They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it because it was full of carbs.   PainfulPuns.com - Edible Puns, Funny Food, Chef Humor, Java Jokes!

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Gorilla asks: Did you hear about the new banana diet? You don't lose much weight, but climbing trees is a breeze!
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
Q. What did the frog order at McDonalds? A. French flies and a diet croak!
Hulk Humor: I can't drink milk. I lactose genes needed to digest it.
Q. What is a blonde's idea of a balanced diet? A. A glass of wine in each hand!
Q. Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? A. Only if your aim is good!
Q. What did the bodybuilder say when he opened his protein tub? A. No whey!

 


Diet Puns, Weight Loss Jokes, Healthy Humor
Don't sit and weight for funny diet jokes, dieting puns, and dietary humor you shouldn't eat...

Diet Jokes, Dieting Humor, Low Calorie LOLs
(Because Fad Diet Jokes and Low-Cal Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Those Who Hunger for Laughs!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Low calorie jokes and lite humor may cause binging on tasty diet puns.
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Vegetarian Jokes, Vegan Puns | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 |
| Salad Jokes | Carrot Jokes | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Tomato Jokes | Veggie Laughs |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes, Culinary Beats | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons |
| Snack Jokes | Halloween Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green Munchies |

How do spacemen add more protien to their diet? They make it meteor. Q. What is a great name for a dietician? A. Eaton Wright!Have you heard about the new garlic diet? You don't lose much weight but from a distance, friends think you look thinner.

Timely Diet Joke: Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.

Diet Point to Ponder: Can a successful dieter win the Nobelly Prize?

Q. What do you call it when you digest a steady diet of Painful diet and weight loss Puns?
A. A joke binge.

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: How many Skittles equal one serving of fruit?

Q. How did the dieter describe the new high-tech talking scale?
A. It has a weigh with words.

Diet Diary, Day 1: I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious!

Q. What is the definition of a diet?
A. When you have to go to a great length to change your width.

Entered what I ate today in my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house...

Q. What do you call somebody who cheats on a weight reduction plan?
A. Dietary fibber.

Diet True Dat of the Day: Dieting is a just a weigh of life.

Q. How do some people curb their appetite?
A. At the drive thru window.

Have you heard about the cottage cheese diet? You just eat your curds and weigh!

A guy thought he'd lost a lot of weight, so he got on the scale to show his wife. His wife said, "Guess a gain."

Dieting Tip of the Day: If you're thin, don't eat fast. Conversely, if you're fat, don't eat – fast.

Bulk Up Diet Fact of the Day: Did you know eating oysters can increase your mussel mass?

Diet Pun: People Don't Like Food Going To Waist.What do you call an overweight alien? An extra cholesterol!A Successful Diet Is: The Triumph of Mind Over Platter.

Diet Point to Ponder: If your dog is too fat, then maybe, just maybe you're not getting enough exercise!

Pricey Dieting Fact of the Day: The diet industry enjoys both a heavy bottom line and loin.

Q. Which Bruce Willis prequel film was never released?
A. Diet Hard.

Q. Why is the second day of a new diet always easier than the first?
A. 'Cause by the second day, you're off it.

Q. Why shouldn't you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
A. Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: How can empty calories possibly take up so much space?

Q. What is the Rotation Diet?
A. Every time you turn around, you catch yourself eating.

Q. What happened when the blonde went on a crash diet?
A. She crashed into two cars and took out a telephone pole!

Another Dieting Success Story: A psychic was a size 18 and gave depressing readings a large portion of the time. After dieting, she's a size 12 and a happy medium again.

Q. Why did the pleasingly plump guy claim he was in shape and refuse to diet?
A. 'Cause round is a shape, too!

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Gluten, putting the die back into diet.

The size a dieter aspires to be equals his sighs of relief.

Diet Pun: A Lot of Dieting Is Wishful ShrinkingDiet Humor: You don't gain weight by the minute at the dinner table, but by the seconds.Diet Joke: Becoming a Vegetarian is a Big Missed Steak.

Q. What is the definition of unhealthy?
A. What thin people call you when you are fat, and fat people call you when you are thin...

