charged for killing a number of vampires. They've got him on three counts.

Q. Which kind of dinosaurs kept law and order in Jurassic Park?
A. The Tricero-cops.

Q. What do you call well-dressed cops?
A. The Fashion Police.

Q. Which police unit responds when terrorist mosquitoes attack?
A. The SWAT Team!

Q. Do old police detectives ever die?
A. Nobody knows, because they're always under cover.

Q. Why did the police arrest the guy who was playing pool?
A. He was picking pockets.

Q. Who was the greatest thief ever?
A. Atlas, because he held up the whole world!

Q. What do the cops say when they arrive during your tailgating party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. What did the chemist say when he escaped the police?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Q. Which diploma do blonde criminals earn?
A. The Third Degree.

Q. Why did the cops try to arrest the vampire?
A. For robbing the blood bank.

Police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face. They arrived to a sticky hostage situation.

A guy tossed a penny down the well and made a wish … that the police would never find Penny's body.

Q. What kind of tea do cops prefer?
A. Police brew tally tea.

Q. Why did the pot of coffee have to call the police department?
A. 'Cause it got mugged!

Q. Why didn't the grammarian blonde respond to the cops?
A. Because they said, "Police, Open the door!"

Q. What happened after the dummy robbed a bank?
A. Police are questioning a ventriloquist who may have had a hand in it.

World's Shortest Police Pick-Up Line: Drop 'em!

What not to say when you get pulled over:
Are you the guy from the Village People?

Police Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, wanna play good cop, bad cop?

Q. What do the cops call a person who has been debriefed?
A. Nudist.

Q. When do bounty hunters try hunt down illegal laughs?
A. When there are dental records.

Q. What is the proper police attire for shadowing a suspect?
A. A follow suit.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the popcorn?
A. It was charged with a salt and buttery.

Q. What alibi did the Neanderthal give to the B.C. cops?
A. I was with my mate at my cave, man.

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