Colorado Native Wisdom: Getting to the top of the mountain is great fun, but it's all downhill from there.

Q. Why are Colorado hiking supply stores so diverse?
A. Because they employ people from all walks of life.

Q. How did the Colorado 14-er know the foothill was lying?
A. Because it was only a bluff.

Q. Why was Lt. Worf such an outstanding Colorado mountain climber?
A. Because he was a true Kling-on.

Q. If you're hiking in Colorado and find a fork in the road, what should you do?
A. Stop for lunch!

Two stoners were out for a mountain hike and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One pothead said the other, "Wow, he really had to go bad!"

Q. Why couldn't the Colorado mountain hikers cross the footbridge?
A. It had fallen arches.

Colorado Insider Outdoor Camping Tip: If you get cold in your tent, just go stand in the corner because it's always 90º there!

Q. What do Colorado brown bears call campers in sleeping bags?
A. Soft Tacos!

Q. How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while white water rafting in Colorado?
A. Stay away from the river's mouth.

Q. What do you call stage actors who like to go fly fishing along the Frying Pan River in Colorado?
A. Cast members.

Q. How can you tell that a Colorado mountain lake has become very popular with anglers?
A. Because the parking lot had fishing lines.

Q. What do you call a vacation home on the best trout fishing stream in Colorado?
A. Reel estate.

Did you hear about the Colorado mountain climber who broke his left arm and left leg? He's all right now.

Q. What do you call the guy who misplaced the gooey treats on the Colorado camping trip?
A. A s'more loser!

Q. How do Colorado natives describe a camping trip to Rocky Mountain National Park?
A. In tents!

Q. Why don't mummies like to go camping in the Colorado Rockies?
A. They're afraid to relax and unwind.

Q. After a night of camping in eastern Colorado, what did the Lone Ranger say when he woke to see his tent had blown away by a tornado?
A. Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore!

Q. What do Coloradans call a doctor who lives at a tent-filled mountain resort to treat visitor's afflictions?
A. A camp-pain manager.

Q. Why does Humpty Dumpty prefer camping in Colorado during autumn?
A. Because he has a great fall!

Q. What do hikers call it when big hairy spiders unexpectedly rain down out of the sky near Four Corners, Colorado?
A. A tarantula downpour!

Running up a steep Colorado hillside can be great exercise, if you are so inclined.

Three blonde hikers from Brush, Colorado were in Pike National Forest and came across some tracks. The first one said, "It looks like bear tracks." The second said, "No, it looks like beaver tracks." Before the third could say anything, they all got hit by a train... Dam!

Local Colorado Gossip of the Day: Did you hear about the kidnapping on Pike's Peak? It's okay ­ he woke up!

Q. What's another Colorado local term for a sleeping bag?
A. A nap sack.

Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.

Q. Do old mountain climbers ever die?
A. No, but they do go downhill.

Q. What do you call the insatiable urge to climb all of Colorado 14-ers?
A. Being drawn to scale.

Rocky Factoid of the Day: Colorado is the only place where it's acceptable for a man to brag about how many 14-ers he's been on top of.

Q. Which classic cartoon guy was incredibly skilled at climbing Colorado's Rocky Mountains?
A. Popeye the Scaler.

Miles High Fact of the Day: The mountain climbers who worked together to reach the summit teamed up.

Q. Why are Colorado mountain climbing puns so funny?
A. Because they really peak your interest!

Q. Why was the mountain climber able to reach the summit so quickly?
A. 'Cause she was in tip-top shape.

Q. What do you call a Colorado high country hiker who tells tall tales?
A. A snow fake.

Q. How do you describe the hiker who always climbed to the summit of Pike's Peak on her birthday?
A. Getting up there in years.

Q. How do you define pathological if you're hiking near Steamboat Springs?
A. A reasonable way to go...

Q. What is it called when you believe everybody in Colorado who brags about discovering a new water-worn ravine?
A. Gully Bull.

Q. Why should you hike a mile high?
A. The view is amazing up here.

Q. While camping in Colorado, how do you keep your sleeping bag from getting stretched out?
A. Don't sleep in it too long!

