Painful Pun readers suffer in agony, as well. OUCH!
Whcih kind of underwear do distance runners wear?
What is the definitive definition of macho?
A. A guy who jogs home after having a vasectomy.
Running Joke: A guy bought a pricey new treadmill the other
day. It's really giving him a run for the money.
What do they call the marathon runner who only wins when
it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining champion.
Why did the marathon runner sprint at the beginning of the
A. His pacemaker was malfunctioning.
What did the blonde runner drink when she was in last place?
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
do you know somebody has run a marathon? Don't worry, they'll
– Jimmy Fallon
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psychopath!
Why did the blonde run backward?
A. She wanted to gain weight.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the
What do you call the punishment the crook was given, where
he had to run on a treadmill while in lockup?
A. A run-on sentence.
Fit Workout: I ran twice today! First, I ran out
to get beer and tacos, then I had to run to the
Why is it impossible to win a race against a runner from
A. 'Cause before you even start, they are already Finnish.
Point to Ponder: Doc said I should I should exercise on
top of a healthy diet. Wouldn't a treadmill make better
Why did the gnome barber win the race?
A. He took a short cut!
Who invented marathon running?
A. The human race.
still feel 30, except when I try to run.
– Bob Newhart
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
A. Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to
What do runners eat before a big race?
A. Fast food.
Turtle Joke of the Day: Rabbits hate relay batons. Pass
you hear about the guy who decided to hop on a
treadmill at the gym? People gave him weird looks, so he
decided to run instead.
How do you know you're a dedicated runner?
A. Your treadmill has more miles on it than your car does.
like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy gnome
– Some Blonde, Duh!
Why do garden gnomes giggle when they run?
A. The grass tickles their balls.
Which veggie won when the lettuce and carrot raced against
the tortoise and the hare?
A. The lettuce was always a head.