| Q.
How do you know you're a cheesy singer?
A. Your urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Q.
What did the guy sing after his wife wailed, "What
would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and
walk out on me?"
A. Evidently not.
Q.
What is another name for the first three digits in an opera
singer's phone number?
A. Aria code.
Patient:
I just can't stop singing, What's New Pussycat.
Shrink: You might have TJS, Tom Jones Syndrome.
Patient: Is that rare?
Shrink: It's not unusual. s
Q.
What do you call black people who sing really well?
A. A vocal minority.
Q.
What did the guy say when his girlfriend told him to stop
talking in Oasis lyrics?
A. Maybe.
Q.
Who is large, gray, and sings great jazz songs?
A. Elephants Gerald.
Q.
Why did the guy want Yoko Ono to sing at his funeral?
A. He wants his friends to know there are worse things than
death.
Q.
What did Han Solo change his name to after marrying
Princess Leia?
A. Han Duet.
Q.
Who sang the touching sci-fi song Assimilate Me Tender?
A. Elvis of Borg.
Q.
Which song is about a pilot who made a lot of mistakes in
flight?
A. I Should Have Flown Better.
Q.
Which kind of dinosaur was an opera singer?
A. Mii-Mi-Mi-Rex. |
Q.
What is an Italian chef's favorite song to sing when he's
cooking fish?
A. O Sole Mio.
Q.
What is the chance to samply a fishy broth at a high brow
music event called?
A. An opera-tuna-ty.
Q.
What happened after the chef opened the refrigerator door
because he heard green onions singing a Bee Gees song?
A. He realized it was just chives talking.
Q.
Why is everybody singing about the new Indian restaurant?
A. On Curry-oke Night, that shit is really hot!
Q.
What is a baker's fab fave Beatles' song?
A. Loaf is All You Knead.
Q.
Which memorable song writer was a terrible driver and had
several near misses?
A. Swerving Berlin.
Q.
What does singer Dion use when she stores her contact lenses?
A. Celine solution.
Q.
What do vocalists and some baseball players have in common?
A. Being pitch-perfect.
Q.
Which children's song is about a group of mice that fell
into a pickle barrel?
A. Three Brined Mice.
Q.
What was the favorite sport of singer and bandleader Rudy?
A. Vallee-ball.
Q.
Which country music star was famous for giving overly dramatic
performances?
A. Hammy Wynette.
Q.
Which singer is noted for always butting into everybody's
business?
A. Bette Meddler.
Q.
Which well-known show tune was about Tiffany, Melania, and
Ivanka?
A. The Lady is a Trump. |
Lyric
Laugh of the Day: I thought my wife was kidding when she
said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing I'm a Believer
by the Monkees. But then, I saw her face.
Q.
Why do birds sing every morning?
A. 'Cause they don't have to commute to work!
Q.
Which classic rock song automatically plays in your head
when the needle's been on E for the last 25 miles with no
gas station in sight?
A. Running On Empty by Jackson Browne.
Q.
What does a Grammy winning rooster sing?
A. Rocker-Doodle-Do!
Q.
How was the tenor frog's performance at the opera house?
A. Absolutely ribbeting.
Q.
What did the guy say after his girlfriend broke up with
him for constantly singing Linkin Park songs?
A. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Q.
What do you call a tailor who composes music when he's not
sewing?
A. A Singer song writer.
Q.
Why didn't the fisherman make it big as a rap artist?
A. His lines were okay, but his hooks were de-bait-able.
Q.
What's the difference between a skilled magician and a women's
choir?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts...
Pick-Up
a Vocalist Line: Hey babe, do you have perfect pitch? 'Cause
you and I are so in tune.
Q.
Which pop and soul superstar adores fish, especially bluefin,
yellowfin, and albacore?
A. Tuna Turner.
Q.
What do paleontologists call a group of dinosaurs vocalizing
in unison?
A. A dino-chorus. |