Q. How did campers in the remote campground build a campfire.
A. In the sticks.

Did you hear about the blonde camper who slept like a log? She woke up in the campfire...

Q. What do Colorado natives do when they're hiking and see a sign warning about bruins?
A. Bear that in mind!

Q. What steps should you take if you see a mountain lion while hiking on Pike's Peak?
A. Very large ones.

Q. What do you call it when your Rocky Mountain National Park campsite is smaller than you expected?
A. A Tents Situation!

You might be hiking outdoors in Colorado if high gusts are bothering you. And, you might be in Boulder if uninvited guests bother you. You might be outside a pot shop, if nothing bothers you.

Q. If a hipster on a hike trips and falls in the Evergreen, Colorado forest, does he make a sound?
A. Yes, but you won't likely hear of it.

Q. Why did the hipster tube down the High Line Canal south of Denver?
A. Because the South Platte River was too mainstream.

Q. Why do local hipsters always dig exploring old gold mines located near Central City, Colorado?
A. Because they're so far underground!

Q. What did the Colorado tourist, who had put on some pounds, say to the other mountain hikers?
A. Weight up!

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe while hiking along the High Line Canal trail south of Denver?
A. It means some unfortunate horse is walking around barefoot.

Coloradan Groan of the Day: A novice camper in Rocky Mountain National Park went down to Estes Park trying to buy a camouflage tent, but couldn't find any.

Q. What is the definition of a successful Colorado hunting trip?
A. When three men manage to kill nine cases of beer in two days.

Q. What happens if a see-level eyeball hikes up to the top of Pike's Peak too quickly?
A. It gets Eye Altitude Sickness.

Q. Why did the hipster go swimming in the hot springs at Glenwood?
A. Because it was not cool yet.

Q. Why did a near-sighted guy from Kansas fall into Glenwood Springs while on a day hike?
A. Because he didn't see that well!

Q. What do you call it when a voyeur Bigfoot spies on horny campers in sleeping bags?
A. Going Sacks-Watching!

Rocky Mountain Hiker Point to Ponder: Do native sasquatches resent all of the big new foot paths in Colorado parks?

Q. Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike along the South Platte River near Deckers, Colorado?
A. In a big footlocker.

Q. How does Mt. Elbert Sasquatch travel so high and far in one day?
A. He takes big footsteps.

Q. How does Sasquatch find his way through the remote woods?
A. He sticks to the big footpath.

Q. If a blonde camper in Pike National Forest has three tents in one hand and six sleeping bags in the other, what does she have?
A. Big hands. Duh!

Q. How did the camper end up with a poison ivy rash in his hair?
A. It was a real head-scrathcer.

Q. What do Coloradans call the insatiable urge of Bighorn Sheep to climb mountains?
A. Being drawn to scale.

Q. Why did the cow in Colorado cross the road?
A. In an attempt to evade the cattle multilators.

Did you hear about the Colorado tourist who got cold while paddling up stream? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. What do Coloradans call a narrow connecting waterway in the mountains that's getting narrower every year?
A. A recessive strait.

Q. How did the blonde hipster drown in Evergreen Lake?
A. She ice skated before it was cool.

Q. Why is Sawatch Sasquatch such an excellent rock climber?
A. 'Cause he's great at getting a big foothold.

Q. How did hikers who hadn't seen each other in years meet by pure chance?
A. They just crossed paths.

Q. Why does Bigfoot only leave a few random footprints behind?
A. Because Sasquatch doesn't leave litter in the pristine Colorado outdoors.

Q. Why are there so many Bigfoot sightings reported by hikers up on Mt. Elbert in Colorado?
A. Because it's in the Sawatch Range.

Q. What should you do if you actually find Bigfoot while hiking in Colorado?
A. Scream, and run for your life, but pause to take a selfie, first!

Q. What's the difference between a man camping and a Pike National Forest Sasquatch?
A. One's covered in matted hair and smells bad. The other has big feet.

Q. What does Bigfoot say when he sees Colorado campers in sleeping bags?
A. Yum, Hot Pockets!

Q. How did the old hiker die?
A. He just trailed away.

Old spelunkers never die, but sometimes they do cave in.

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