Q. What did the garden sculpture say when he caust sight of his long lost twin?
A. Hey statue?

Q. Why did the blonde hang a decorative curtain in her veggie garden?
A. 'Cause it was the awning of the age of asparagus. DUH!

Q. Whatis it called when a rice grower is assasinated by being conked in the head with a garden figurine?
A. A knickknack paddy whack.

Gnome Pick Up Line: Hey dude, that point on your head really makes my toes curl up.

Q. Which garden statue decorates Darth Vader's yard?
A. Mannequin Skywalker.

Q. How did the guy finally realize his garden statue fetish was getting out of control?
A. He hit rock bottom.

Q. Why do naked Greek god garden statues have a hard life?
A. 'Cause they are always erect.

Q. What happened to the theif who stole all the head garden statues out of his neighbo's yard?
A. He got busted.

Q. Which comedic movie was about a rosy-colored flower container?
A. The Pink Planter.

Q. Who creates garden statues of the heads of famous dead people?
A. Ghost busters.

Q. How do you describe a particularly nice statue displayed in a mansion's garden?
A. Marble-ous.

Garden Decor Point to Ponder: Would it be funny to tell a joke about a small bird sculpture carved out of a tree limb, or wooden tit?

Q. Why did the blonde buy another set of wind chimes to hang in her yard?
A. 'Cause it was a sound investment. DUH!

Q. What did the neighbor say to the noisy wind chimes next door?
A. Don't take that tone with me!

Q. Why are there so many decorative wind chmes in Chicago?
A. Because it's the Windy City.

Q. How hard is it to add decorative wind chmes to your yard?
A. It's a breeze.

Q. Which kind of garden statue is well-dressed and has a great sense of rhythm?
A. A metro gnome.

Q. How was the outdoor elf on the shelf murdered on Christmas Eve?
A. He was hung by the neck on a Colorado blue spruce tree

Q. What does a garden gnome call a lawn decoration with a naked lady on it?
A. A lawn whorenament.

Q. How can you tell a horny gnome has been using your lawn mower?
A. Your astro-turf welcome mat has been trimmed into a come mat.

Gnome Garden Factoid of the Day: Your grass cannot be three feet tall, because then it would be a yard!

Q. Why do leprechauns giggle while they run through your garden?
A. Because the grass tickles their balls.

Q. What is it called when there's a whole group of tacky pink bird ornaments in a yard?
A. Fla-mingling.

Q. Why did the blonde put a bandage on her flamingo lawn ornament?
A. 'Cause it hurt its pinky. DUH!

Q. What do you call a pink flamingo lawn ornament standing by a red light?
A. A flamin-stop.

Q. What do you use to transport a bunch of pink bird decorations around in your yard?
A. A flami-go cart.

Q. Which kind of pink lawn ornament sings opera?
A. Placido Flamingo.

Q. Why are some garden gnome statues R-rated?
A. Because they're into insects and violets.

Q. What did the garden gnome think when flowers without heads mysteriously appeared in the garden every night?
A. He thought he must be being stalked.

Did you hear about the urban gnome that was afraid of gardening? He moved to the burbs and then he grew a pear.

Q. What is the term for descrbing small garden statues from Norway?
A. Gnomenclature.

Q. What did Hermes do after he vandalized Greek garden statues?
A. He Apollo-gized.

Garden Decor Groan of the Day: My neighbor is now diplaying a statue of a penis in his backyard. He erected it yesterday.

Q. Why did the garden statue feature an 11-inch-long hand?
A. 'Cause if it was 12 inches, it would be a foot.

Q. Why can't garden statues in a cannabis field be moved?
A. 'Cause they're stoned.

Q. Why did the jerk enjoy his backyard bird feeder so much?
A. He said it doubled as a cat feeder.

Q. What happened after a blonde put Red Bull in the hummingbird feeder?
A. She saw a bird actually travel back in time.

Q. How do you mend an ailing pink flamingo lawn ornament?
A. With a tweetment.

Pick Up a Garden Gnome Line: Hey little man, is your name GNorm? 'Cause you have enormous appeal.

Q. What is the opposite of a pink flamingo?
A. A red flamingstopl

Q. Which Florida lawn ornament was part of the '60s British invasion?
A. Pibk Fla-Ringo Starr.

Q. Which kind of garden decoration is used as a control in scientific testing?
A. Placebo Flamingo.

Q. What are tacky pink plastic lawn ornaments in Australia called?
A. Fla-dingos.

Q. Which side of a flamingo lawn decoration has the most feathers?
A. Neither. It's plastic!

Q. Why are some pink flamingo lawn ornamen5s standing on one leg?
A. 'Cause otherwise they'd fall over.

Midnight Gnome Pick Up Line: Hey Gnirl, let's make like gnomes and wake up in the front lawn.

Q. When do big boys and girls jump on the trampoline?
A. Spring Break.

Outdoor Accessory Bummer of the Day: Our backyard trampoline died today. RIP...

Q. What happened after the guy put his foot through the trampoline in his yard?
A. He's had a spring in his step ever since.

Q. What should you wear while enjoying the trampoline in your yard?
A. A jumpsuit.

Neighbor: How do you like the new trampoline in your yard?
Guy On the Other Side of the Fence: It has its ups and downs.

Q. Why was the boss at the trampoline store fired?
A. He paid the staff with bounced checks.

Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, can I see your pointy hat and passport? 'Cause you've been roaming through my mind all day.

Q. What do marauding avians use to break into a birdhouse?
A. A crow bar.

Q. What is alchohol in a birdbath called?
A. Tequila Mockingbird.

Q. Why did the blonde put thistle seed pods in a saucer in her backyard?
A. She wanted to make a burr bath.

Q. Which kind of avian steals the soap from the birdbath?
A. A robber ducky.

Q. How much do decorative backyard birdhouses cost?
A. They're fairly cheep.

Q. Which lawn ornament plays the drums?
A. Fla-Ringo Starr.

Q. Why couldn't the gardener move the statue of a pagan god?
A. 'Cause it remained idol.

Gnome Hookup Line: Wow, there's a gnome in the road. I think I'll go pick him up.

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