Q. What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet?
A. A snake in the brass!

Q. What do you call an arrogant trumpeter?
A. A Brass-Hole.

Brass Musician Tip of the Day: If you suck at trumpet, that's probably why!

Pick Up a Musician Line: Hey dude, do you play trumpet? 'Cause you're making me horny.

Brassy Pick-Up Line: Hey big guy, are you a trombone? 'Cause I'd like to blow you in seven different positions.

Q. What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet?
A. Tooty Fruity.

Q. Why can't a gorilla play the trumpet?
A. He's too sensitive.

Q. What do you call a cow that plays the trumpet?
A. A Moos-ician.

Q. What happened to the jazz musician after his wife left him?
A. He had to toot his own horn.

Brassy Marchng Band Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I'd like to open my spit valve on you.

Trumpet players do it with three fingers. Tuba players do it with four fingers. But, trombonists do it in seven positions.

Q. What do you call a brass section with only a sole tuba?
A. A one-ba.

Q. How do you tune a Jedi tuba?
A. Use the fourth.

Did you hear about the tuba player who died while smoking weed rolled in a dollar bill? At least he went out on a high note…

Q. What is a brass player's favorite movie?
A. Gone with the Woodwinds.

Q. What is a tuba for?
A. 1 1/2" x 3 1/2".

Q. Why was the kid who wanted to play heavy metal mad at his father?
A. 'Cause his dad bought him a tuba.

Q. Which musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A. A tuba toothpaste.

Q. Which musical instrument does the uterus play?
A. A fallopian tuba.

Backstage Hookup Line: Dude, you must be a sousaphone player, 'cause you are makimg me SO horny.

Q. How do you fix a broken tuba?
A. With a tuba glue!

Q. Why can't you take a tuba player on a bar crawl?
A. 'Cause they're always two bars behind.

Q. What do you call a tuba player who correctly notices the key signature?
A. Astute.

Q. What's the range of a tuba?
A. About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.

Brass Player Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, did you know tuba players are ten times hornier than buglers?

Q. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?
A. Stick your hand into the bell and mess up all the notes.

Q. Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
A. If a man blows into it, God only know what comes out.

Flat Pick-Up Line: Babe, are you a Paris musician? 'Cause you are making me French horny.

Q. Why are brass players so good in bed?
A. Because they know how to tongue, finger, and blow.

Q. What is the latest crime wave in NYC?
A. Drive-by trombone solos.

Q. What is another term for trombone?
A. A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q. Why do trombonists always have the best sex?
A. 'Cause they always get two holes in seven positions.

Q. Why is jazz the music genre most often used to set the mood?
A. 'Cause it's so horny.

Brassy Pick-Up Line: Oh baby, you've giving me a real tromboner!

Pick-Up a Trombonist Line: Hey big guy, wanna grease my slide?

Q. Why did the humble trumpet player always borrow other musician's trumpets?
A. Because he didn't like blowing his own horn.

Q. Why shouldn't you teach your dog how to play the trumpet?
A. Because he'll go from barking to tooting, and who needs that stink?

Playing the trumpet is a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded. You don't have to be very good to get a lot of people's attention!

Q. How are beginner trumpet players like pirates?
A. They're both murder on the high Cs.

Brassy Hookup Line: Hey girl, you sound a bit flat. So, should I push in, or pull out?

Q. How can you tell which kid on the playground is the trombonist's kid?
A. He knows how to work the slide and really swings!

Q. Which brass instruments sound a little like Tom Jones?
A. TromBones.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A. A trombone.

Q. What can a musician do with a rubber trumpet?
A. Join an elastic band!

Q. If everybody around you is wild about big band music, where do you live?
A. In a swing state.

Brass Tip of the Day: After you've played the trombone for a long time, people will pay you to play and your neighbors will pay you to stop!

Q. What do you call a woman of the evening who's standing on the corner and playing a trumpet?
A. A prosti-toot.

Q. What is it called when the trumpet player calls in sick because he's got too much iron in his blood?
A. Ferrous Buglers Day Off.

Q. What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A. A Yam Session!

Q. Do old trombone players ever die?
A. No, they just slide away.

Q. What is a true gentleman?
A. A guy who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.

Q. How can you tell which kids at the playground are the trumpet player's?
A. They're the ones who really know how to swing!

Q. What do being a bad trumpet player and masturbation have in common?
A. Blow your horn in private because nobody wants to see you rehearsing in a public park.

Q. How did the audience feel when they saw Count Basie perform?
A. All jazzed up.

Q. Which brass band always stands in a puddle of drool during the Christmas season?
A. The Salivation Army Band.

Q. What do you call a brass musician's erection?
A. A trom-boner.

Q. What do doctors call it when you have jazz in your blood?
A. Deep vein trombonesis.

Q. What do four trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A. A Great Idea!

Q. Do old trombone players ever die?
A. No, they just go down the tubes.

Q. Why do copper musical instruments sound more powerful than brass in a symphony?
A. Because copper is a better conductor.

Old trombonists never die because they just slide on.

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