Q. What's the difference between a pit bull and an opera singer? A. Lipstick!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Music Pick-Up Line: Are you a baritone? 'Cause I'd like to get to 1st bass with you
What kind of music do planets enjoy singing along to? Neptunes!
Q. What is a vampire's favorite pop love song? A. Why do I ignore the girl necks door.
Q. Which pot strain is preferred by Vegas Sinatra impersonators? A. Dooby Dooby Doo!
Q. Which song do vampires really detest? A. You Are My Sunshine!
Q. Who is Electro's favorite singer? Frank Zappa!
Do Re Me Fa, It's Sol Day!
I just wrote a song about tortillas. Actually, it's more of a wrap.
Q. What is a vampire's least favorite song? A. Another One Bites The Dust!
Favorite Song: Gnome Woman, Gnome Cry
Q. What do you suffer from if you've heard the same song a million times? A. A Melody Malady!

 


Soloist Puns, Songstress Jokes, Crooner Humor
Wail along to off-key singer puns, crooner song humor, ditty laughs and tone-deaf songbird jokes.

Singer Jokes, Vocalist Humor, Funny Song Puns
(Because Diva Puns and Chanteuse Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Opera Goers or Lounge Lizards!)
Warning: Croon Along with Caution! Key songster jokes, howling funny choir humor, and bad ballad puns ahead.
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Q. How can you tell a singer is at your door? A. They can't find the key and they never know when to come in!Q. Why are pirates such great singers? A. they can hit the high Cs!Q. Why are locksmiths such versatile vocalists? A. Because they can sing in any key!

Q. What do you call a group of alligators that get together to sing parody songs?
A. Pun-croc-ers!

Q. What can you do if you have trouble finding a singing partner?
A. Just buy a duet yourself kit.

Stand Up Singer: Where is my book of opera puns?
Classical Music Agent: Overture house.

Q. What did Han Solo change his name to after marrying Princess Leia?
A. Han Duet.

Did you hear about the choir singer with augmented breasts? She had a great falsetto!

Vocalist Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you a scale? 'Cause I'd go up and down on you all night long, and you set the tempo.

Q. Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?
A. 'Cause they get lost at C.

If you can't sing with a mouth full of garbanzo beans, just hummus a tune!

Q. What song does a winning NASCAR driver sing during a big race?
A. Blue Bayou.

Q. Why did the scuba diver think he heard mermaids singing?
A. Because he was near a choral reef.

Q. Where do pirates keep singing seahorses?
A. In a coral choral corral.

Q. Which old opera was about a valet's comedic attempt to secure his boat?
A. The Moorage of Figaro.

Q. Why do hummingbirds hum?
A. Because they don't know the words.

Q. Why can't divas have a colonostomy?
A. Because they can't find shoes to match the bag.

Q. Why is it so hard to have an opera singer for a friend?
A. Because with them, everything is mi mi mi mi.

Q. What is it called when a trickster god softly sings a bit flat?
A. Low key, low-key, Loki.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. You sing Klingon opera when you're in the shower!

Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

Q. Why do baseball players like choir practice?
A. 'Cause they always get the pitches.

Q. Why did the singer climb up a ladder? A. She wanted to reach teh high notes!Music Pun: I break into song because I can't find the key.Q. How many vocalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None. They hold the bulb over their head and the world revolves around them!

Q. What do you call a female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale?
A. A Deep C Diva!

Q. What's the definition of a mezzo soprano?
A. Just an alto with a soprano's attitude.

Q. What do you call it when somebody who's all lathered up sings a medley of arias?
A. A soap opera.

Scaled Up Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, are you my voice? 'Cause I don't ever want to lose you.

Q. Why was the tone-deaf kid sent to singing lessons?
A. 'Cause singing is a skill he'd a choir.

Q. Why did the chef add chickpeas to the culinary choir?
A. To hummus a song.

Off-Key Pick-Up a Singer Line: Hey baby, are you that note I didn't hit? 'Cause I can't stop thinking about you.

