Q. What is it called when a rapper goes to the gym for a quick workout?
A. A Lil' Pump.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you thirsty? 'Cause I've got a six-pack right here.

Gym Joke of the Day: Gymnasium means naked exercise in ancient Greek. But don't try that line on the health club receptionist!

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, wanna sit on my lap while I use the rowing machine?

Workout Wisecrack: I would tell you a gym joke, but you'll have to weight for it...

Q. Which Bruce Willis prequel film was never released?
A. Diet Hard.

Funny Fitness Failure: I forgot to go to yoga yesterday. That makes five years in a row...

Q. Why did the blonde bodybuilder change her workout clothes?
A. Somebody said she was ripped.

Workout Wisdom: Never even attempt to do squats on Taco Tuesday!

Q. What do you call guys who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons.

Q. What does a bodybuilder do for cardio?
A. He lifts weights faster.

Funny Fitness Failure: Remember, your brain needs exercise, too. So, spend lots of time thinking up excuses not to work out.

Q. Why was the blonde hiding from exercise?
A. Because she was in the Fitness Protection Program.

Q. Why did the blonde get kicked out of the gym during kickboxing class?
A. 'Cause the gym didn't have a kickboxing class!

Gym Pick-Up Line: Did you take your Flintstones vitamin today? 'Cause I wanna make your Bedrock.

Q. Why did the gym have a really hard time attracting new members?
A. It was on the third floor of a building without an elevator.

Q. Which exercises did ancient Romans do to keep in shape?
A. Pontius Pilates.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Did you see the latest health report? It said you should increase your intake of vitamin ME!

Q. If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
A. Ten after one.

Fitness Point to Ponder: Does Chuck Norris leave potholes when he jogs?

Workout Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the guy who died from a lack of exercise? He didn't even run when he saw the bus coming at him.

I was standing in front of the mirror admiring my six pack, but then it started to get warm, so I put it back into the refrigerator.

Un-Fit Groan of the Day: My six-pack is protected by a layer of fat. EW!

Q. What is the Rotation Diet?
A. Every time you turn around, you catch yourself eating.

Dieting Tip of the Day: You can't lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.

Q. Why did the blonde go on the All Almond Diet?
A. Because she thought it sounded nutty!

Diet Mantra of the Day: If you truly wish to become thinner, just diminish a portion of your dinner!

Q. What makes a bodybuilder smile at the gym?
A. Face muscles!

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, this eliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.

Diet Point to Ponder: If so many women reduce and reduce, why don't they ever become a bargain?

When The Hulk works out, he doesn't sweat. The weights do...

Somebody, call the cops! I think I just killed my workout!

Gym Pick-Up Line: Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kicking!

Diet True Dat of the Day: Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.

A sign at my gym reads: Nothing Is Impossible!" Yeah, nothing except trying to cancel your gym membership...

Q. Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted?
A. Because he was squatting!

Q. How can you tell you haven't gained all that much weight since high school?
A. You can still fit in the same earrings you bought your first year of college.

Q. How do you know you're allergic to junk food?
A. You break out in fat.

Fitness Philosophy Failure: I've accepted the fact that being cremated is the only way I'll ever have a smokin' hot body.

Q. What is the latest low carb fad diet?
A. Where you speed eat spaghetti while down on the floor.

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