Q. What do politicians and babies have in common?
A. Both need to be changed regularly – for the same stinking reason!

Q. What is the difference between a flying pig and a politician?
A. The letter F.

Q. How many politcally correct people does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Doesn't matter; nothing will get done.

Hot Air of the Day: A politician's words cannot be trusted and therein lies the problem.

A politician, a clown, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"

US Politics Point to Ponder: Isn't it ironic that a group of baboons is called a congress?

Q. Why did the dumb-ass politician attend the press conference wearing only his underwear?
A. He wanted to do a news briefing.

Q. Why is there so much toilet paper in the US Capitol building?
A. Because there are so many assholes there!

Q. Where is the safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse?
A. Washington, DC. There are no brains there!

Q. What did the zombie rapper have in common with the politician?
A. Both spit out incomprehensible bullshit!

Q. What did the constituents call the super-serious congressman?
A. Senator of Gravity.

Q. What do honest politicians and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see one.

Q. What happens when you give a politician Viagra?
A. He gets taller.

Q. What's the difference between a politician and a magician?
A. The magician returns your wallet when his act is over.

It was so cold in Colorado yesterday that even the politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Q. What did the lawmakers do after they worked together successfully?
A. They threw a political party.

Q. How can you tell when a poliitician is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What do you call it when the senate strikes down an act to protect trees?
A. An axe of congress.

Q. What is a bureaucat?
A. A pet feline that sleeps in your underwear drawer.

Q. How do you know your congressman is a great politician?
A. He has an excuse to get out of everything except office.

Q. If everybody around you is wild about big band music, where do you live?
A. In a swing state.

Q. How many poliitician jokes are there?
A. Just this one. The rest are all true stories!

Q. How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to assure you everything possible is being done, and another to screw it into the water faucet.

Q. What does the president of the Rabbit Republic travel?
A. He flies on Hare Force One.

Q. What did the Secret Service call it when somebody stole the President's wig?
A. A bald move.

Q. How does a poliitician sleep?
A. First he lies on one side, then he rolls over and lies on the other side.

Q. What do politicians call a truce that's barely holding?
A. A tense agreement.

Q. What do you call people who vote NO on an issue at a legislative assembly?
A. Anti bodies.

Q. How do you describe a petition with the strongest protestors' signatures at the top?
A. It's in dissenting order.

Q. What do riding a big motorcycle and the government have in common?
A. Once you have a lot of power, you cannot go back.

Q. What is it called when the president turns down a bill with no doubt whatsoever?
A. A veto of confidence.

A guy said he just detests those cheesy scripted so-called reality televion programs, but he does plan to watch the presidential debate later tonight.

Q. Who authored the insightful new book, How To Become The President?
A. Paul O. Tix.

Renewable Energy Point to Ponder: Wouldn't you think there would be more wind turbines in Washington, D.C. since there's so much hot air blowing there?

Q. What's the difference between a vampire and a poliitician?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q. Why should you elect a janitor to political office?
A. They're great at sweeping changes.

Q. What is the job title of the guy in charge of workers bundling wheat?
A. The commander in sheaf.

Q. What is the biggest decision you'll have to make this November?
A. Pecan pie or pumpking pie for Thanksgiving?

Q. Why did the conservative owner of the corner grocery store decide to stop selling shredded cheese?
A. He wanted to Make Amerifa Grate Again.

Q. Which grand part of the White House is decked out with milky white gems?
A. The Opal Office.

Q. What's the difference between a poliitician and a bucket of manure?
A. The bucket.

Q. Why did the bureaucrat decide it was time to retire?
A. He ran out of red tape.

Q. What do poliitician do after they die?
A. They lie still.

Q. What is the difference between a politician and a snail?
A. One is a slimy pest that leaves a trail behind, and the other is a snail.

Q. What do you call a high-ranking military officer taking part in a multi-game sports contest?
A. A tourney general.

Q. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 90?
A. Senator.

Q. What do you call an old dinosaur newly elected to congress?
A. Rep Tile.

Q. How are Thanksgiving and Election Day different?
A. On Thanksgving, you get a big baked turkey for a day, not for an entire term.

Q. What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
A. He decided to go into politics and run for office.

Q. Which hit song does a president who wants military aid from a small African republic sing?
A. Help Me Rwanda.

Q. Why do some old folks move south to Florida?
A. Because they don't like liberal snowflakes.

If you're from Texas, you're a Texan. If you're from Colorado, you're a Coloradan. If you're from Virginia, you're a Virgiinian. But, if you're from Massachusetts, you're a democrat.

Q. Why did the political reporter go to his gym so often?
A. For his daily spin class.

Q. What happened when the President was injured by a tornado?
A. Not much since his spin doctor was there to aid him.

Q. What is it called when an incomprehensible campaigning politician does his whole act leaning toward the left?
A. Slant-o-mime.

Q. What's the difference between a prostitute and a poliitician?
A. The prostitute will stop screwing you once you're dead.

Q. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Six. One to screw it in and five to screw up rebutting the neocons' lies about them.

Drunken Point to Ponder: Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka. Expensive, transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia!

Q. What is Donald Trump's least favorite classic rock band?
A. Foreigner.

Q. What is the new civil rights legislation called?
A. Equality Control.

Old pacifists never die. They just go to peaces.

Q. What's the main problem with political jokes?
A. Politicians don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes!

US State Political Trend Tidbit: In the near future, Florida will be a blue state. With rising oceans, it'll be under water.

Q. Which well-known show tune was about Tiffany, Melania, and Ivanka?
A. The Lady is a Trump.

Q. Why do rappers hate President Trump?
A. 'Cause nothing rhymes with orange.

Q. Why does Donald Trump only get his Viagra from American pharmaceutical sources?
A. Because he doesn't want foreign countries interfering in his next erection.

Q. Where do politicians go to fool around?
A. Estate of affairs.

Q. Why should you elect a janitor to local gorvenment?
A. They're great at great at cleaning up messes.

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