Diet Joke: Becoming a Vegetarian is a Big Missed Steak.   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What do you call a cow without any front legs? A. Lean beef!
Did you hear about the lost sausage? It was the missing link.
Q. What do you get if you play tug of war with a pig? A. Pulled Pork!
Steak Says: Derar Sunday, You're the grill of my dreams!
Q. What do you call a cow with a nervous twitch? A. Beef jerky!
Q. What do you call a pig thief? A. A Hamburglar!
Q. Why doesn't Sant let the elvs cook? A. the steaks are too high!
Bull asks: Did you hear about the guy who died eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull dragged him more than a mile!
Steak Says: Happy Done Day!

 


Butcher Jokes, Meaty Puns, Meat Packer Humor
Make the cut with beefy butcher humor, butchered puns, and the wurst meat market jokes.

Meat Market Jokes, Butcher Shop Puns, Meat LOLs
(Because Prime Puns and Juicy Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're Steaking Out the Meat Counter!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Choice cut-up jokes, whole hog humor, meaty LOLs and high steaks puns ahead.
| Butcher Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork | Poultry | Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | BBQ |
| Deli Jokes | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dog LOLs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Herb | Soup |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes, Culinary Beats | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons |
| Italian Food | 2 | 3 | Pasta Puns | Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Pirate Cuisine | Seafood Puns |
| Egg Jokes | Milk | Butter | Cheese Jokes | Cheese Gnomes | Ice Cream | Cookie Candy Puns |

After the Butcher Backed Into His Meat Grinder, He Got a Little Behind in His Work.Attempting to sell me cold cuts, I get a lot of calls from deli marketers.A butcher tried standup comedy, but he didn't make the cut.

Q. How did the butcher's conference begin?
A. With a meat and greet.

Slogan at the local meat market: A good butcher knows how to handle his meat.

Q. What is it called when a butcher suddenly quits his job?
A. Going cold turkey.

Q. How can you tell a night watchman and a butcher apart?
A. One stays awake, and the other weighs a steak.

Q. What did the frustrated butcher say when he discovered he didn't have the right utensil to cut through the side of beef?
A. Knife's too short.

Q. What happened when the butcher decided to make sausage from sea bird meat?
A. It was a tern for the wurst.

Q. What do butchers call a phobia of German sausage?
A. Fearing the Wurst!

Q. Whis Medieval knight was a butcher?
A. Sir Loin.

Q. What is every butcher's favorite song lyric?
A. Is it meat you're looking for?

Q. What happens when two butchers fall in love?
A. They live together in holy meatrimony!

Meat Market Customer: I'll have two pork chops, and make them lean.
Butcher: Okay. Which way?

Q. How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A. Meet Patty!

Q. Where do cows get together? A. At the meet market!Butchers link sausage to make ends meet.Q. What would happen if pigs cuold fly? A. The price of bacon would skyrocket!

Q. What did the butcher say to the vegan?
A. Sorry, I can't listen to your rantings right now, while more important things are at steak.

Q. What did the butcher say to his mistress when it was over?
A. We have to stop meating like this.

Q. What does a butcher call a cow up on a hill?
A. High steaks.

Q. What do your butcher call it when criminals are being fed awful sheep meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.

Butcher Shop Slogan: Seven days without meat makes one weak.

Q. Which song to butchers sing on the job?
A. Gristle While You Work.

Q. How was the Transylvanian butcher murdered?
A. A steak through the heart.

Q. Why was the anti social guy fired from his job at the butcher store?
A. He just wasn't meating enough people.

Q. What is a Scottish butcher's favorite song?
A. I've Got Plenty of Mutton.

Q. What did the beef steak gossip say to the pork chop at the meat market?
A. Did you meet Frank's new girlfriend, Patty? I hear they're engaged to be marinated.

Q. What do the butcher get when he crossed a pig and a tortoise?
A. A slow pork!

Q. Why wouldn't the baker play poker with the guys at the butcher shop?
A. Because the steaks were too high.

Q. What did the butcher say when she found a penny on the street?
A. That's better than mutton!

Q. What is a cow's favorite deli meat? A. Bull-ogna!You might be from Littleton if you go to Ton'y's Meat Market to gt bones for your dog!I bet my butcher $50 he couldn't reach meat on the top shelf. He said, "No. Those steaks are too high."

Q. What is the slogan at the new Green Bay bodybuilder gym that's exclusively for for butchers and meat packers?
A. Beef-It!

Q. Why did the meat packer give up his gig at the comedy club?
A. Because he butchered all his jokes.

Q. Why did the butcher comedian do so well at Denver Comedy Works?
A. 'Cause he was a real cut-up!

Q. Why did the butcher decide not to cross the road?
A. He didn't want to brisket!

Q. What did the butcher get when he crossed a dog and a cow?
A. Hound Beef!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the meat market?
A. To get a spare rib.