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: Wouldn't charting your weight loss diet progress on a pie chart just make you crave more dessert?

Flashing Neon Sign at Greasy Spoon Truck Stop Diner: Eat Here Diet Home

Diet Groan of the Day: Some diets cause a gut reaction.

The best reducing exercise is to shake the head violently from side to side when offered a second helping.

Q. What do you get if you put the correct amount of protein, veggies, and carbs on a scale?
A. A balanced diet.

Q. Why is eating while standing naked in front of a mirror such an effective dieting tactic?
A. 'Cause the restaurant will surely throw you out before you can eat too much!

Diet True Dat of the Day: Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.

Q. What is the name of the classic spy thriller about obese people?
A. Tomorrow Never Diets.

Q. Which insane craze diet do vegan zombies prefer to eat?
A. GgggRrrAaaaIiiiNNnnSss!

Un-Diet Pun Tip of the Day: Never go back for seconds. Just get it all in the first plate.

Diet Joke: Q. When should you go on a cheese diet? A. When you need to cheddar few pounds.Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all.Q. What did Darth Vader say when he visited a vegan restaurant? A. I find your lack of steak disturbing!

Q. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.

Q. What is the secret to writing successful diet books?
A. You have to have broad appeal to a very wide audience.

Diet Burn of the Day: I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.

Finally, the dieter was at his width's end.

Diet Poetry of the Day: If you truly wish to become thinner, simply diminish a portion of your dinner!

Q. Why did the blonde dieter get kicked out of Fat Fighters at her first visit?
A. Because they did not offer sumo wrestling there.

Eve: The only woman ever really tempted by an apple.

Who says I've got no will power? I'll get that pecan pie, if it's the last thing I do...

Q. What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.

Q. What is the latest low carb fad diet?
A. Where you speed eat spaghetti while down on the floor.

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: Is it just a coincidence that the word diet has the word die in it?

Helen was so fit that she didn't even like it when she gained one Troy ounce...

ET Chef Asks: What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry? A. He went back four seconds!Q. Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A. To get better buns!ET Chef Says: "No thanks, I'm a vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when somebody hands you their baby!

A new study on obesity is looking for a larger test group to add to their growing body of research.

Q. What did the guy, who had put on some pounds, say to the other hikers?
A. Weight up!

If you change the color of your food, are you on a dye-it?

The fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears, but now he's only eating foods with sorghums.

Dieting Tip of the Day: Always remember that stressed spelled backward is desserts.

Q. Why should you go to the paint store if your on a diet?
A. You can get thinner there.

Weighty Moan of the Day: This new diet is wearing me thin.

Q. How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
A. All her food is potion-controlled.

Dieting Wisdom of the Day: If you want to gain weight, get pizza to-go. If you're trying to lose weight, get your pizza to go away.

Q. What do you call a guy who's abandoned his diet?
A. A Desserter!

The shy dietician who had to give a speech about going vegetarian was very omnivorous about it.

Q. Why did the frustrated blonde dieter refuse to swallow her pride?
A. 'Cause the last thing she needs right now is even more empty calories. Duh!

Did you hear about the diet clinic that is successful that it will take your breadth away?

Do low carb diets really go against the grain?

Q. What is one of the biggest drawbacks of a polar bear's diet?
A. Brain freeze.

| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Vegetarian Jokes, Vegan Puns | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 |
| Salad Jokes | Carrot Jokes | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Tomato Jokes | Veggie Laughs |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons | Foodie Humor |
| Italian Food | 2 | 3 | Pasta Puns | Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Pirate Cuisine | Seafood Puns |
| Butcher Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork | Poultry | Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | BBQ |
| Deli Jokes | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dog LOLs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Herb | Soup |
| Egg Jokes | Milk | Butter | Cheese Jokes | Cheese Gnomes | Ice Cream | Cookie Candy Puns |
| Fruit Humor | 2 | 3 | Apple Jokes | Banana Funs | 2 | 3 | Lemon | Orange Puns | Strawberry |
| Baker Jokes | 2 | Bread | Dessert Puns | 2 | Beverage | Coffee | 2 | Soda Funny | Beer | Wine |
| Snack Jokes | Halloween Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green Munchies |


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