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Q. Why are rivers always rich? A. Because they have two banks.
I Just Got Garden Supplies at Gnome Depot.
Q. What is your lawn's favorite day of the week? A. Dews-Day!
Some River Valleys Are Absolutely Gorges.

Q. What do you call a bank that also carries gardening supplies? A. A savings and loam!
Q. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? A. H-ornaments!
Q How are Christmas trees like bad knitters? A. They both keep losing their needles!

 


Tree Jokes, Woody Puns, Orchard Humor
Branch out to wooded jokes, fall humor, leafy laughs and a trunk-load of tree puns to bark at.

Sappy Tree Jokes, Leaf Humor, Pine Puns
(Because Leafless Tree Jokes and Wood Chipper Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Stumped!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Deciduous jokes, tree ring humor, and a bough-nty of coniferous puns ahead.
| Tree Jokes and Pine Puns | Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns |
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |

Q. How can you tell if a tree is nomadic? A. It packs up its trunk and leaves.The tree trimmers did a great job! They really should take a boughA guy drove his expensive car into a tree, and found out how the Mercedes Bends.

Q. Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
A. It's acorny one!

A Colorado Blue Spruce walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You better leave." When the tree doesn't leaf, the barkeep says, "You must take me for a sap!" Tree replies, "Stop barking and pour me a logger!"

Sappy Riddle of the Day: It's evergreen and related to the pine, but has no cones. Perhaps yew can tell me just what conifer tree it is?

Q. Did you hear the latest pun about the fruitless crab apple tree?
A. It'll leaf you laughing!

Q. Why was the tree drooling?
A. Because it was a Dogwood.

Q. How can you tell if a tree is a Dogwood?
A. By its bark!

Q. In semi-arid Colorado, how do natives know it's time to turn on your sprinklers and water the landscape?
A. Fur trees are whistling for dogs!

Q. What do you call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
A. Arbor-ista.

Q. How does a method actor portray a silent tree?
A. By plant-omime.

Q. What is a tree's least favorite month of the year?
A. Sep-timber!

Q. How can you tell your landscape tree guy is happy?
A. He's looking very chipper.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite garden plant?
A. A bone-zai tree.

Q. How do trees in Colorado get on the Internet?
A. They log onto the Wood Wide Web.

Q. Why are skeletons good at chopping down trees?
A. They're Lumbar-jacks!

What do you get if you cross a bullet with a leafless tree? A Cartridge In A Bare TreeQ. What did the tree say to the wind? A. Leaf me alone!Q. What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A. A Palm Tree

Q. What do you call it when the senate strikes down an act to protect trees?
A. An axe of congress.

Q. What did the lightning bolt say to the Colorado Blue Spruce?
A. Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary spark!

Garden Factoid: After winter, all the trees are both relieved and releafed!

Q. Where do poems come from?
A. Poe-trees.

Q. What did the big rodent say to the conifer tree near Beaver Creek, Colorado?
A. I'ts been nice gnawing you, Woody!

Q. What does a gardener call a collection of fruit trees that's being badly neglected?
A. A tortured orchard.

Q. What did the nut tree in Brazil say when it sneezed?
A. Cashew!

The recent windstorm through the trees was an absolute de-barkle.

Q. What is it called when you covertly listen to foliage falling in the fall?
A. Leaves-dropping.

A lot of trees were dying, but to save them, experts needed to figure out the root of the problem.

Q. What do trees wear to pool parties?
A. Swimming trunks.

Q. What happened when the gardener decided to plant only nectarines trees?
A. Everything went peachy keen.

Q. Why did the big oak tree fall onto a computer?
A. It wanted to log in!

Q. Who wrote the book, Caring For A Nutty Orchard?
A. Phil Burt Tree.

Q. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a tree?
A. Arithme-sticks.

Q. What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? A. Babe Root!Q. How do crazy people go through the woods? A. They take the psycho path.Q. What do you get when you cross Batman with a tree? A. Spruce Wayne!

Q. What do thirsty garden trees like to drink?
A. Root Beer.

Q. How do you know acorns like math?
A. Because when they grow up, they say, "Gee, I'm a tree."

Q. Why did the leaf blower quit his low-paying job?
A. Because the gardener was raking it all in.

Q. Which day of the week do pine trees like the best?
A. FirsDay.

Q. Why did the lumberjack need to see a dentist?
A. He had a cavi-tree.

Q. Why did the old oak tree need to see a dentist?
A. For a root canal.

Garden Groan of the Day: For this green growner tree pun, we had to go out on a limb and branch out to some higher sources.

