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I was going to go running today, but nobody was chasing me!
They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it because it was full of carbs.
Gorilla asks: Did you hear about the new banana diet? You don't lose much weight, but climbing trees is a breeze!
Hulk Asks: What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose? A. Yoga Pants!

 


Fitness Jokes, Diet Puns, Wishful Shrinking Humor
Laugh your ass off with workout wisecracks, fad diet humor, and fittingly funny fitness jokes.

Workout Jokes, Fitness Humor, Fad Diet Puns
(Because Feeling Strongly About Funny Workout Jokes and Fitness Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream at the Gym!)
Warning: Fitness Failure Alert! Weighty humor, sn-accidental jokes, and powerful fitness puns ahead.
| Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 | Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes |
| Salad Jokes | Tasty Puns | Beefy Jokes | Dessert Jokes | Bakery Puns | Tex-Mex Food Jokes |
| Hot Dog Puns | Hamburger Jokes | Pizza Puns To Go | Beer Jokes | Wine Jokes | Coffee Jokes |
| Sports Jokes | Gym Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bodybuilder Jokes | Running Jokes | Sports Pick-Ups |
| Football Jokes | Broncos Jokes | Baseball Puns | Boxing Jokes | Skiing Jokes | Swimming Puns |

Diet Pun: A Lot of Dieting Is Wishful ShrinkingQ. Why did the gym close down? A. It just wasn't working out!Q. Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A. To get better buns!

Unhealthy: What thin people call you when you are fat, and fat people call you when you are thin...

Q. What is the Cottage Cheese Diet?
A. You just eat your curds and weigh.

Q. What do you get if you put the correct amount of protein, veggies, and carbs on a scale?
A. A balanced diet.

Q. What do chickens work on at the gym?
A. Their pecks!

Workout Wisecrack: Somebody call the Coroner! I just killed my workout!

Q. What is the secret to writing successful diet books?
A. You have to have broad appeal to a very wide audience.

Workout Wisecrack: I wish the gym had a stationary bike built for two.

Q. How did the wimpy personal trainer quit his job at the gym?
A. He handed in his too-weak notice.

Q. What do you call it when you blow your diet by eating a whole bag of Doritos?
A. A Snaccident!

Q. Why doesn't the Pizza Diet work?
A. 'Cause you be tryin' fitness in yo mouth.

Dieting Wisdom of the Day: If you want to gain weight, get pizza to-go. If you're trying to lose weight, get your pizza to go away.

Two chameleons walk into a gym. First one says, "Spot me, bro." His bud replies, "Who said that?"

Hulk Asks: How do Columbians develop muscle? A. By pushig drugs!Q. Which exercise do pirates do for great abs? A. Planks!Diet Meme: Gnome problem is too big, so he joined Weight Watchers.

Q. Why didn't any of the bodybuilders laugh at the Painful pre-workout Pun?
A. 'Cause it was a bit of a stretch.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you thirsty? 'Cause I've got a six-pack right here.

When The Hulk goes to the gym, the treadmill sweats!

Q. What is a swimmer's favorite sport?
A. Pool.

Workout Groan of the Day: The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money.

Diet and Fitness Tip of the Day: Always remember that stressed spelled backward is desserts.

Q. Why shouldn't you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
A. Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Q. What is the name of the classic spy thriller about obese people?
A. Tomorrow Never Diets.

Funny Fitness Failure: I love doing Crunches – Doritos, popcorn, pretzels...

Q. What is a blonde's idea of a balanced diet? A. A glass of wine in each hand!Diet Humor: You don't gain weight by the minute at the dinner table, but by the seconds.Q. How many bodybuilders does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. One to do it and two to chant "You're looking huge man, huge."

Diet and Fitness Success Story: A tarot card reader was a size 18 and gave sad readings a large portion of the time. After dieting, she's a size 12 and a happy medium again.

Funny Fitness Failure: When my grandfather turned 65, he started running a mile a day to stay fit. He's 75 now, but we have no idea where he is.

Gym Pick-Up Line Gone Wrong: Hey Babe, do you squat here often?

The best reducing exercise is to shake the head violently from side to side when offered a second helping.

Wow, I ran like five miles today! I did not think that ice cream truck would ever stop.

Q. Why should you suck it up and go on a diet now?
A. So you don't have to suck up twice as much later.

Q. What is a mortician's favorite workout?
A. Deadlifting.

Workout Gone Wrong: I did 50 squats today, and I still can't find my contact lens.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, the elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up!

Q. Why did the blind guy go the the gym?
A. He hoped to find a spotter.

What do you call an overweight alien? An extra cholesterol!The bodybuilder knew he was in love after experiencing strong feelings!I quit my gym becuase one of the instructors shouted at me, "come on man, you've got to want it" Come on push. Youcan do it." I hate being disturbed whn I'm taking a dump!

Q. What do you call an exercise that combines a lunge and a crunch?
A. Lunch!

Fitness Point to Ponder: According to my workout watch, I've masturbated for four miles.

Q. Why do vegans give good head?
A. 'Cause they're used to eating nuts.

Did you hear about the new diet clinic that claims it'll take your breadth away?

Q. Why did the blonde stop using her exercise bike?
A. Because she simply wasn't getting anywhere.

Workout Wisecrack: They say the best exercise is in the bedroom. Well, that's where I get the most resistance...

Did you hear about the blonde who went to the gym on her own Accord this morning. Well, why would she drive somebody else's car? Duh!

Workout Wisecrack: Remember, your brain needs exercise, too. So, spend lots of time thinking up excuses not to work out.

Q. What is the definition of a diet?
A. When you have to go to a great length to change your width.

Did you hear about the bodybuilder who took part in the sun tanning event at the Olympics? He only got the bronze.

Q. Why did the guy quit the crowded gym?
A. He was tired of the long weights.

| Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 | Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes |
| Salad Jokes | Tasty Puns | Beefy Jokes | Dessert Jokes | Bakery Puns | Tex-Mex Food Jokes |
| Hot Dog Puns | Hamburger Jokes | Pizza Puns To Go | Beer Jokes | Wine Jokes | Coffee Jokes |
| Sports Jokes | Gym Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bodybuilder Jokes | Running Jokes | Sports Pick-Ups |
| Football Jokes | Broncos Jokes | Baseball Puns | Boxing Jokes | Skiing Jokes | Swimming Puns |

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You're still pumped up, so here's another set of jokes that work out,
weighty humor, and powerful painful puns to laugh about in a crunch:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Blonde Jokes | Burger Puns | Cheesy Jokes | Chef Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Gnome Kidding! | Golfer Jokes |
| Hipster Jokes | Money Puns | Munchie Jokes | Music Jokes | Monster Puns | Pick-Up Lines | Pirate Puns |
| Sasquatch Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Tech Puns | Weak Day Humor | Weed Jokes | Zombie Puns |

Bartender Puns, Bar Humor Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Edible Puns, Fun with Food
Monstrously Funny Puns Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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