Gnome & Toad with Pot Leaves: Gnome Grown - Garden Puns, Green Jokes, Grow Groans!

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Q. Why are
gardeners the
best gossips?

A. 'Cause
growers have
the best dirt.

Dockyard: A Physician's Garden.

Q. How do
young green

A. By trowel
and error.

Q. What do
at school?


Q. Why does Santa have three gardens? A. So he can ho ho ho!

Q. Why is Yoda
such a great

A. 'Cause he
has a green



Gardener Jokes and Backyard Horticulturist Puns
Get down and dirty with green thumb puns, greener grower humor, and home gardening jokes.

Master Gardener Jokes and Homegrown Humor
(Because Backyard Grower Jokes and Green Gardener Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream At the Garden Club!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Garden hobby jokes, dirt humor, and a bounty of home groan harvest puns ahead.
| Gardener Jokes and Backyard Grower Humor | Gardener Pick-Up Lines | Gardening Jokes |
| Garden Decor Jokes, Lawn Ornament LOLs | Plant Puns | Lawn Weeds Humor | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Veggetable Garden Puns | Garden Patch Jokes | Garden Animal Jokes | Neighborhood Humor |

Q. Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A. Because they were too corny!
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden? A month later, he was picking his teeth!
Hulk Asks: What is a great name for a gardener? A. Alonso Greene!

Q. How can you tell blooming gardener jokes are bad?
A. When they're a real pain in the aster.

Q. Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
A. It's acorny one!

Q. Why didn't anybody laugh at the gardener's jokes?
A. 'Cause his puns were weedy bad.

Q. What did the tulip flower use an online dating app?
A. It was looking for some-buddy to love.

Q. Why did the master gardener give up on the the assessment of the shrubbery with the home owner?
A. He couldn't get a word in hedge-wise.

Q. Why did the blonde gardener plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

When the gardener's wife said she was leaving him because of his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

Q. How does a gardener know that his veggies are on his side?
A. They're always rooting for him!

Q. What does a gardener call peas and carrots that don't want to be together?
A. Steamed veggies.

Q. How are gardeners like doctors?
A. Both bury their mistakes.

Q. What do you call a grumpy, short-tempered gardener?
A. A Snap Dragon.

Q. What did the dandelion seed head say to razz the gardener?
A. Blow me!

Q. Which day of the week do gardeners dread the most?
A. WeesDay.

Q. What is the bankrupt gardener's New Year's resolution?
A. To forget the past, and rely on the fuchsia...

Q. Why did the the blonde gardener wear dark glasses?
A. Because she was growing sunflowers!

Q. What kind of socks does a gardener wear? A. Garden Hose!
Q. What happened when a guy fell in love with his garden? A. It made him wed his plants!
Q. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? a. A Lawn Moo-er.

Q. Why did the old grower garden in the nude?
A. Because that's cheaper than a scarecrow!

Q. What did the aging gardener say to his wife on their anniversary?
A. Like a prune, you aren't getting better looking, but you are getting sweeter!

Q. How does a gardener throw a hearty backyard party on Saturday night?
A. By turning up the beet

Q. Which type of tree is most commonly found in a gardener's kitchen?
A. A Pantry.

Q. What is the wise gardener's mantra?
A. Weed 'em and Reap!

Gardener's Lament of the Day: If only I could grow green stuff outdoors, the way I can in my refrigerator...

Q. What does a romantic gardener get if they plant kisses?
A. Tulips.

Q. Why couldn't the gardener see well without glasses?
A. Due to a-stigma-tism.

Q. What does a gardener call it when your rose bush never blooms?
A. A bud omen.

Green Gardener's Marriage Vows: Do you, Gardener, take this Garden, to weed from this day forth?

Q. What do allergy sufferer gardenes call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
A. An aster-risk.

Gardener Groan of the Day: There is something missing from my garden flower bouquet, she said lack-a-daisy-cally.

Q. How did the gardener know it was time to buy a new lawn mower?
A. His old one just didn't cut it anymore!

Q. What do gardeners call a dessert pastry topped by fresh lawn clippings?
A. Pie ala mowed!

Q. What do healthy plants say to encourage a weary gardener?
A. Peat, I be-leaf in you!

Q. How can you tell an organic gardener is a true master?
A. He is out standing in his manure!

Q. What do you call a master gardener's formal speech about the progress of pungent bulbs?
A. A state of the onion address.

Gardener Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, are you a garden? 'Cause I really dig you!

What did the alien say to the gardener? Take me to your weeder!

Q. why did a gardener plant a light bulb? A. He wanted to grow a power plant!

Q. What do you call a bank that also carries gardening supplies? A. A savings and loam!

Q. Which song goes through a gardener's head while he pulling weeds?
A. Thistle While You Work.

Gardener Pick-Up Line: If you were a flower, I'd pick you!

Q. Why didn't the feminist blonde gardener pull out one particular kind of unwanted plant?
A. 'Cause it was chickweed. DUH!

Q. What do gardeners call white-flowering shrubs that are entirely perishable?
A. Mere myrtles.

Q. Why did the gardener plant a thorny rose bush in the landscape's empty patch?
A. He thought thistle do.

Green Wisdom: Gardening is just another day at the plant!

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. You have a decorative container of compost on your kitchen counter.

Sage Gardener's Wisdom: Compost is proof there IS life after death!