Q. If money really did grow on trees, what would everyone's favorite season be?
A. Fall.

Horticulturist Point to Ponder: If trees could @#$%! you, wood they?

Q. If fruit comes from fruit trees, where do chickens come from?
A. Poul trees!

Q. What did the apple tree say to the caterpillar?
A. Leaf me alone!

Did you hear about the company that delivers wood fragments very quickly? They even do overnight chipping.

Q. Why did Batman climb a tree?
A. He was looking for teenage Robin's love nest (and Playbird Magazine).

Q. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?
A. May the Forrest Be With You.

Q. What did the polite gardener say to Edgar Allan Poe to quickly warn him that he's about to walk into a Blue Spruce?
A. Poetry!

Q. What's a skeleton's favorite plant?
A. A spine tree.

Q. How can you tell it's time to water the landscape in your front yard?
A. Every dog in the neighborhood has stopped by to water your tree!

Q. How does a tree use a computer?
A. It logs on!

Q. What do you call the first profits made from maple syrup? A. A drop in the bucket!Q. What do you call wood when it's scared? A. Petrified!Q. Which national parks icon do locksmiths trust to preven forest fires? A. Smokey the Bear!

Q. What is a baker's favorite kind of tree?
A. Pastry.

Q. Which type of tree is most commonly found in a gardener's kitchen?
A. A Pantry.

Q. What happened after the tree got engaged?
A. She wanted to show off her ring.

Pick Up a Lawn-Mowing Man Line: Hey little man, is your name Lief? 'Cause I'd like to to blow you.

Q. What did the leaves say to the garden gnome?
A. Blow me!

Q. Which kind of small trees did the locksmith use to landscape his yard?
A. Mesquite.

Q. What did the little sapling say to the math teacher?
A. Gee, I'm a Tree!

Q. Which tree monster grows in the forest?
A. Frankenpine.

Q. What is very scary and hangs from trees in the jungle?
A. Frankenvines.

Q. Why did a skeleton climb a tree?
A. Because a dog wanted his bones.

Q. What is it called when a cruciferous tree feels an eerie prickly sensation?
A. Pine-tingling.

Did you hear about the urban gnome that was afraid of gardening? He moved to the burbs and then he grew a pear.

Q. What is the last thing a hard-working gardener gnome does?
A. He leaves.

Q. What has no fingers, but has many rings?
A. A tree.

Q. How do trees get onto the Internet?
A. They log in!

Q. Why was the little pine tree in trouble?
A. It was being knotty.

Did you hear about the successful bonzai grower? His next project is a miniature golf course.

Q. Who wrote the book, Evergreens Of The Desert?
A. June Epp Per.

Orchard Pick-Up Line: Hey man, do these plums feel ripe to you?

Q. What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
A. Geometry.

Q. How do Coloradans treat tourists from the Pine Tree State?
A. They always mind their Maine-ers.

Q. Did you see the last gardening joke about the tree?
A. It'll leaf you laughing.

Q. Why can't Christmas trees stand alone? A. They don't have legs!Q. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? A. Because the presents beneath them!Q. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? A. They always drop their needles!

The winter was difficult on the trees, but in the spring they were re-leafed.

Winter Chat Up Line: Baby, if you were a tree, you'd be an evergreen 'cause I bet you look this great all year long.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Baby, do you need a tree topper? 'Cause I've been told I'm a star on top.

Q. What did the beaver say before cutting down a Colorado Blue Spruce Christmas tree?
A. Nice gnawing yew!

Xmas Eve Pick-Down Line: Save a Tree! Eat a Beaver.

Q. What do you call cutting down an Xmas tree?
A. Christmas chopping.

Q. Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer?
A. Spruce Springsteen.

Christmas Tree Pick-Up Line: Babe, is your name Carol? 'Cause I've fallen for you.

Punny Christmas Pick Up Line: Hey Baby, let's pretend to be presents and get laid under the tree.

Christmas Hookup Line: Hey girl, wanna come over to my place and light up my yule log?

Q. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree and an apple?
A. A pineapple.

Q. Why do woodland Christmas trees wear fir?
A. Because it's at the end of Decembrrr.

Q. Why was the ornament addicted to Christmas?
A. It had been hooked on trees its whole life!

Q. Which kind of Christmas tree is pure evil?
A. Luci-fir.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, you're an angel, so why aren't you on top of my tree?

| Tree Jokes and Pine Puns | Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns |
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |

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