Q. Why are lumberjacks such powerful singers?
A. Because their voices have an incredible timber.

Q. How can you tell you are addicted to a futuristic Star Trek lifestyle?
A. When you're stuck in traffic, Siri automatically plays Klingon opera.

Off Key Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you a vocalist? 'Cause I wanto to duet with you.

Q. What do you call a fish that won't quit singing?
A. A big-mouthed bass.

Q. What did the cheesy pop vocalist name his new pot shop?
A. One Hit Wonder.

Q. Why did the singer hate the key of E minor?
A. Because it gave him the E B G Bs!

Q. What do they call traditional singing chickens in the Alps?
A. Yolk-el-ers.

Q. How many country music singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw in a new bulb, and one to write a song about it.

Q. How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They can't get up that high.

Vocal Hookup Line: Babe, sopranos are always on top and altos are always on the bottom, but we mezzos can go both ways.

Q. How many choir directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Nobody knows, 'cause no one ever watches the choir director.

Vocal Chat Up Line: Hey handsome, are you a choir director? 'Cause you are really making my heart sing.

Q. What does a vocalist call extra notes added to the end of a song to make it last longer?
A. Extension chords.

Q. What do you do when the church choir sings a bit off key? A. You cut them psalm slack!Q. What do you call somebody who hangs around with musicians? A. A Vocalist!Q. What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant? Q. Thirteen pounds!

Q. Why are singers so curious?
A. Because they are in-choir-ing.

Q. What did they call a singing knight trainee during the Middle Ages?
A. A Schoir.

Q. What is it called when you extend your arms toward the church singers?
A. Reaching to the choir.

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a pitbull?
A. The jewelry.

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
A. The lipstick.

Q. What do you call a large, sudsy soprano in a bathtub?
A. A soap opera.

Q. Why did the holiday choir have to cancel their Christmas Eve performance?
A. They came down with tinsel-itis!

Q. How does a Blonde soparano sing the scales?
A. Do Re Mi, Me, Me, Me, Me, Doh!

Vocalist Thought of the Day: If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet!

Q. Why are sopranos so good at Christmas shopping?
A. They always manage to get Descant prices.

Q. What do you call it when St. Nick suddenly stops singing Xmas Carols?
A. Santa Pause.

Male Vocalist Point to Ponder: Why do women love singing Let It Go, considering it seems most of them hold grudges for life?

Voice Coach Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I can help you hit all those high notes.

Studio Singer Hookup Line: Hey baby, let's make music on my sheets.

Q. How can you tell a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
A. The horses seem very relieved.

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a killer whale?
A. The lipstick.

Q. What's the difference between a dressmaker and a soprano?
A. The dressmaker tucks the frills.

Q. What do you call a classical singer's big break?
A. An opera-tunity.

Q. How does a newspaper go about reviewing aria performances?
A. They follow standard opera-rating practices.

Noteworthy Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, bassos know how to go really low.

Music Chat Up Line: Babe, it's a well-known fact that vocalists duet better.

Q. What song do you sing if you've run out of bananas? A. What else but peelings!Q. Which are the only notes a pirate vocalists can hit? A. The high Cs!Q. Why did the girl who worked at the phone company sing all of the time? A. Because she was an operetta!

Q. What is born skinless, flies wingless, and sings until it dies?
A. A fart.

Q. Why was the soprano standing outside the door?
A. She forgot the key.

Tone-Deaf Come-On: Hey girl, is your name Christmas Carol? 'Cause you are making my heart sing.

Q. What happens when you sing country music backward?
A. Your wife and your dog come back.

Q. How did Frank Sinatra die?
A. Stranglers in the Night.

All eight planets were singing Happy Birthday to the sun. It sounded terrible. Seven planets pointed at Terra Firma, but Earth said, "Don't look at me. I'm not flat!"

