Q. How did Salvador Dali begin his days?
A. With a morning bowl of surreal.

Q. What is erotic abstract art?
A. The shape of things to come.

Q. What do you get if you cross a surrealist painter and a pugilist?
A. Muhammad Dali.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Are you a piece of art? 'Cause I'd like to nail up against that wall.

Q. Which famous French artist painted fluffy sky formations?
A. Cloud Monet.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Girl, are you a magnet? 'Cause I find myself drawn to you.

Fine Art Point to Ponder: How can a still-life painting be moving?

Q. Which puns do art critics enjoy?
A. Perfectly illustrated punch lines.

Q. How do you influence a fine artist?
A. Easel-y.

Fine Art Point to Ponder: If an artist sketches his work space, will it include a desk drawer?

Deadly Artist Pick-Up Line: I was not aware that living artists could exhibit here.

Q. What did the artist have to do to complete the painting of the golf course's thicket?
A. She had to take brush strokes.

Fine Art Fun Factoid: Earth without art is just eh.

Q. What did the graphic novel artist say to his rival?
A. Wham! I challenge you to a doodle!

Artist Pick-Up Line: If I told you I like your body of work, would you hold it against me?

Q. Why was the police sketch artist wrongly fired?
A. It was a case of mistaken identity.

Old artists never die. They just paint themselves into a coroner.

Slick Artist Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, artists do it by design.

Q. What is an artist's best swimming style?
A. The brush stroke.

Q. Why did the illustrator flunk out of art school?
A. His teachers said he was so bad that he could barely draw a breath.

Fine Art Point to Ponder: Does art theft have a haul of fame?

Q. What does a French art thief say when he holds up a collector?
A. Give me all your Monet!

Q. Why was the police department artist fired?
A. His work was really sketchy.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, was your daddy an art thief? 'Cause you are a masterpiece!

Q. Where do artistic cows hang their artwork?
A. In a moo-see-um.

Q. Why was the tempera-mental artist arguing with the museum curator?
A. He wasn't in his right frame of mind.

Fine Art Point to Ponder: Is Michelangelo's David considered superior to postmodern sculpture because it's an artifact?

Q. Why did the sculptor's wife cheat on her husband with a psychic?
A. She wanted to experiment with a new medium.

Q. What is it called when you examine new museum exhibits and find them awful?
A. Displays displeasure.

Museum Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, sorry for staring, but I thought you were a work of art.

Q. Why couldn't the artist draw a cube?
A. He had a mental block!

Q. What does a fine artist sing when he's in Dire Straights?
A. Monet for Nothing.

Q. Which show-down cowboy was the best artist?
A. The one who could draw the fastest.

Q. Why is it so hard to trust people who go around making rough drawings all the time?
A. 'Cause they're so sketchy.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Dude, is that a paintbrush in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Q. Which notable tennis player was more bohemian than nearly all others?
A. Artier Ashe.

Q. Why was the museum curator considered brilliant at judging paintings and sculptures?
A. He had art-official intelligence.

Q. What happened to the sculptor who specialized in miniature statues?
A. He made a small fortune.

Q. Why did the blonde become an art collector?
A. Because she wanted more Monet.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Girl, you're so fine that you'd make an impression on Monet.

Q. What do you call art work of marginal quality?
A. A doodle.

Q. What did the guy call the drawing of a drink flask on his arm?
A. A Thermos-tat.

Q. What did the artist say to his dentist?
A. Matisse hurt!

Q. What happened when the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci visited that guy's house on Halloween?
A. He had an art attack!

Q. Why did that artist always take things too far?
A. He didn't know where to draw the line.

Q. Why did the leech go to art school?
A. Because it was really good at drawing blood.

Q. Why do artists make clever detectives?
A. They are good at drawing conclusions.

Today's News Brief: A courtoom artist was arrested during the trials. Details are sketchy. Stay tuned for more at 10 P.M.

Q. How do artists greet each other?
A. Yellow!

Q. What did the tempera artist say when he was surprised?
A. Oh My Gouache!

Fine Art Point to Ponder: When an artist dreams in color, is that a pigment of their imagination?

Q. Why did the obsessed artist need a laxative?
A. Because he was consti-painted.

Q. What did Michelangelo say when asked to create a marble statue for his patron?
A. Sculpt-sure!

Q. Which brand of barley-based brew was named after a world-renowned animator?
A. Malt Disney.

Q. Why does the artist paint in jail?
A. Because he had a brush with the law.

Fine Art Point to Ponder: Is the sketcher who draws pictures of suspects a con artist?

Q. Why was the artist a suspect in the crime?
A. Because the evidence was sketchy.

Fine Art Point to Ponder: Is an FBI sketch artist a bureau drawer?

Sketchy Artist Pick-Up Line: Hello babe, artists do it with longer strokes.

Q. Which irksome materials were on on a king's palette?
A. Royal paints.

Portrait Artist Pick-Up Line: Hi girl, did you know artists do it expressivlely?

Q. Why did the enterprising blonde entrepreneur buy a new pottery wheel?
A. She was hoping to turn a profit.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Painters do it with creativity.

Q. What is it called when you see nothing of interest whole looking at artwork of an expanse of land?
A. A bland-scape.

Q. What did the BinHex colors say to the Pantone palette?
A. Don't take that tone with me!

Q. What do you call a guy who hangs on the wall?
A. Art.

Q. Why won't they let artists join the army?
A. Because they have a tendency to draw enemy fire.

Q. What is it called when a plastic surgeon agrees to swap breast implant surgery for the tattoo artist's services?
A. Tit for Tat.

Q. What did Michelangelo say to the Sistine Chapel ceiling?
A. I've got you covered.

Artist Pick-Up Line: Hey, how about you and I go down to the pool to brush up on our strokes?

Q. What does an artisan call the macrame school he attended?
A. His alma knotter.

Q. How is the circle feeling now that it isn't sick any more?
A. It was glad to be up and around.

Old printers never die. They're just not the type.

Q. How do some artists become inspired?
A. They get in the right frame of mind.

Q. What's it called when you're sketching somebody taking a breath?
A. Drawing inspiration.

Q. Why did Vincent Van Gogh become a talented painter?
A. Because he didn't have an ear for music.

Sobbing Artist Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, artists do it with emotion.

Q. Which two detective brothers lived in a distinctly Bohemian culture?
A. The Arty Boys.

Old painters never die, but they do get the brush off.

Q. How does the starving artist feel about bad money puns?
A. Drawn and quartered.

Q. What happened when Walt Disney passed away?
A. He went into a state of suspended animation.

Q. What happened to the sculptor who specialized in miniature statues?
A. He made a small fortune.

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