Q. A weed grow next to the butcher shop was on fire. How did Denver TV news describe the scene?
A. High steaks!

Q. Why was the butcher fired?
A. He kept playing with his meat in front of customers.

Q. How do you describe it when you miss the summer sale at the local meat market?
A. A big missed steak.

Butcher's Ode to Beef: Dear Beef, Hot coals are red, gas flames are blue, but when it comes to meat, all I want is you.

Q. How do gossipy bucthers spend their time?
A. They chew the fat.

Baloney Butcher Shop Point to Ponder: Is an argument between two vegans still called a beef?

Q. Where do pigs hook up? A. At the meet market!Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground BeefQ. What do you call a dark pig standing in the sun all day? A. Smoked sausage!

Q. How do the butcher throw the best pig roast ever?
A. He went whole hog!

Q. What do you get from the snooty butcher if you ask for a cut of pork?
A. The cold shoulder.

S-A-L-A-D: That's a funny way to spell Butcher Shop!

Q. Whay are German butchers such terrible comedians?
A. Because their jokes are the wurst.

Q. Why were the rib eye steaks in the butcher's meat locker embarrassed?
A. They saw the salad dressing.

Q. What is a great name for a butcher?
A. Chuck.

Q. What do butchers call it when a vegetarian reverts to eating meat again?
A. Losing one's veg-inity!

Q. What is it called when you have a serious problem with your butcher?
A. A big beef.

Q. What does your butcher go camping in?
A. A Wiener-Bago!

Q. Why didn't the butcher comedian tell jokes about sausages?
A. Because they're the deli wurst.

Q. What do customers call the lady butvher who screws up their orders?
A. Miss Steak.

Meat Market Customer: Is it proper to eat BBQ ribs with your fingers?
Butcher: No, fingers should be eaten separately!

You might be from Colorado if you highly recomment the Rocky Mountain Oysters to your visiting in-laws!If you think that restaurants overcook steaks, you probably rarely order.You might from Colorado if you will not touch Rocky Mountain Oysters, not even with a ten foot pole!

Q. Why did the old butcher decide to retire?
A. He was past his prime.

Did you hear about the butcher who couldn't login to a website using his new password: beefstew? The site error said: Password isn't stroganoff.

Red Hot Meat Market Humor: Brought a new grill home last night. She's a real gas and she's really hot, especially after you turn her on!

Q. Why do Alabama meat markets avoid buying Colorado beef?
A. Because the steaks are too, too high.

Q. What happens when a butcher laughs too hard?
A. He cow-lapses!

Q. Where do butchers go to dance?
A. The meatball.

Q. Which day of the week does your butcher dread most?
A. Meatless Monday.

Q. What do you call it when you get distracted by all the different meats at the butcher shop?
A. A short attention Spam.

Q. What is a butcher's favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
A. Born in the USDA.

Q. Why did the give up his dream of becoming a butcher?
A. He just didn't have the chops.

Q. How can a butcher tell if beef steaks have a high I.Q.?
A. They loin fast.

Q. How difficult is the butcher's recipe for making beef jerky?
A. It's cut and dry.

Q. Why did the butcher have to work so much overtime?
A. To make ends meat.

Q. Who is the horniest guy in town?
A. The butcher. He's always beating his meat.

Q. What do you call a sneaky thief who steals from a meat market?
A. A hamburgler.

Q. What did the butcher say at the end of a first date?
A. It was really nice meating you.

Q. What is a butcher's favorite fairy tale?
A. Hansel and Gristle.

Q. Why don't butchers like tofu or dildos?
A. Because they're meat substitutes.

Meaty Point to Ponder: Wouldn't you think there'd be more online butcher jokes about Spam?

Q. Where are the out-takes from the new butcher shop documentary?
A. On the cutting room floor.

Q. How did the butcher stop criminals from stealing beef at the meat market?
A. He used a burger alarm.

Did you hear about the butcher who slipped and broke his prime rib?

Q. What is it called a butcher spies on his competitor's meat market?
A. A steak out.

Patty: What do you do for a living?
Chuck: Im a butcher.
Patty: So, you have no heart?
Chuck: Are you criticizing me or placing an order?

Butcher Shop Point to Ponder: Did you know that cows are vegetarians so that you don't have to be?

Q. Which Star Wars jedi was a butcher?
A. Obi Wan Baloney.

| Butcher Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork | Poultry | Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | BBQ |
| Deli Jokes | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dog LOLs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Herb | Soup |
|
Foodie Humor | Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons |
| Italian Food | 2 | 3 | Pasta Puns | Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Pirate Cuisine | Seafood Puns |
| Egg Jokes | Milk | Butter | Cheese Jokes | Cheese Gnomes | Ice Cream | Cookie Candy Puns |
| Carrot Jokes | Peppers | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Salad | Tomato Jokes | Veggies |
| Fruit Humor | 2 | 3 | Apple Jokes | Banana Funs | 2 | 3 | Lemon | Orange Puns | Strawberry |
| Baker Jokes | 2 | Bread | Dessert Puns | 2 | Beverage | Coffee | 2 | Soda Funny | Beer | Wine |
| Snack Jokes | Halloween Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green Munchies |
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Vegetarian Jokes, Vegan Puns | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 |

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