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Happy Firs Day!
Q. What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A. A Palm Tree
Q. What is your lawn's favorite day of the week? A. Dews-Day!

Q. What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A. A Fence!


Garden Plant Jokes, Flora Humor, Growing Laughs
Grow along with budding laughs, leafy green plant puns, and tree-mendous garden jokes.

Flora-ble Puns, Gardening Jokes, Planting Humor
(Because Plant Jokes and Fora Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream During Your Tour of the Botanical Garden!)
Warning: Pro-Seed with Caution! Blooming plant jokes, frond-ly grins, budding LOLs and deep-rooted puns ahead.
| Plant Jokes and Flora-ble Puns | Lawn Weed LOLs | Garden Decor Jokess | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Veggie Garden Puns | Garden Patch Jokes | Garden Animal Jokes | Neighborhood Humor |
| Gardening Jokes and Bloomin Funny Garden Puns | Gardener Jokes | Gardener Come-Ons |

Q. why did a gardener plant a light bulb? A. He wanted to grow a power plant!
Q. What happened when a guy fell in love with his garden? A. It made him wed his plants!
Q. What did the alien dandelion say to the earth dandelion? A. Take Me To Your Weeder!

Q. What did one hungry garden plant say to its neighbor?
A. I could use a light snack.

Q. How is a Bach concerto like a green growing garden plant?
A. Both are organic.

Q. What do healthy plants say to encourage a weary gardener?
A. Peat, I be-leaf in you!

Q. What does a comedian flower plant say after it tells a teaser joke?
A. Not! I was just pollen your leg.

Green Wisdom: Gardening is just another day at the plant!

Q. Which type of garden plant sounds like it was recently on the losing end of a fight?
A. The Black-Eyed Susan.

When the gardener's wife said she was leaving him because of his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

Q. What is it called when a flower plant gives head?
A. Floral.

Q. Which variety of flower plant swears?
A. Hibiscusses.

Q. Which kind of show do quiet flora fans really dig?
A. Plantomime.

Q. What did the dandelion seed head say to razz the gardener?
A. Blow me!

Q. Why are there so few good invasive plant jokes?
A. Because weeds are no laughing matter.

Q. What did the petunia say to the weed growing beside it?
A. Move over, Bud!

Q. Whcih kind of lawn seed do cutting-edge comedians prefer in their turf?
A. Wry grass.

Q. What does a thirsty lawn do to survive through dry spells?
A. It has to make dew.

Hulk Asks: What do you call a horny stoner? A. A Weed Whacker!
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A Rash of Good Luck
Q. How can you tell if a tree is nomadic? A. It packs up its trunk and leaves.

Q. Did you hear the latest gardening joke about the cannabis plants?
A. It'll leaf you laughing.

Garden Plant Rap of the Day: Sedges, like hedges have edges. Grasses, like asses, have holes...

Q. Why is botany such a tough subject?
A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

Today's Gardening Factoid: The research assistant couldn't experiment with plants because he hadn't botany.

Q. What did the gardener say to her new unurly snapdragon plants?
A. You're grounded!

Q. What did the homeowners do before installing their new landscaping?
A. A little ground work.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A. You don't want to press your luck.

Q. How did the camper end up with a poison ivy rash in his hair?
A. It was a real head-scrathcer.

Q. What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
A. You scratch my beak, I'll scratch yours.

Q. What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
A. The arbor-ate-em.

Q. Which kind of house plants are flies afraid of?
A. Spider plants!

Plant Lovers Pick Up Line: Are you a botanist? 'Cause I'm lichen you!

Q. How does a method actor portray a silent tree?
A. By plant-omime.

Q. Why did the greenhouse worker quit her job?
A. 'Cause it just wasn't growing anywhere.

Q. What happened after a garden plant took a math class?
A. It grew square roots!

Growing Groan of the Day: When the garden plant couldn't absorb water properly, it sought a xylem.

Q. Why is plant science attractive to fugitives?
A. Botony gives you xylem.

Garden Plant Point to Ponder: Do botanists have all the anthers?

