Q. How do you invite a guitar musician to a party?
A. Chordially.

Middle C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. Bartender says to E-flat, "Sorry, we don't serve minors here."

Q. What did Colby sing to Brie at the cheesy tasting party?
A. Lookin' Sharp!

Q. How are music producers and a pizzeria business alike?
A. Both make dough from mixers.

Chat Up a Musician Line: Hey baby, do you play percussion? 'Cause those are some big mallets you've got there.

Q. What do you call a head injury at a drummers convention in Moscow?
A. A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.

Q. What kind of seat does a drummer sit on?
A. A per-cushion.

Q. Why do rock drummers always swear so much?
A. Because they play per-cuss-ion instruments.

Q. What is the best gift a musician could ever receive?
A. A broken drum. You can't beat it!

Q. Why did the drummer really rock out after consuming Colorado cannabis edibles?
A. He had lots of Infusiasm.

Q. Which kind of fish plays the guitar?
A. Bassist.

Q. Why are rock band's members all such perverts?
A. Because the drummer sits in back beating it, the guitarist is fingering minors, the basist is slapping it around and they all like the pianist.

Q. Why do women toss underwear to guitarists on stage?
A. In case their G-string breaks.

Q. Why are violinists braver than guitarists?
A. Because they never fret.

Drummer Hookup Line: Babe, I'd love to crash into you harder than a cymbal.

Q. What do you do with a drummer who can't keep a beat?
A. Take away one stick and make him a conductor.

Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. A one, a two, a one two three four.

Parental Warning: Don't let you kids watch symphonies on TV. There’s too much sax and violins.

Q. Why don't guitarists like ukeleles?
A. 'Cause they don't fret the small stuff.

Metro gnomes are always on top of funny music puns and timely trends, but they do have some ticks.

Q. What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A. They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Q. Why do bands have bass players?
A. To translate for the drummer.

Q. Why did they call the new guy the prison guitarist?
A. He was always behind a few bars and can never find the right keys.

Q. Why didn't the drummer commit a crime?
A. 'Cause he couldn't handle the repercussions!

Q. What did the drummer name his daughters?
A. Anna 1, Anna 2.

Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet?
A. A toilet seat only has to deal with one ass at a time.

Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with a band?
A. The Drummer.

Metro Gnomes make great beat cops, too.

Well-Timed Pick-Up Line: Hey big guy, is that a metronome in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Q. Why did the guy turn up the music before going into the bathroom?
A. So you can't hear shit.

Q. What is "perfect pitch?"
A. When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.

Q. What's the difference between a skilled magician and a women's choir?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts...

Q. Who is the drummer in the Mexican Beatles tribute band?
A. Gringo Starr.

Q. What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs?
A. A head banger. OUCH!

Q. How can you catch a drummer?
A. Just lay down a snare.

Musician Chat Up Line: Dude, do you play the drums? 'Cause my heart just skipped a beat.

Q. Why do baseball players like choir practice?
A. 'Cause they always get the pitches.

Gnome, Gnome on the Range is not a cooking song.

Musician Come-On of the Day: Save a drum. Bang a drummer!

Rocking Hookup Line: Hey babe, if you were a drum, I'd bang you all night long!

Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his ears.

Two musicians were walking down the street. One turns to the other and asks, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replied, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife!"

Q. What is a horny guy's favorite rock band to masturbate to?
A. The Strokes.

Q. What do you call a guitar that wants to become a violin?
A. Trans-Fender.

Q. What does an electric guitarist call the extra notes added to the end of a song to make it last longer?
A. Extension chords.

Oh, that's a show tune? It sounded like a gnome porno title. ...

Pick-Up a Musician Line: Hey big guy, are you a drummer? 'Cause I'm getting good vibes.

Q. What's the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A. The coffin has the corpse inside.

Q. What do you call a British gent who plays the saxophone?
A. An Anglo-Saxon.

Up Beat Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, drummers have excellent stick control.

Q. Why was the amputee fired from the local garage band?
A. 'Cause he couldn't hold a note or carry a tune.

Q. Why did the thief kill himself after being arrested for stealing musical instruments from the orchestra?
A. He didn't have a safe Haydn place and couldn't Handel the prospect of being sent Bach to prison!

Q. Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to sit through?
A. The Nutcracker Suite.

Q. What do you call a musically gifted elf?
A. A Christmas Rap Artist!

Q. What do mummies (and daddies) listen to on Christmas Eve?
A. Wrap Music!

Q. What happened to the rapper who used cannabis infused citric chewing tobacco?
A. He spit out some dope lines.

Hard Rock Pick-Up Line: Hey dude, is that a drumstick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Q. What do you get if you cross a computer programmer and a drummer?
A. An algo-rhythm.

Q. Why should you date a drummer with caution?
A. Because they beat things for a living.

Q. What's in the potent Christmas cocktail called Little Drummer Boy?
A. One part rum, three parts rum pum.

Q. How can you catch that Little Drummer Boy before the annoying singing starts?
A. Just lay down a snare.

Roadie Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you a mike that's been left on too long? 'Cause you are really hot.

Q. Why do farmers play smooth jazz out in the corn field?
A. 'Cause it's easy on the ears.

Q. Why did the rapper go into farming?
A. Now he can produce his own beets.

Q. What do rappers and gardeners have in common?
A. Both spend a lot of money on hoes.

Q. Why do farmers make the best rappers?
A. 'Cause they have the freshest beets.

Rocking Pick-Up Line: Hey dude, are you a drummer? 'Cause I really want to play with your stick.

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