A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.   PainfulPuns.com - Edible Puns, Funny Food, Chef Humor, Java Jokes!

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Have you heard about the new garlic diet? You don't lose much weight but from a distance, friends think you look thinner.
Q. Where does a pickle go for a fw drinks? A. The salad bar!
Alien Chef Says: Zoz! It's Tasty Tuesday!

 


Lettuce Jokes, Salad Puns, Leaf Veggie Humor
Nibble on funny lettuce jokes, leafy green veggie puns, and crisp green garden salad humor.

Salad Jokes, Veggie Humor, Salad Dressing Puns
(Because Leafy Green Puns and Cafeteria Food Fights Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Tossed Salad Lovers!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Crisp salad humor may cause crunchy green grins and healthy smiles.
| Salad Jokes | Carrots | Peppers | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Tomato Jokes | Veggie |
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Vegetarian Jokes, Vegan Puns | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes, Culinary Beats | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons |
| Italian Food Puns | 2 | 3 | Restaurant Humor | 2 | 3 | Tex-Mex Jokes | Colorado Cuisine Jokes |

Q. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A. Because it's all heart!Q. How do you murder a salad? A. Go for the carrot-id artery!ET Chef Asks: What pick-up line did the bacon use on the tomato? A. Lettuce get together!

Q. What does an artichoke say when you eat salad?
A. Aw, have a heart!

Salad Point to Ponder: If you wear cowboy boots and western wear, are you ranch dressing?

Q. Why did the man from Oz eat artichokes?
A. He sought heart.

Historical Salad Fact: Did you know any salad can become Caesar salad? Yes, if you stab it enough times...

Q. What is the extra charge for the side salad at the golf course clubhouse?
A. A greens fee.

Nobody likes bland salad. That's a problem that needs a-dressing.

Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A Salad Shooter.

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. What did the salad say to the anchovie?
A. Lettuce be friends.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red? A. Because it saw the the salad dressing.When the teacher lectured avout leafy green veggies, the pupil learned a chard lesson!What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic? Iceberg

I could have sworn I heard giggling coming out of my salad. It must have been the tickled onions!

Q. Why did the tomato and the corn fall in love?
A. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Q. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the fridge door?
A. Hey, close the door. I'm dressing!

A man goes to his doctor with a piece of lettuce stuck in his ear. Doc shakes his head and says, "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

Q. What do you call a hen with a piece of lettuce in her eye?
A. Chicken sees-a salad.

Going Greens Groan of the Day: When my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I want to know is what I did wrong.

Q. Why did the finicy vegan chef quit? A. they cut his celery!What is the difference between spinach & boogers? Kids won't eat spinach.Et Chef Asks: How weird is it if a chef uses a sieve or a colander? A. Stainer things have happened!

Q. What is a penguin's favorite salad ingredient?
A. Iceberg Lettuce.

Q. What is the difference between a salad and a baby?
A. Nobody gets hurt when you toss a salad.

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. What does a guy with clogged arteries say about the first course?
A. Salad? That's what my food eats...

Green Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you salad? 'Cause I think I'm falling in lovage.

Q. Which will win the salad race: the lettuce, a faucet, or a tomato?
A. The lettuce is a head, the faucet is still running, and the tomato will eventually ketchup.

Q. What does the carrot priest say at Easter time? A. Lettuce pray!Q. What is a honeymoon salad? A. Lettuce alone with no dressing.Why did the farmer quit? His celery wasn't high enough!

Q. What does the host of a TV cooking competition say to begin the food fighting?
A. Lettuce Begin!

Q. Why was the veggie salad in a vulnerable position?
A. Because it was undressed.

Murphy's Slaw: If Cabbage can go rotten, it will.

Leafy Green Pick-Up Line: Whoa baby! It looks like heaven must be missing an ambrosia salad.

Q. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A. Quit stalking me!

Salad Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, if f you're the first course, I'd like my salad undressing.

Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

Knock knock. Who's there?
Distressing. Distressing who?
Distressing has too much vinegar.

Q. What is a salad chef's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.

| Salad Jokes | Carrots | Peppers | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Tomato Jokes | Veggie |
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Vegetarian Jokes, Vegan Puns | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons | Foodie Humor |
| Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Italian Food | 2 | 3 | Pizza Jokes | Pasta Puns | Take Out Food |
| Butcher Jokes | Steak Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork Jokes | Poultry Puns | BBQ Grill Jokes |
| Deli Jokes | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dog LOLs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Herb | Soup |
| Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | Seafood Puns | Pirate Eats | Cop Cuisine | Breakfast Jokes |
| Egg Jokes | Milk | Butter | Cheese Jokes | Cheese Gnomes | Ice Cream | Cookie Candy Puns |
| Fruit Humor | 2 | 3 | Apple Jokes | Banana Funs | 2 | 3 | Lemon | Orange Puns | Strawberry |
| Baker Jokes | 2 | Bread | Dessert Puns | 2 | Beverage | Coffee | 2 | Soda Funny | Beer | Wine |
| Snack Jokes | Halloween Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green Munchies |


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You've sampled the first course, so here's more crisp humor, greens grins,
well-dressed jokes, and un-be-leaf-able painful puns to toss around later:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Alien Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Craft Beer Jokes | Daily Puns | Farmer Jokes | Gambling Jokes | Gym Jokes |
| Hipster Humor | Love Puns | Magic Jokes | Marriage Jokes | Money Jokes | Music Jokes | Psychic Jokes |
| Rodent Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Toilet Paper Jokes | Tree Jokes | Weed Jokes |

Garden Puns, Green Groaners Bartender Puns, Bar Humor Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns
Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners! Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves

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