Q. What do you call a dispute over young flowers? A. A budding war!
Pot Smoking Gnome Pick-Up Line: If I had a garden, I'd put my tulips and your two lips together.
Happy Burrs Day!

Q. Which beer do plant enthusiaists and botanists prefer?
A. Budweiser!

Q. What do you call it when your begonia plant never blooms?
A. A bud omen.

Q. Which kind of flowers grow in outer space?
A. Sunflowers, moonflowers, and cosmos!

Q. What do you get if you cross a burglar and a plant with purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.

Q. Which kind of flowering plants attract beneficial insects to the garden?
A. Bee-gonias.

Q. Which kind of plant can whistle the best?
A. Tulips.

Q. What did the flowering plant use an online dating app?
A. It was looking for some-buddy to love.

Q. Which liquid plant food is a treat for flowers?
A. Root beer.

Q. Why didn't the feminist blonde gardener pull out one particular kind of unwanted plant?
A. 'Cause it was chickweed. DUH!

"Weed 'Em and Reap" is funny, but if you accidentally pull out your wife's flower plants it's: "Weed 'Em and Weep," and that's not funny at all.

Q. Which unwanted garden plant is truly something to sneeze at?
A. Ragweed.

Q. Which little plant likes to invade trendy, stylish gardens?
A. Chic-weed.

Q. Which melody will you hear when your neighbor is yanking out unwanted plants?
A. Thistle While You Work.

Q. What did the gardener say to the invasive bindweed?
A. Let grow of me, @#$%!

Q. What did the new upstart plant nursery ultimately suffer?
A. Growing pains.

What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks? A Fun-Gi
Q. Which plant likes Halloween the most? A. Bam-Boo!
Q. What is a three-season bed? A. One without a spring.

Q. Why is the body of that particular plant considered vulgar?
A. Because it's a thallic symbol.

Q. Why did a Brontosaurus devour the factory?
A. Because they were plant eaters.

Q. What do plant cheerleaders say to encourage their garden plants?
A. We're rooting for you!

Backyard Botany Point to Ponder: With fronds like this, who needs anemones?

Q. Where do they make strawberries?
A. At the strawberry plant.

Q. Which kind of flower generates energy?
A. A power plant.

Plant Lovers Pick Up Line: Are you a botanist? 'Cause I'm lichen you!

Today's Gardening Fact: You can't plant flowers, if you've haven't botany.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dog with a blooming garden plant?
A. A collie-flower!

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite garden plant?
A. A bone-zai tree.

Q. What's a skeleton's favorite woody plant?
A. A spine tree.

Q. What do you call the specialized terminology used by botanists who study frond-bearing plants
A. Fern-acular.

Q. Where do young garfen plants go to school?
A. Kinder-garden.

Gardener Parenting Point to Ponder: If you yell at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Q. What did the Monarch ask the plants in the butterfly garden?
A. Got milkweed?

Q. Why did the guy quit his job making furniture out of plants?
A. Because it was no bed of roses.

Q. What do you call swampy plant and animal life in Louisiana?
A. Bayou Diversity.

Did you hear about the successful bonzai plant grower? His next project is a miniature golf course.

Q. What do you call the large hill where baby animals and plant sprouts flourish?
A. The Mountain of Youth.

Q. What do chickens grow on?
A. Eggplants!

Plant Lovers Pick Up Line: Hey baby, is your name Fern" 'Cause I am growing frond of you.

Q. What do allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flower plants?
A. An aster-risk.

| Plant Jokes and Flora-ble Puns | Lawn Weed LOLs | Garden Decor Jokess | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Veggie Garden Puns | Garden Patch Jokes | Garden Animal Jokes | Neighborhood Humor |
| Gardening Jokes and Bloomin Funny Garden Puns | Gardener Jokes | Gardener Come-Ons |
| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
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| Mouse Jokes | Owl Hoots | Rabbit Humor | Snake Puns | Spider Jokes | Big Bigfoot Laughs |

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You've still planted here, so leaf out to even more growing laughter,
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