Jokes, Pecan Puns, Almond Grins, Legume LOLs
cracking with shelly cashew
puns, chestnut humor, nutty laughs and crazy funny nut jokes.
Proceed with Caution! Cracked walnut jokes, bean humor, peanut butter
grins and chic pea puns ahead.
Nutty Jokes, Peanut Puns, Ass Throw
('Cause Nutcracker Jokes and
Pecan Pie Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When
You Can Clearly See You're Nuts!)
| Nut Jokes | Snack
Jokes | Cookie and Candy Puns
| Dessert Jokes | Pie
Puns | Baker Jokes |
| Fruit Humor | Apple
Jokes | Banana Funs | Lemon
Laughs | Orange Puns | Berry
Funny Puns |
| Gourmet Grins and Connoisseur Humor
| Dinner Jokes | Lunch
Laughs | Kitchen Gadget Jokes
| Chef Jokes | Chef
Tunes | Gnome Chef | Chef
Come-Ons | Old Chef LOLs | Restaurant
at the Bar: "You are so good looking!" "You've
got the hottest bod in town!" "You really rock!"
Puzzled Customer to Bartender: "Wow, what was that?"
Bartender: Oh, that's just the penuts. They're complimentary."
Which nut is always on the side of the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!
What do you call the new blonde teller at the bank?
A. The Nutella!
How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Just climb up a tree and act like a nut.
Why don't backyard squirrels have very many friends?
A. Because they drive everybody nuts.
Why did a squirrel disassemble the classic car?
A. To get to the nuts and bolts.
What did the chef hunter call his new jam made with pine
nuts and deer meat?
A. Wild Preserves.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A. Beer nuts are $2.99, but deer nuts are always under a
What do elephants and pecan trees have in common?
A. Both have big nuts.
Why are elephants so poor?
A. Because they work for peanuts.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cow?
A. Peanut Butter.
Crack it up!
time you have company, serve them a bowl of shelled peanuts.
After they've eaten a few handfuls say, "I've never liked
peanuts, but I like to suck the chocolate off of them."
smartass friend said onions are the only food that could
make you cry, so I threw a coconut at him..
Fauna Come-On: Hey baby,
I wish you and I were squirrels, so I could bust a nut in
Which kind of snack nuts always seem to have a cold?
Chef Pick Up Line: Hey sweetie, you're just like my brownies,
half sweet and half nuts.
Which type of tasty nuts did the blonde try to use as money?
What do fellow gym rats call the guy who is obsessed with
well-developed pectoral muscles?
Which classic Christmas music do pecans, almonds, and filberts
dread the most?
A. The Nutcracker Suite.
How can you tell when spring is finally here?
A. Your squirrel's nuts have thawed out.
say to the
Use pecans instead!
won't grow in
What is the biggest decision you'll have to make this November?
A. Pecan pie or pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving?
Funny Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, you are just like my donut.
You're half sweet and half nuts.
Nooner Chat Up Line: Hey slick, your legs are like peanut
butter: smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
Culinary Beet: If you can't sing with a mouth full of garbanzo
beans, just hummus a tune.
What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate
A. A three peas suit.
What do vegie gardener's call an angry legume?
A. Grump pea.
Which kind of vegetable do librarians frow in the backyard
A. Quiet Peas!
Why don't peas rule the world today?
A. Due to the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.
Pick Up Line: Hey girl, is your name "Peanut Butter?" 'Cause
you're giving me the jelly legs.
What is every poetic chef's favorite kind of legume?
A. Rhyme-a beans.
What do finicky chefs call a retired legume?
A. A has bean.
Why shouldn't gardeners reveal secrets in the legume patch?
A. Because they might spill the beans.
Nut Jokes | Lunch
Jokes | Dinner Jokes | Gourmet
Grins | Kitchen Gadget Jokes
| Old Chef LOLs |
My sister treats me like Lucy treats Linus.
Psychiatrist: Hmm. Sounds like a Peanuts analogy.
Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to sit through?
A. The Nutcracker Suite.
Why did a squirrel swim across the stream on his back?
A. He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Growing which garden veggie ties up a lot of a gardener's
A. String Beans!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Why was the tomato plant arrested?
A. It was caught stalking the pole beans.
Why did corn wrongly get sent to garden jail?
A. For stalking the sweet peas.
Why did Gregor Mendel fail at handwriting class?
A. Because he kept crossing his Peas.
Green Gardener's Wisdom: Growing your own veggie garden
will bring peas on earth!
Hippie Veggie Gardener Thought of the Day: Bean thinking
how up-beet I yam about all the growing peas and love, man.
What is a vegetable gardener's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.
Whic holiday carol makes Santa say "No, No, No!"
instead of "Ho, Ho, Ho" on Christmas Eve?
A. Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire!
| Dessert Jokes | 2
| Pie Puns | Baker
| 2 | Bread
| Beverage | Coffee
| 2 | Soda
| Beer | Wine
| Cookie Candy Puns | Ice
Cream | Milk | Butter
| Cheese Jokes |
Cheese Gnomes | Egg Jokes |
| Fruit Humor | 2
| 3 | Apple
Jokes | Banana Funs | 2
| 3 | Lemon
| Orange Puns | Strawberry
| Chef Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | Chef
Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef
Come-Ons | Foodie Humor |
| Restaurant Jokes | 2
| 3 | Waiter
| Italian Food | 2
| 3 | Pizza
Jokes | Pasta | Take
Out Food |
| Butcher Jokes | Steak
Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2
| Pork Jokes | Poultry
Puns | BBQ Grill Jokes |
| Deli Jokes | Burger
Puns | 2 | 3
| Hot Dog LOLs | Ketchup
Jokes, Mustard Puns | Herb | Soup
| Carrot Jokes | Corn
| Peppers | Pickle
Puns | 2 | 3
| Potato Puns | Salad
| Tomato | Veggies
| Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex
Jokes | Seafood Puns | Pirate
Eats | Cop Cuisine | Breakfast
| Snack Jokes | Halloween
Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes
| Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green
| Diet Puns | Gnome
Diet | Vegetarian, Vegan Puns | Fitness
Dieting Jokes | 2 | Grocery
still snacking on the grins,
so here's even more loony laughter,
nutty humor, naughty
jokes and shelly painful
puns that'll surly crack
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
Alien Jokes | Bartender
Jokes | Butt Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Craft Beer Puns | Donkey
LOLs | Eyeglasses Jokes |
| Flattery Puns | Jail
Jokes | Locksmith Jokes | Male
Anatomy Puns | Moon Jokes
| Pirate Jokes | Police
| Santa Claus LOLs | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Shrink
Jokes | Sports Jokes | Weather
Jokes | Weed Jokes |
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