Q. How do green gardeners send mail?
A. Via the compost office.

Gardening Grin of the Day: Gardeners with green thumbs always know the ground rules!

Q. What is a gardener's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.

Q. Why didn't the lady gardener marry her beau?
A. Because he was too rough around the hedges.

Q. Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
A. He had a really long Honeydew list.

Murderously Funny Gardener's Words of Wisdom: New backyard landscaping projects are great places to hide bodies.

Unashamed Gardener's Excuse: A little dirt never hurts.

Anti Pick-Up Line for Gardeners: Everybody in your family must be a cactus, because you're a real prick!

I have no idea how to raise chickens? So I guess I'll just have to wing it!
Old Horticulturists Never Die, They Just Go to Pot
I Just Got Garden Supplies at Gnome Depot.

Urban Farming Point to Ponder: If you have backyard chickens and take care of them, are you a chicken tender?

Q. How can you tell it's too hot in your backyard henhouse?
A. The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Q. What did the gardener say to her dog, Barry, after he dug up her fruit patch?
A. That's the last straw, Barry!

Q. What happened when the gardener decided to plant only nectarines trees?
A. Everything went peachy keen.

Q. Why did the gardener need a cork?
A. Because his garden sprung a leek!

Gardener Parenting Point to Ponder: If you yell at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Q. How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
A. All the rocks in your garden went belly up!

Garden Rap of the Day: Sedges, like hedges have edges. Grasses, like asses, have holes...

Wife: Hon, you planted the wrong kind of flowers.
Husband: Oopsie Daisy?

Q. How does a weedy green gardener grow her own dope?
A. She plants a man!

Q. What does a gardener get if he crosses a burglar and purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.

Did you hear about the successful bonzai gardener? His next project is a miniature golf course.

Q. Why did the gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he didn't have enough cabbage.

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. You'd rather spend a day shopping at a nursery than at a clothing store.

Today's Gardening Fact: God makes rainy days so that gardeners can get their housework done.

Q. What happened to the gardener that didn't return his library books?
A. He got a vine.

Q. What is a gardener's favorite court sport?
A. Squash.

Giant Green Gardener's Wisdom: Growing your own veggie garden will bring peas on earth!

Hulk with Pot Leaves: Old Growers Never Die, They Just Go to Seed
Q. Why does Santa have three gardens? A. So that he can Ho Ho Ho!

Hulk Says: Yuck, I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!

Q. Why did the gardener stop using his machete to clear his way through his overgrown backyard plot?
A. Because he couldn't hack it.

Today's Garden Tragedy: I used to be a gardener, but I lost the plot.

Q. What is a gardener's least fave British Invasion tribute band?
A. The Japanese Beetles!

Q. Why did the gardener quit?
A. His celery wasn’t high enough.

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. You plan your vacation to hit every arboretum, botanical garden, and eco park at your destination.

Q. What is a marsh gardener's favorite movie?
A. Bog to the Future!

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. During your free time, you'd rather fart around in the garden instead of watch TV.

Q. What was Eve's role in the garden?
A. Eden mother.

Old green-thumb gardeners never die. They just go to seed.

Q. What's the best part about being an urban gardener?
A. Getting down and dirty with the hoes.

Q. What do garrdeners feed their thristy plants?
A. Root Beer.

Green Thumb Chat Up Line: Hey babe, I dig gardeners!

Blonde Gardener Point to Ponder: Why does fire grow when it's fed, but die when it's watered?

Gardener Point to Ponder: If you leave your jacket outside with a packet of seeds in the pocket and it starts to rain, would you get a chia coat?

Q. What do ghosts gardeners wear?
A. BOOOts.

Q. When do werewolf gardeners have a shootout at the Denver County fair?
A. At high moon!

Q. Why couldn't the bachelor gardener's horse go faster than a walk?
A. He Cant-a-loupe.

Q. Why did the landscape maintenance guy become a drummer?
A. 'Cause he liked to beat around the bush.

Q. After working with cow poop, how does a gardener clean her hands?
A. She gets a manure-cure.

Hot Chile Gardening Fact of the Day: Habaneros bite!

Q. What did the gardener say to her new unurly flowers?
A. You're grounded!

Q. What does a gardener call a collection of fruit trees that's being badly neglected?
A. A tortured orchard.

Backyard Botany Point for Gardeners to Ponder: With fronds like this, who needs anemones?

Q. What did the polite gardener say to Edgar Allan Poe to quickly warn him that he's about to walk into a Blue Spruce?
A. Poetry!

Q. Where do poems come from?
A. Poe-trees.

Q. What is the last thing a hard-working gardener does at the end of the day?
A. He leaves.

Old gardeners never die, but they do push up daisies.

Q. How did the old vegetable gardener die?
A. He just spaded away.

| Gardener Jokes and Backyard Grower Humor | Gardener Pick-Up Lines | Gardening Jokes |
| Garden Decor Jokes, Lawn Ornament LOLs | Plant Puns | Lawn Weeds Humor | Farmer Jokes |
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Veggie Garden Puns | Garden Patch Jokes | Garden Animal Jokes | Neighborhood Humor |
| Garden Gnome Jokes | Lost Gnome Jokes | Creepy Garden Gnome Puns | Mobile Gnome Jokes |
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| Mouse Jokes | Owl Hoots | Rabbit Humor | Snake Puns | Spider Jokes | Big Bigfoot Laughs |

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