Gnirl, you have the right to bear me in your arms!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Chimp asks: How are men like coolers? A. Load thm with beer, and you can take them anywhere!
Q. What do you call a pickle run over on a highway? A Road Dill!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. One one, but it takes a butt load of Bud Light!
Whiskey bottle remarks: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the problem!

Q. Which USA state is the favorite of pirates? A. Arrkansas!
Martini says: I was drinking at the bar, so I thook the bus home. Problem is, I've never driven a bus before!

 


Redneck Jokes, Southern Man Puns, Inbred Humor
Pickup on trucking funny Deep South puns, hillbilly humor, and well-armed redneck jokes.

Good 'Ol Boy Jokes, Redneck Humor, South Puns
(Because Mobile Redneck Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If You're Riding in the Back of a Pickup Truck!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution and Beer! Trailer jokes, hillbilly humor, and relatively funny redneck puns ahead.
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Painful bar joke: Q. What are a redneck's famous last words? A Hold my beer and watch this!Hey Gnirl, are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only 10 I see!Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver if he's got and ID. Driver says: "Bout what?"

Q. What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?
A. In the end, someone is gonna lose a house trailer.

Q. Why did the redneck buy colored pencils before getting his flu shot?
A. 'Cause he heard vaccines can make you artistic.

Q. What is the difference between a redneck and a good 'ol southern boy?
A. A good 'ol boy raises lifestock, but a redneck gets emotionally involved.

Q. How many rednecks does it take to eat an opossum?
A. Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for oncoming traffic in both directions.

Q. If a blonde and a redneck jump off a skyscraper who will hit the ground first?
A. The redneck, 'cause the blonde will stop to ask for directions.

Q. When is it okay for you to post redneck jokes online?
A. Only if you're a blonde. DUH!

Good 'Ol Boy Fact of the Day: Rednecks love more races than other groups – Indy 500, Daytona, Talladega and NASCAR.

Q. How can you prove you're a redneck?
A. You're an extra on Duck Dynasty.

Q. Why are redneck lite beer drinkers?
A. Bbecause they start drinking beer as soon as it's light.

Q. Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?
A. Because the DNA all matches, and there are no dental records.

Q. How do we all know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck in the state of Arkansas?
A. 'Cause if it was invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.

Redneck Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the new law in Arkansas? Now, if a husband and wife are divorced, they still remain brother and sister.

Q. How do you know you're a closet redneck?
A. Ya'll always take your toothpick out when having your picture taken.

Gnirl, are you a bag of trash? 'Cause I want to take you out tonight!
 

Q. What do a Redneck and
T-Rex have
in common?

A. Both like
their
small arms.

 
Dumb bar riddle: Q. what's printed on the bottom of beer bottles in the south? A. Open other end!

Q. What do you get when you have 28 rednecks inside a trailer?
A. A complete set of teeth.

Q. How do you know you're a redneck of exceptional breeding?
A. Your dogs' names are Earl, Bubba, Skeeter, Billy Bob, Lee, Boogar, Junior, and Roy – just like your brothers.

Q. How do you knw you're not a redneck?
A. More than half of your cars actually run.

Q. How do you know fer sure you're a redneck?
A. Over the years, all of your neighbors have been on Jerry Springer.

Q. How can you tell you're at a redneck wedding?
A. Nobody knows which side of the aisle they should sit in.

Q. Why did the redneck bodybuilder wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym?
A. To exercise his right to bear arms.

Q. Why was the redneck, who liked to shoot guns and drink whiskey, all bummed out?
A. Because he was all out of shots.

Q. How can you break a redneck's nose without touching him?
A. Put a six-pack underneath a glass-top table. OUCH!

Q. How does Ancestry dot com know you're a redneck?
A. Your family tree is a log with no branches on it.

Good 'Ol Boy Fact of the Day: Northeners joke abour rednecks, but just wait. When the zombie apocalypse happens, you'll wish armed rednecks lived next door.

Q. How can you tell you're a redneck?
A. You've lost at least one tooth opening a bottle of beer.

Q. How can you spot a Redneck Jedi at a bar?
A. He opened his bottle of Budweiser with a lightsaber.

Q. How do you know you've encountered a Redneck Jedi?
A. He uses his R-2 unit as a beer coaster.

Q. Why do pigeons fly upside down over redneck trailer parks?
A. 'Cause there ain't nothing worth crapping on down there.

Q. How do you know fer sure you're a redneck?
A. You've been married four times, but you still have the same in-laws.

Q. How do you know you're
a Redneck?

A. You got a
DUI mowing
your lawn.

 
Hey Gnirl, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first!
 

Q. How do you know you're
a Redneck?

A. You think harass is
two words.

Q. How do you know you're a true redneck?
A. Ya'll finally got 'round to mowin' the lawn and found your cousin's lost car.

