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Q. What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit? A. The Defendant!
Q. What's the difference between a dog & a violinist? A. The dog knows when to quit scratching!
Music Pick-Up Line: I don't play guitar, but I'll pluck your G string!
Q. Why is the French horn the most divine instrument? A. Ma blows into it, but God only knows what comes out!
A guy hit another on the head with a pop bottle, killing him. In court, he said he was influenced by the song "Let's Get Fizzy-Kill."

 


Music One-Liners, Musician Puns, Jokes of Note
Sing-a-long with key music puns, instrumental laughs, classical music humor and rocking jokes.

Short Music Jokes, Flat Humor, Sharp Puns
(Because Not Funny Top 40 Hits and So-Called Idols Are Far TOO Mainstream for Those Who Aren't Tone-Deaf!)
Warning: Listen at Your Own Risk! Note, the composition of these musician puns and music jokes is rocky at best.
| Music Jokes, Musician Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Musician Come-Ons |
| Brassy Music Jokes | Chef Tunes and Culinary Beats | Classical Music and Composer Jokes |
| Colorado Music Jokes | Drummer Jokes | Gnome Music Puns | Guitar Jokes | Hip Hop Humor |
| Piano Jokes, Keyboard Puns | Rocking Rock 'N Roll Jokes | Rock Group Puns and Band Jokes |
| Scary Music Jokes | Sci-Fi Music Jokes | Singer, Vocalist, Song Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns |
| Musical Superhero Jokes | Weed Music Jokes | Wild Animal Music Beasts | Xmas Carol LOLs |

Q. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keyboard? A. He was playing by ear!Q. What do you call a guitarist that drank too much alchohol? A. Bassist loaded!Q. Why did a woodwind player go fishing? A. He wanted to catch a bass soon!

Q. Why was the piano laughing?
A. Because someone was tickling its ivories!

Q. What do you call a laughing piano?
A. A Yama-ha-ha!

Q. What key is Exploring the Cave with No Flashlight written in?
A. C sharp or B flat!

Q. What do novice piano composers and computer programmers have in common?
A. Both write in C.

Q. Who should you consult if you're having a hard time setting priorities?
A. A piano technician because they're skilled at addressing key issues.

Q. What can you do if you have trouble finding a singing partner?
A. Just buy a duet yourself kit.

Q. Which rock group has four guys that don't sing?
A. Mount Rushmore.

Q. Why do lead guitarists walk around on the stage?
A. To get away from the sound.

Q. Which classic rock band is the favorite of electricians?
A. AC/DC.

Q. Why was the guitar player arrested?
A. For fingering A Minor.

Q. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
A. Something catchy!

Q. What's the most musical part of a fish?
A. The Scales.

Q. What is a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A. Bass drum.

Q. Why does smooth jazz put some people to sleep?
A. 'Cause of the mellow tonin'.

Reedy Bad Hookup Line: Hey babe, I bet that clarinet isn't the only thing you know how to blow.

Did you hear about the music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note!Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test? A. Saliva!Q. What happens if you play Beethoven backwards? A. He Decomposes!

Two jazz guitarists meet at a bar. One says to the other, "Hey man, I bought your last album!" The other replies, "Oh, so that was you!"

Q. Why did the rock star put his guitar in the refrigerator?
A. He wanted to play really cool music.

Q. Why do you bury guitar players six feet under?
A. Because deep down, they're all nice people.

Q. Why do women toss underwear to guitarists on stage?
A. In case their G-string breaks.

Today's Music Point to Ponder: The fact that there's a Highway to Hell and a Stairway to Heaven says alot about the anticipated traffic.

Q. Why do drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
A. So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.

Q. What do you do with a drummer who can't keep a beat?
A. Take away one stick and make him a conductor.

Rocking Hookup Line: Hey babe, if you were a drum, I'd bang you all night

Q. What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A. A de-Bach-le.

Q. Which cult rock song is an ode to Vincent Price and Dracula's obsessions?
A. Night of the Vampire by Roky Erickson.

Q. Which creepy gothic tune do powerful old people moan about?
A. We Suck Young Blood by Radiohead.

Q. Why did the classical music composer go to a chiropractor?
A. Because he had Bach problems.

Q. What is a cool banana's favorite song? A. Melllo Yellow!Q. What do you call it if a classical composer falls off his horse but gets back on? A. Bach in the saddle again!Cow Chef Asks: What kind of music do chefs like to listen to? Wok N Roll!

Patient: I just can't stop singing, What's New Pussycat.
Shrink: You might have TJS, Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient: Is that rare?
Shrink: It's not unusual.

Q. Which classic rock band is guaranteed to get a beehive buzzing?
A. Pollen Oates.

Q. What did the hen-pecked guy mutter after his wife wailed, "What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?"
A. Evidently not.

Q. What is a semiconductor?
A. A part time musician.

Classical Laugh of the Day: A guy's wife wouldn't let him listen to orchestral music while they're having sex, but then they came to a different arrangement.

Q. What is a minimalist orchestra?
A. Just like a standard orchestra, just without all the bells and whistles.

Q. What happened during the fight in the orchestra hall?
A. Somebody struck a wrong chord and it led to a lot of violins.

Q. Which R&B funk tribute band only plays in kitchens?
A. Earth, Wind, and Fryer!

After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible. However, a chef maestro would argue that a finely tuned menu does the same.

Q. Why do you feel sad when you see a band pack up their gear after a big gig?
A. Because it's dis-concerting.

Rock Trivia of the Day: The drug company's band called The Prevention never took off even though they thought they were better than The Cure.

Q. How do you get a trombonist off your porch? A. Pay hin for the pizza!Q. What do you call it when a Wookiee plays guitar alone on stage? A. A Han Solo!Q. Why was the piano player arrested? A. Because he got into treble!

Q. What do you call a brass musician's erection?
A. A trom-boner.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A. A trombone.

Q. What is the latest crime wave in NYC?
A. Drive-by trombone solos.

Q. What is another term for trombone?
A. A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Pick-Up a Trombonist Line: Hey big guy, wanna grease my slide?

Q. What is a hooker's favorite musical instrument?
A. The guitar because the G string is thinner.

Q. Who sang the touching sci-fi song Assimilate Me Tender?
A. Elvis of Borg.

Q. Why don't guitarists like ukeleles?
A. 'Cause they don't fret the small stuff.

Q. What is A Relative Minor?
A. A guitarist's relative.

Q. How do you invite a classical guitar player to a party?
A. Chordially.

Q. How did the piano get out of jail?
A. It used its keys!

Q. What is even worse than lobsters on your piano?
A. Crabs on your organ!

Q. How are hot women like pianos?
A. When they're not upright, they're grand!

Q. What message did the pianist leave for his wife?
A. Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a minuet.

Key Fact of the Day: Old pianists never die. They just adagio away.

| Music Jokes, Musician Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Musician Come-Ons |
| Brassy Music Jokes | Chef Tunes and Culinary Beats | Classical Music and Composer Jokes |
| Colorado Music Jokes | Drummer Jokes | Gnome Music Humor | Guitar Jokes | Bad Rap Puns |
| Piano Jokes, Keyboard Puns | Rocking Rock 'N Roll Jokes | Rock Group Puns and Band Jokes |
| Scary Music Jokes | Sci-Fi Music Jokes | Singer, Vocalist, Song Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns |
| Musical Superhero Jokes | Weed Music Jokes | Wild Animal Music Beasts | Xmas Carol LOLs |

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