Q. Why do toilet seats detest unisex bathrooms?
A. Because of all the ups and downs.

Q. Why did the Energize Bunny spend so much time in the bathroom?
A. Because he just kept going and going...

Q. If you're American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
A. European.

Q. What is the most popular type of bathroom joke?
A. Urine is the clear winner at #1, but poop is a solid #2!

Q. Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
A. Because the P is silent.

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!

Q. What did the judge say to the flooded bathroom stall at the courthouse?
A. Toilet, you are out of order!

Q. Why did the lawyer ask the witness if he had to go to the bathroom?
A. Because his testimony was full of crap.

Q. What kind of bathroom humor do toilets enjoy most often?
A. Sh*tty jokes.

A guy bought a toilet brush because he saw one in every other bathroom. But, after giving it a whirl, he decided to go back to using toilet paper.

Did you hear about the guy who always takes blurry pictures in the bathroom mirror after taking a hot shower? He has a high selfie steam problem.

Q. What should you do if you struggle with your identity?
A. Go into the bathroom and look into the mirror, because that's the best place for self reflection.

Q. What do they call the public restroom at a filling station?
A. The gas can.

A peephole was discovered in the women's restroom at the donut shop today. The police are looking into it...

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Police say there were definite skid marks leading up to the scene of the accident.

Q. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
A. To do his duty.

Q. How is toilet paper like life?
A. You're either on a roll or taking a bunch of shit from some asshole!

Q. What happens if your house is robbed and the dirty crookstook a third of your shirts?
A. You're left with shit.

Q. What do you call a book in the bathroom that you write your personal thoughts in?
A. A diarrhea.

Q. What happened when a guy asked an attractive woman to meet him in the restroom?
A. She totally blew him off.

Q. Why are men's rooms always on the left and ladies' rooms always on the right?
A. Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're really full of shit.

Q. Where will you find the cleanest restrooms on a road trip?
A. At the guest station.

Q. What is the busiest time in public restrooms?
A. Poo Thirty!

Q. What do you call it when a drunk passes out on the toilet?
A. Pooper Stuper.

Q. What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A. You look flushed!

Did you hear about the constipated composer? He had problems with his last movement.

Q. What happens if the power goes off while you're in the bathroom?
A. You can't see sh*t.

Q. What is the end product if you accidentally poop in your overalls?
A. Dung-arees.

Q. What did diarrhea say to poop?
A. Wow, you really are in shape!

Q. How does a swimmer piece of shit greet the rest of the guys in the pool?
A. What's crappening, turds!

Q. Why did the guy always smash up bathrooms decorated with ceramics?
A. Because he had a wreck tile dysfunction!

Q. Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?
A. Because he was dribbling.

Q. What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
A. Urination.

Q. Why are toilet paper jokes so funny?
A. Because they really crack you up!

Q. What do you call farts caused by eating refried beans along with onions?
A. Tear Gas!

Q. What should you say after farting loudly in a public restroom?
A. Systems check cleared, ready for drop!

Q. What happens after you spray orange-scented air freshener in your bathroom?
A. Then it smells like shitrus.

Do clown farts smell funny?

The new boss has designated bathroom break times for all the employess. Now it's my turn. I don't need this sh*t!

Q. What do you call it when you get in your car, and then realize you need to use the bathroom?
A. A turd of events.

Q. Why should you never mess with a janitor who is cleaning a clogged bathroom?
A. Because when they're plunging a toilet, sh*t goes down.

Q. Why shouldn't you let a Dutch cobbler use your bathroom?
A. So he doesn't clog your toilet.

Q. What do you call it when you're diagnosed with paranoia and constipation?
A. Scared Shitless!

Q. What did the constipated guy say to the stubborn stool?
A. You may think you're the shit, but to me you're just a turd waiting to be flushed.

21st Century Bathroom Point to Ponder: What kind of graphic symbol is PC and acceptable to display to label a public uni-sex restroom?

Q. What did the toilet say when a naked tailor walked into the bathroom?
A. Seat yourself.

Bathroom Point to Ponder: Why does your shower always get turned on whenever you undress in the bathroom?

Q. What kind of temperment do you need to work in a toilet paper factory?
A. You need to have a Charmin disposition.

Q. Why are the toilets in amusement park haunted house bathrooms six inches higher than normal?
A. Because they want to keep visitors on their toes.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune contestant?
A. He wanted to buy a bowel.

Q. What did the cannibal say after he dumped his wife?
A. Please pass the toilet paper.

Q. Which new bathroom wipe was popular with consumers for only a few months?
A. Faddy Tissue.

Q. What did the ophthalmologist say when the patient asked him to pause the eye test because he had to go to the restroom?
A. Number 1, or number 2?

Tourist in Scotland Point to Ponder: How do you know which restroom to use if the graphics on both doors are wearing skirts and/or kilts?

To the big asshole who stole my broken bathroom scale: There is no way you'll get a weigh with it!

Q. What did Doctor McCoy call the diarrhea outbreak on the Starship Enterprise?
A. Star Trek Reruns!

Q. What is the technical term for an airplane restroom that's in use?
A. A hypotenuse.

Q. What's the difference between a toilet and a graveyard?
A. Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.

Q. Why should you always tip the bathroom attendant?
A. Because he's one guy who has certainly seen some sh*t.

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