Q. Why couldn't the cops apprehend the suspect at the cathedral? A. They didn't have a church warrant!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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If you've left a fingerprint behind, you most certainly have given it a whorl!
Q. What did a probation officer say after his client failed a piss test? A. You dipstick!
Q. Why did the book join the police department? A. He wanted to go undercover!
Barely legal police pick-up line: Let's go to my place for some under cover work!

 


Police Station Jokes, Copper Humor, Jail Puns
Cop some laughs, detective humor, prison warden puns, and jokes that'll make your day.

Police Jokes, Unlawful Puns, Arresting Humor
(Because Barely Legal Cop Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream if You're the One Wearing the Handcuffs!)
Warning: Proceed without Leaving Fingerprints! Arresting humor, jail jokes, legal LOLs and unlawful puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

What is copper nitrate? Overtime for policemen.Q. Why was the Energizer bunny arrested? A. He was charged with battery!All the toilets in NYC police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on!

Q. What kind of metal is common inside a police station?
A. Copper.

Q. What did the CSI team find in the clean nose?
A. Fingerprints.

Police Pick-Up Line: Officer, that uniform is very becoming on you. But if I were on you, I'd be coming, too.

Q. What is a prison warden's favorite type of battery?
A. Duracell!

Q. What did the blonde policewoman wear to the stake out?
A. An underwire bra!

Q. Why was the cannibal cop arrested?
A. He was caught grilling his suspects!

Blonde Beat: Did you hear that the cops are looking for a guy with one eye? Geez, why don't they use both?

Q. What is a policeman's favorite summer vegetable?
A. Corn on the cop.

Q. Which animal has an asshole halfway up his back?
A. A police horse.

Q. How are women like the police? A. They have all the evidence, but they still want a confession!I'm always so relieved when I see police who aren't looking for me!Q. What do you call parts of a London police officer's uniform? A. Bobby socks!

Cop: When I pulled you over, I guessed 55.
Matronly Suspect: No sir, it's just my hat that makes me look like that.

Q. Why did the grammarian appeal his conviction verdict?
A. Because the sentence was way too long.

Q. Wanna hear a really cold cop joke?
A. Freeze!

Undercover Cop Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, you look cold. Wanna share my blanket?

Q. What do you call a blonde police officer?
A. A fair cop!

Q. Which three letters of the alphabet frighten criminals most?
A. F.B.I.

Police Pick-Up Line: Are you on the FBI Most Wanted List? 'Cause you are on the top of my list.

Q. What is a criminal lawyer?
A. Redundant.

Q. What did the burglar say to the clock shop owner as he was tying him up?
A. Sorry to take so much of your precious time.

Q. Which famous shoe salesman joined the police force?
A. Buster Brown.

Constable Pick-Up Line: What are you doing with your Bobby night stick later tonight?

Bobby Pick-Up Line: Don't you just love a man in uniform?

Q. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. It turned itself in!The conversation between prison inmates was made possible due to sentences!Police pick-up lines for blondes: What else can you do with your nightstick?

Q. What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?
A. A cellfie.

Q. How did the criminal get into counterfeitting?
A. He answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."

Q. Why did the blonde brassiere salesman stop by the police station?
A. Duh! Seriously?

Q. Why do pens get sent to prison?
A. To do long sentences.

Q. Why was ink sent back to prison?
A. For escaping from the pen.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Q. Why did the burglar take a shower?
A. Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

Blonde: There are hundreds of dead people and a cannibal here!
Police Dispatcher: Where are you?
Blonde: Littleton Cemetery.
(Alferd Packer, confessed cannibal, is buried in Littleton, Colorado)

What not to say when you get pulled over:
Are you the guy from the Village People?

Police Pick-Up Line: Love, if you cock my revolver, it's likely to go off.

Q. Why was the musician arrested? A. He was in treble!Q. Why did the cop sit on the toilet? A. To do his duty!How do law enforcement officers handcuff a one-armed man?

Q. Why did the policeman arrest the off-key musician with no rhythm?
A. Because he was a beat cop.

Q. Why was the Oscar-winning actor arrested?
A. For stealing the show.

Q. Why did the janitor call DPD to Coors Field during the Rockies game?
A. Somebody was selling Rocky Mountain Oysters in the stands, and he didn't want to clean up all the vomit after the balls dropped.

Q. What happened to the robber who stole all the light bulbs at the police station?
A. He got a light sentence.

Q. How does the Denver Police Department grill a chicken?
A. Knock her down on the pavement and repeatedly ask her why she crossed the road last night.

Q. Which police interrogator wrote the book, Getting At the Truth?
A. Paul E. Graff.

Q. Why was the building put in handcuffs?
A. It was a house arrest.

Q. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
A. Because he can hold up a 10-Ton truck with his hand.

Grandpa got his first cell phone and it was an iPhone. The first time he used it, he called his son saying in a panic, "I'm going to jail! It says I'm going to Face Time!"

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
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