Q. Which new country song is the saddest of all time?
A. The one where the redneck sings about his wife, dog, and self-driving pickup truck all leaving him.

Q. How do you know you're a redneck?
A. You've been to the ER to have a fishing hook removed from your back – more than once.

Q. What makes you an official redneck?
A. Your fishing license is your only ID.

Redneck Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I'd rather have you than a new set of monster truck tires.

Redneck gnome dude is obviously an accountant or mathemetician because this pun really smarts.

Q. Why do your redneck neighbors envy you?
A. Your wife has several fur coats, and they're all homemade.

Q. How can you tell you were born to be a redneck?
A. Your mother has been in a fist fight at every sporting event she's attended.

Q. How can you break a redneck's nose without punching him?
A. Put a $20-bill on the floor under a glass-top coffee table. OUCH!

Q. How do you know you were born to be a redneck?
A. Your gene pool doesn't have a deep end.

Q. How can be sure you're officially a redneck?
A. People keep stopping by your trailer 'cause they think you're having a yard sale.

Q. What is the difference between rednecks and Muslims?
A. Rednecks are drunk when they marry theri cousins.

Q. What is a big sign that you're a redneck?
A. Your fridge and your wife weigh damn near the same amount.

Q. What's a fer sure sign you're a redneck?
A. You bet Cousin Bubba that the stock market has a fence 'round it.

Q. How do you know you were destined to be a redneck?
A. Your parents named you Bubba.

Drinking Joke: She Was Only a Whiskey Maker, But He Loved Her Still.
 

Q. What do
Rednecks call
a goat on
a mountain?

A. Hillbilly.

 
Stinky Pun: Hey, did you fart? 'Cause you just BLEW me away!

Q. How do you know you're a good 'ol boy?
A. You get a Christmas card from Jack Daniels every year.

Q. How can you confirm you're a redneck?
A. Jim Beam sends you a birthday card every year.

Q. How do you know you're a bonefide redneck?
A. When you walk into the local bar, everybody burps your name.

Q. What makes you a redneck foodie?
A. You swear fast food is when you take out a possum doing 80 MPH.

Redneck Chat Up Line: Hey Bubba, ya'll are cooler than a new set of tire chains.

Q. Why did Ancient Aliens cross the road?
A. To study all the rednecks and sleazy junk dealers on the so-called History Channel.

Q. How do you know you're a good 'ol boy?
A. Swamp People is your favorite show on the History Channel.

Q. How do you know fer sure you're a redneck?
A. Your tackle box includes dynamite and blast caps.

Q. How can you tell you're a redneck?
A. You swear fast food is hitting an armadillo at 70 MPH.

Q. For a redneck, what's long and hard?
A. Fifth grade.

Stinking Funny Redneck Pick-Up Line: Hey girly, my love for you is just like a fart. I just can't hold it in.

Q. How can you tell you're a redneck?
A. Your evening bubble bath involves eating beans for supper.

Q. How can you tell you're a good 'ol redneck?
A. A late night toilet visit involves a flashlight and mud boots.

Q. What is a good sign you're a true redneck?
A. There's crime scene tape surrounding your outhouse.

Redneck Hookup Line: How'd ya'll like to have a look-see at my monster truck?

Chimp remarks: Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean...on tables, chairs, and random people!Q. What do you call a stoner's wife? A. Mississippi!Beer mugs ask: What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four guys drinking beer and watching a football game!

Q. How do you know you're a nationally recognized redneck?
A. Your beer can collection is a state tourist attraction.

Q. How can you tell a redneck is fashion conscious?
A. Both his dog and wallet are on matching chains.

Q. How do you know your new neighbors are rednecks?
A. There are two pairs of jeans, a pair of squirrels, an a possum hanging from their clothes line.

Q. How do you know you're a card-carrying redneck?
A. Your home has more miles on it than your car does.

Q. How do you know the guy next door is a redneck?
A. He borrowed your leaf blower to clean out the interior of his pickup truck.

Q. Which cellphone service provider is located in Birmingham's state?
A. Mobile Alabama.

Q. How do you know you were born to be a redneck?
A. Your given name is Skeeter.

Q. What is the official Arkansas state bird?
A. The Red-necked Mosquito.

Q. Why is it kind of a bummer to be a redneck kid at Christmas time?
A. 'Cause ya only got one set of grandparents to get gifts from.

Q. How do you know you're a true redneck?
A. You've actually been too drunk to go fishing.

Q. How do you know fer sure you're a redneck?
A. Your house is mobile, but you have three cars that are not.

Q. How do rednecks spend a balmy night?
A. They grab a six-pack and a bug zapper for an entertaining evening in the trailer park.

Q. How do you know you were detined to grow up redneck?
A. if your first pet was a possum.

Q. Why is it okay to post redneck jokes online?
A. 'Cause they can't read 'em.

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