Where should you take your neighbors cat if you accidentally
ran over it with your lawn mower?
A. To the nearest retailer.
Why did the blonde try to get her cat to cut the grass?
A. Because he was a great lawn meow-er.
What is the lawn mowing guy's favorite song?
A. Stacey's Mom.
What do you call acres of extremely somber grass?
A. A graveyard.
What do you call a little green man surfing the Internet
in your garden?
A. Your brother-in-lawn!
How did the old landscaper die?
A. He was weeded out.
Greens Point to Ponder: Why is it so easy to wake up at
6:00 A.M. to play golf on Saturday morning than to wake
up at 10:00 A.M. to mow the lawn?
Why did the guys arrive early at the golf course?
A. To use the practice green and just putter around.
What is the extra charge for the side salad at the golf
A. A greens fee.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
A. The arbor-ate-em.
Why is Sunday called a day of rest?
A. Because you're doing the rest of the laundry, rest of
the lawn mowing, and the rest of everything else that didn't
get done on Saturday.
Q. What do gnomes call it when their lawn and patio are
covered in water fowl?
A. A porch o-geese.
Lawn Point to Ponder: If horses replaced cars, would gas
stations be converted into grass stations?
What does a thirsty lawn do to survive through dry spells?
A. It has to make dew.
Why do blondes in Texas smuggle in grass from Mexico?
A. Because it's always greener on the other side.
Do old lawn care professionals ever die?
A. No, they just recede.
Incredible Factoid: The grass is always greener on the other
side, unless The Hulk smashed it down into the mud.