Q. How are music and slippery ice alike? A. If you don't C Sharp, you'll B Flat!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. How are harps like elderly people? A. Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of your car!
Did you hear about the pianist who played for just a few people? His performance was low key!
Q. What's the difference between a dog & a violinist? A. The dog knows when to quit scratching!
Q. What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant? Q. Thirteen pounds!
Did you hear about the music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note!
Q. How are a viola and a lawsuit alike? A. Everyone is relieved when the case is closed!


Symphony Puns, Conductor Jokes, Composer Puns
Score with orchestral humor, classical musician jokes, and a symphony of conductor puns.

Classical Music Jokes, Bach Puns, Baroque Humor
(Because High-Brow Orchestra Humor, Decomposed Jokes, and Baroque Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream!)
Warning: Hum Along with Caution! Maestros, note your pain IS self-inflicted. Conduct yourself accordianly.
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Q. What happens if you play Beethoven backwards? A. He Decomposes!Q. Why did Mozart kill his chickens? A. They kept running around going: "Bach Bach Back!"Q. What do you get if Bach dies and reincarnates as twins? A. A pair of re-Bachs!

Q. What happens after Beethoven's second fifth?
A. Nothing.

Classical Music Groan of the Day: Last night the school orchestra played Brahms. Brahms lost. OUCH!

Q. Why did the classical musician just go Bach home and order at Amazon?
A. 'Cause he went Chopin, but forgot his Liszt.

Q. What is a battle between classical music composers called?
A. A de-Bach-le.

Q. Why did the composer go to a chiropractor?
A. Because he had Bach problems.

Q. How can you tell if your steak enjoys classical music?
A. It frequents the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

Q. What is a minimalist orchestra?
A. Just like a standard orchestra, just without all the bells and whistles.

Q. Which microscopic organism listens to classical music?
A. Bach-teria.

Q. What did Mozart put in his front yard?
A. A metro-gnome.

Q. What do you call a zombie who writes music?
A. A decomposer.

Q. How did Beethoven travel around Europe?
A. He took the Ludwig Van.

Q. What is it called when your dog, Beethoven, howls at classical music?
A. Baching up the wrong tree.

Q. What does an orchestra need to play electrifying music?
A. A good conductor.

Classical Laugh of the Day: A guy's wife wouldn't let him listen to orchestral music while they're having sex, but then they came to a different arrangement.

Q. What do musicians call a compliment to a composer?
A. A radical movement.

Q. Why did Bach have so many children? A. Because he didn't have a stop on his organ!Q. What do you call it if a classical composer falls off his horse but gets back on? A. Bach in the saddle again!Q. What message would Bach leave on his voice mail? A. This phone is Baroque, please call Bach later!

Did you hear about the vampire pianist who tortured people with his playing? His Bach was worse than his bite!

Classical Musician Hookup Line: Hi baby, I bet we could get into some serious treble together.

Q. Why did the thief kill himself after being arrested for stealing musical instruments from the orchestra?
A. He didn't have a safe Haydn place and couldn't Handel the prospect of being sent Bach to prison!

Q. What does Captain America say when he wants an orchestra?
A. Avengers, Assemble!

Q. What do you do with a drummer who can't keep a beat?
A. Take away one stick and make him a conductor.

Q. What do you call a musican who betrays fellow musicians?
A. An orchestraitor.

Q. How can you tell which composer is the best?
A. Compare their scores.

Q. What happened during the fight in the orchestra hall?
A. Somebody struck a wrong chord and it led to a lot of violins.

Noteworthy Fact of the Day: Killer whales enjoy classical music so much that they form Orca-stras.

Q. What is a spelling bee between classical music composers called?
A. A de-Bach-le.

Q. Who plays music in Mordor?
A. The ORChestra.

Q. What message did the pianist leave for his wife?
A. Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a minuet.

Q. Why was Ghandi removed from the orchestra?
A. He rejected the violins.

Q. What was the stiff symphony conductor diagnosed with?
A. Bad Bach Pain.

Q. What happened when the guy listened to classical music way too loud?
A. His speakers baroque.

Q. Why do copper musical instruments sound more powerful than brass in a symphony?
A. Because copper is a better conductor.

Q. Which musical composition is about a bread-loving pack animal?
A. Pita and the Wolf.

Q. How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb? A. Just one, but it takes four movements!Q. Why don't they know where Mozart is burried? A. Because he's Haydn?Q. What kind of music do sheep like? A. Baach!

Q. What's the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver?
A. The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horse's asses.

Q. Why was the conductor late to the concert?
A. He drove over something sharp and got a flat tire.

Q. When lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to be hit?
A. The Conductor!

Classical Fact of the Day: Johann Sebastian Bach was not a rich man. In fact, he was Baroque.

Q. Why didn't Handel go shopping?
A. Because he was baroque!

Q. Which is a stoner's favorite Colorado Symphony Orchestra song?
A. Beethoven's 420 Symphony.

Q. How do you threaten a classical music buff?
A. Tell him to watch his Bach.

Q. What happened to the classical musican couple who were always bickering?
A. They baroque up.

Q. Why did Karl Marx detest classical music?
A. Because of the violins inherent to the system.

Q. What do you call a musical ensemble made up of whales?
A. An orca-stra.

Q. Which classical melody do Siamese cats like to listen to?
A. Fur Elise.

Q. Which new boy band only plays classical music?
A. The Bach Street Boys.

Q. Why did the classical orchestra disband?
A. They went Baroque.

Q. What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A. A bear-faced lyre!

Did you hear about the constipated composer? He had problems with his last movement!Q. What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? A. Christmas Chopin!What is Beethoven's favorite fruity melody? A. 5th Symphony: banana..Na...! Banana..Na...!

Q. What is messy and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.

Q. What did the depressed composer tell his proctologist?
A. He'd been feeling rather down in the dumps.

Q. What is it called if a classical musician has to use the toilet more than three times in one day?
A. The fourth movement.

Q. What do you call the homeless monkey in the orchestra's woodwind section?
A. Oboe Bonobo Hobo.

Classical Come-On: Hey baby, even Beethoven couldn't compose something as moving as you.

Q. Which musical manuscripts should baseball players study?
A. Bach's scores.

Q. What do Baroque musicians do if they don't like their Xmas gifts?
A. Hand them Bach.

Q. Why didn't musicians have much money during the 17th and 18th Centuries?
A. Because that was the Baroque period.

Q. Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to sit through?
A. The Nutcracker Suite.

Stand Up Singer: Where is my book of opera puns?
Classical Music Agent: Overture house.

Q. Why don't some moms let their young children listen to Beethoven?
A. Because of all the violins.

Composed Pick-Up Line: Hello baby, even Mozart couldn't compose a movement as beautiful as yours.

Classical Laugh of the Day: Everybody told Beethoven he'd fail as a musician because he was deaf. But, did he listen?

Q. Which classical dessert comes out of a musical volcano?
A. Bach lava.

Q. What happened when the horny conductor tried to sleep with each member of the orchestra?
A. He only made it to second bass.

Orchestra Musician Chat Up Line: Hey baby, I C Major potential in you. x,

Musical Pick-Up Lines Fact of the Day: Composers always score! x,

Deep Thought of Note: Do you still make poignant music after you're dead by de-composing? ???

Classical Pick-Up Line of Note: Hey baby, you are on my to-do Liszt tonight.

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