Q. What do you call a bank that also carries gardening supplies? A. A savings and loam!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Lawn Mower Jokes, Sod Puns, Grass Roots Humor
Mow along with yards of lawn LOLs, mown grass humor, edgy turf puns and manicured lawn jokes.

Lawn Jokes, Turf Puns, Greens Grass Humor
(Because Cutting Grass Jokes and Weedy Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream After You're Mowed the Lawn!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Sharp blade jokes, lawn mowing laughs, yard humor and sod-ways puns ahead.
| Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
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Q. What is your lawn's favorite day of the week? A. Dews-Day!Hulk Asks: What is a great name for a gardener? A. Alonso Greene!Q. What did the alien dandelion say to the earth dandelion? A. Take Me To Your Weeder!

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.

Q. What did the exhausted guy say when he gave up on mowing the grass?
A. I fought the lawn and the lawn won!

Q. Whcih kind of lawn seed do cutting-edge comedians prefer in their turf?
A. Wry grass.

Q. Why did the lawn mower cross the road?
A. To get to the other sod!

Q. What does a macho guy say after he's finally done mowing the lawn?
A. I really kicked grass!

Q. How did the gardener know it was time to buy a new lawn mower?
A. His old one just didn't cut it anymore!

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. Then it's soaked in blood and tears.

Green Math of the Day: I always thought a yard was three feet long, but then I started mowing the lawn...

Q. What did the woman say when a neighbor asked to borrow her lawnmower?
A. Sorry, he's not home yet.

Q. Which cop show do sprinkler repairmen binge watch?
A. Lawn and Order.

Q. Why did that frog throw himself in front of the guy's lawn mower today?
A. He wanted to Kermit suicide.

Q. Why do millennials like EMO grass?
A. Because it cuts itself.

Q. What do you call a cow eating grass? A. Lawn Moo-erQ. What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A. A Fence!Q. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? a. A Lawn Moo-er.

Q. How did the hot new sod company describe its approach to getting more business?
A. Grass roots.

Q. How can you tell a horny gnome has been using your lawn mower?
A. Your astro-turf welcome mat has been trimmed into a come mat.

Q. How does a short cow in tall grass feel?
A. Udderly tickled.

Gardening Point to Ponder: When the lawn care guy went broke, could he take out a loam?

Garden Rap of the Day: Sedges, like hedges have edges. Grasses, like asses, have holes...

Q. What did the dandelion seed head say to razz the gardener?
A. Blow me!

Q. Who wrote the casual turf care book, Make a Wish on Your Lawn?
A. Dan D. Lyon.

Q. Why did the anemic guy decide that all the lawns on earth should be cut in a square pattern?
A. He mow globe in cells.

Q. What do gardeners call a dessert pastry topped by fresh lawn clippings?
A. Pie ala mowed!

Q. Why did the new e-grass invented by a subsidiary of Tesla Motors fail?
A. Because it had an e-lawn musky odor.

Q. What is the perfect summer weekend morning?
A. When the sky is blue, flowers are blooming, bees are buzzing, birds are singing and your neighbor's lawn mower is broken.

Weedy Funny Lawn Care Trivia: Did you know the cheetah is faster dandelion?

Dandelions Say: Happy Weeds-Day!Zombie asks: Ho do you keep a Denver Bronco out of your yard? A. Put up goal posts! Go Broncos!Happy Cannabis Says: Happy Weed's Day!

Gardening Laugh of the Day: The neighbor kid asked to borrow my lawn mower, so I said: "Sure, but you can't take it out of my yard."

Gnome Garden Factoid of the Day: Your grass cannot be three feet tall, because then it would be a yard!

Q. Why do leprechauns giggle while they run?
A. Because the grass tickles their balls.

Q. What did the sign in front of the drug rehab center say?
A. Please Keep Off the Grass.

Q. Why was the lawn crew at the Denver Broncos' stadium given the Best in Grass Award?
A. Because they were out standing in their field.

Q. Why was the guy slumped over his lawn mower and crying?
A. He'd been through a really rough patch.

Lawn Care Mown of the Day: My grandfather used to enjoy cutting his grass, but now he's lawn gone.

Midnight Gnome Pick Up Line: Hey Gnirl, let's make like gnomes and wake up in the front lawn.

Even blondes know this garden factoid: The grass is always greener where you water it!

Q. What does a garden gnome call a lawn decoration with a naked lady on it?
A. A lawn whorenament.

Q. Which kind of company replants lawns using crop dusting planes flown by balding pilots?
A. A reseeding airline.

Q. Why did the neighbors fire their lawn mowing guy?
A. He just didn't make the cut.

Q. What do you call rude Canada geese in a Colorado park? A. @#$%^&*! And, Coloradans are pretty polite.Trying to putt with so many geese on the green is for the birds! and that's putting it mildly!Q. What do you call a rude Canada goose in Colorado? A. One? Are you freaking serious?

Q. Where should you take your neighbors cat if you accidentally ran over it with your lawn mower?
A. To the nearest retailer.

Q. Why did the blonde try to get her cat to cut the grass?
A. Because he was a great lawn meow-er.

Q. What is the lawn mowing guy's favorite song?
A. Stacey's Mom.

Q. What do you call acres of extremely somber grass?
A. A graveyard.

Q. What do you call a little green man surfing the Internet in your garden?
A. Your brother-in-lawn!

Q. How did the old landscaper die?
A. He was weeded out.

Greens Point to Ponder: Why is it so easy to wake up at 6:00 A.M. to play golf on Saturday morning than to wake up at 10:00 A.M. to mow the lawn?

Q. Why did the guys arrive early at the golf course?
A. To use the practice green and just putter around.

Q. What is the extra charge for the side salad at the golf course clubhouse?
A. A greens fee.

Q. What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
A. The arbor-ate-em.

Q. Why is Sunday called a day of rest?
A. Because you're doing the rest of the laundry, rest of the lawn mowing, and the rest of everything else that didn't get done on Saturday.

Q. What do gnomes call it when their lawn and patio are covered in water fowl?
A. A porch o-geese.

Manicured Lawn Point to Ponder: If horses replaced cars, would gas stations be converted into grass stations?

Q. What does a thirsty lawn do to survive through dry spells?
A. It has to make dew.

Q. Why do blondes in Texas smuggle in grass from Mexico?
A. Because it's always greener on the other side.

Q. Do old lawn care professionals ever die?
A. No, they just recede.

Today's Incredible Factoid: The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The Hulk smashed it down into the mud.

| Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
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