Dieting Jokes, Diet Puns, Dieter Humor

Dieting Jokes, Weighty Puns, Dieter Humor
(Because "You Can Never Be Too Rich or Too Thin" Could Never Be TOO Mainstream in Hollywood or Colorado!)

What do you call an overweight alien? An extra cholesterol!

Q. What is a great name for a dietician? A. Eaton Wright!

Have you heard about the new garlic diet? You don't lose much weight but from a distance, friends think you look thinner.

The fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears, but now he's only eating foods with sorghums. OUCH!

Dieting Point to Ponder: If you change the color of your food, are you on a dye-it?

Q. What do you call a steady diet of Painful weight loss Puns?
A. A joke binge.

Q. Why did the frustrated blonde dieter refuse to swallow her pride?
A. 'Cause the last thing she needs right now is even more empty calories. Duh!

The shy dietician who had to give a speech about going vegetarian was very omnivorous about it.

Q. What does D.I.E.T. stand for?
A. Did I Eat That?

Q. What is the secret to writing successful diet books?
A. You have to have broad appeal to a very wide audience.

Diet Mantra of the Day: If you truly wish to become thinner, just diminish a portion of your dinner!

Q. What is the Rotation Diet?
A. Every time you turn around, you catch yourself eating.

A new study on obesity is looking for a larger test group to add to their growing body of research.

Q. What is the latest low carb fad diet?
A. Where you speed eat spaghetti while down on the floor.

Dieting Tip of the Day: You can't lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.

Diet Joke: Q. When should you go on a cheese diet? A. When you need to cheddar few pounds.

A Successful Diet Is: The Triumph of Mind Over Platter.

How do spacemen add more protien to their diet? They make it meteor.

Q. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A. A desserter!

Weight Loss Fact of the Day: Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Q. Why did the blonde eat so fast?
A. She wanted to eat all she could before she lost her appetite.

Dieting Point to Ponder: How can eating a two-pound box of chocolates make you gain ten pounds?

Q. Why didn't the blonde go on the All Almond Diet?
A. 'Cause she thought it was just nuts.

Q. What happened when the blonde went on a crash diet?
A. She crashed into two cars and took out a telephone pole!

Dietary Groan of the Day: Gluten, putting the die back into diet.

Diet Diary, Day 1: I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious!

Q. Why do successful dieters like TV dinners?
A. Because they watch what they eat.

Q. What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?
A. One longs to eat and the other eats too long!

Successful Dieting Thought of the Day: Always remember that stressed spelled backward is desserts.

Diet Failure of the Week: I'm on a whiskey diet and I've lost three days already!

Diet Pun: A Lot of Dieting Is Wishful Shrinking

Gorilla asks: Did you hear about the new banana diet? You don't lose much weight, but climbing trees is a breeze!

They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it because it was full of carbs.

Unhealthy: What thin people call you when you are fat, and fat people call you when you are thin...

Q. What is the Cottage Cheese Diet?
A. You just eat your curds and weigh.

Q. What do you call it when you blow your diet by eating a whole bag of Doritos?
A. A Snaccident!

Diet and Fitness Fact of the Day: If you're thin, don't eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat – fast.

Q. What is the typical man's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: How can empty calories possibly take up so much space?

Diet Failure of the Day: I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

Q. How do you know it's time to go on a diet?
A. Your muffin top now resembles a three-tier wedding cake.

Q. Why should you go to the paint store if you're on a diet?
A. Because you can get thinner there.

Did you hear about the new movie about the Atkins Diet? It's called, "Dude, Where's My Carbs."

Dieting Tip of the Day: Fasting does not mean eating fast food!

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: Is it just a coincidence that the word diet has the word die in it?

Diet Pun: People Don't Like Food Going To Waist.

Diet Meme: Gnome problem is too big, so he joined Weight Watchers.

Diet Humor: You don't gain weight by the minute at the dinner table, but by the seconds.

Diet Point to Ponder: If your dog is too fat, then perhaps you are not getting enough exercise? WOOF!

Diet True Dat of the Day: Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.

Diet and Fitness Success Story: A tarot card reader was a size 18 and gave sad readings a large portion of the time. After dieting, she's a size 12 and a happy medium again.

Diet True Dat of the Day: Dieting is a weigh of life.

Did you hear about the new diet clinic that claims it'll take your breadth away?

Q. Why shouldn't you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
A. Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Q. Why did the blonde dieter get kicked out of Fat Fighters at her first visit?
A. Because they did not offer sumo wrestling there.

Dear Diet,
Things just are working out between us. You are tasteless, boring, and I can't stop cheating on you!

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. – Henny Youngman

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: How many Skittles equal one serving of fruit?

Today's Effective Diet Tip: The best reducing exercise is to shake the head violently from side to side when offered a second helping.

Q. What does D.I.E.T. stand for?
A. Do I Eat Today?

Q. What is the definition of a diet?
A. When you have to go to a great length to change your width.

Dieting Wisdom of the Day: If you want to gain weight, get pizza to-go. If you're trying to lose weight, get your pizza to go away.

You've tasted the jokes, so here's more to chew on if you're still hungry
for laughter, dieting humor and fully painful puns to munch on at lunch:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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