Q. What do you call a group of rogue Canadians that sails the sea, singing about looting and stealing?
A. 21 Pirates.

Q. Why did the pirate buy a Pavoratti album?
A. Because he loved the high Cs.

Q. What song does a slayer sing after killing the last clone of Dracula?
A. It's the Final Countdown.

Q. Why was the amputee such a bad singer?
A. 'Cause he couldn't hold a note or carry a tune.

Q. How does a guy with a broken knee cap sing when in solitary pain?
A. A-patella.

Patient: I can't stop singing, I Want It That Way.
Shrink: Tell Me Why.

Q. Which brand of smart phone do singers prefer?
A. Samsung.

Q. Why did the computer sing Hello everytime somebody walked by?
A. 'Cause it's A Dell.

Q. Why did the guy get kicked off the karaoke stage after he sang Danger Zone five times in a row?
A. 'Cause he exceeded his maximum number of Loggins attempts.

Q. Which computer sings the best?
A. A Dell.

Q. Why don't suspenders make good singers?
A. Because they don't know how to belt.

Q. How is sex like an Italian opera?
A. At first, nobody knows what the hell is going on, and it usually ends with a fat person yelling loudly.

Q. Who is a lockmith's favorite singer? A. Alicia Keys!Q. What is a sous chef's favorite song? A. Dice Dice Baby!Q. What is a cool banana's favorite song? A. Melllo Yellow!

Q. How do you know you're a cheesy singer?
A. Your urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

Q. What did the guy sing after his wife wailed, "What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?"
A. Evidently not.

Q. What is another name for the first three digits in an opera singer's phone number?
A. Aria code.

Patient: I just can't stop singing, What's New Pussycat.
Shrink: You might have TJS, Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient: Is that rare?
Shrink: It's not unusual. s

Q. What do you call black people who sing really well?
A. A vocal minority.

Q. What did the guy say when his girlfriend told him to stop talking in Oasis lyrics?
A. Maybe.

Q. Who is large, gray, and sings great jazz songs?
A. Elephants Gerald.

Q. What did Han Solo change his name to after marrying Princess Leia?
A. Han Duet.

Q. Who sang the touching sci-fi song Assimilate Me Tender?
A. Elvis of Borg.

Q. What is an Italian chef's favorite song to sing when he's cooking fish?
A. O Sole Mio.

Q. What is the chance to samply a fishy broth at a high brow music event called?
A. An opera-tuna-ty.

Q. What happened after the chef opened the refrigerator door because he heard green onions singing a Bee Gees song?
A. He realized it was just chives talking.

Q. Why is everybody singing about the new Indian restaurant?
A. On Curry-oke Night, that shit is really hot!

Q. What is a baker's fab fave Beatles' song?
A. Loaf is All You Knead.

Q. Why did the guy want Yoko Ono to sing at his funeral?
A. He wants his friends to know there are worse things than death.

Q. Why didn't the fisherman make it big as a rap artist?
A. His lines were okay, but his hooks were de-bait-able.

Q. What do vocalists and some baseball players have in common?
A. Being pitch-perfect.

Q. Which country music star was famous for giving overly dramatic performances?
A. Hammy Wynette.

Q. Which singer is noted for always butting into everybody's business?
A. Bette Meddler.

Lyric Laugh of the Day: I thought my wife was kidding when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing I'm a Believer by the Monkees. But then, I saw her face.

Q. Why do birds sing every morning?
A. 'Cause they don't have to commute to work!

Q. What does a Grammy winning rooster sing?
A. Rocker-Doodle-Do!

Q. How was the tenor frog's performance at the opera house?
A. Absolutely ribbeting.

Q. What did the guy say after his girlfriend broke up with him for constantly singing Linkin Park songs?
A. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

Q. What do you call a tailor who composes music when he's not sewing?
A. A Singer song writer.

Q. What's the difference between a skilled magician and a women's choir?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts...

Pick-Up a Vocalist Line: Hey babe, do you have perfect pitch? 'Cause you and I are so in tune.

Q. What does singer Dion use when she stores her contact lenses?
A. Celine solution.

Q. Which pop and soul superstar adores fish, especially bluefin, yellowfin, and albacore?
A. Tuna Turner.

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