Q. Why are most blonde jokes one liners?
A. So men will understand them!

Q. What does Bones McCoy say before blonde brain surgery?
A. Space, the Final Frontier.

Q. Why did the blonde fan love Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty and Sulu so much?
A. 'Cause she had a one-Trek mind.

Q. Why didn't the blonde major in time travel?
A. She didn't think there was any future in it.

A salesman approached a blonde and asked her if she'd like to buy a pocket calculator. The blonde replied, "No thanks, I already know how many pockets I have."

Q. Why did the blonde pirate navigator get the crew lost?
A. Because he had ship for brains.

Did you hear about the topless bar that tried to have a Polka night? All the blonde accordianists kept getting hurt!

Q. Why did the blonde smack her camera with a frying pan?
A. She wanted a pan-o-ram-ic shot.

Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.

Q. What is it called when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
A. Artificial Intelligence!

Q. Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A. Peroxide.

Q. Why did the blonde farmer plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

Q. Why did the the blonde farmer wear dark glasses?
A. Because she was growing sunflowers! Duh!

Q. What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink less whiskey?
A. Duh! I can't find that brand anywhere!

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Leave a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q. Why didn't the busty blonde doing the backstroke panic when she saw a shark fin nearby?
A. Duh, 'cause it was a man-eating shark!

Q. What did the blonde say after losing the breaststroke swimming event?
A. She got mad and accused the others of cheating 'cause they used their hands!

Q. What name did the coach give the all-blonde swim team?
A. The Hydrogens.

Q. Why did the blonde throw money into the river?
A. She wanted to better understand cash flow.

Q. Why did the blonde only wear glasses while playing tennis?
A. Because tennis is a non-contact sport!

Q. Why did they stop doing the WAVE at Bronco's Stadium?
A. Too many blonde fans were drowning.

Q. What happened when the blonde went to the mind reader?
A. She got her money back...

Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. What do you call a fly buzzing in a blonde's head?
A. A space invader.

Q. What do you call a group of blondes in one place?
A. A vacant lot.

Q. Why didn't the brunette eat at the Italian restaurant?
A. Her blonde friend told her the food cost a pretty penne.

Q. Why did the blonde give her cow a hammer?
A. Because it was time to hit the hay!

Two blondes were on a road trip to Denver. The sign said, "Denver Left," so they started crying and went home.

Q. Why did the blonde bring spelunking gear to her dentist's office?
A. She heard there was a big cavity and wanted to explore it.

Nobody knew the blonde had a dental implant, until it came out in conversation.

Q. Why did the blonde forget about a tooth right after the dentist pulled it?
A. Duh! Because it goes right out of your head!

Q. What happened to the blonde who put her dentures in backwards?
A. She accidentally ate herself!

Q. How did the blonde try to fix her broken molar?
A. With toothpaste!

Q. Why did the blonde send her dentist a note?
A. Toothank him!

Q. What happened when the Italian chef let a blonde borrow his car?
A. She returned it al dente, after seeing her dentist.

Customer: This coffee tastes like dirt!
Blonde Waiter: Yes sir, that's because it was ground this morning.

Q. What did the blonde say when she dropped her coffee mug and it shattered?
A. That's the end of my coffee break. Duh!

Q. What happened when the blonde used Redbull to brew her coffee instead of water?
A. She got halfway to work and realized she forgot her car.

Q. Why did the blonde keep an old bag of coffee laying around?
A. For sedimental reasons. Duh!

Q. Why did the blonde barista quit her job at the coffee house to focus on art?
A. 'Cause she wanted to espresso herself.

Q. Why did the blonde softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
A. So they'd get more runs than the opponents.

Q. Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blonde outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
A. 'Cause she's a bad catch.

Q. Why was the blonde just standing in the middle of the busy intersection?
A. The Walk sign changed to Don't Walk, so she just stopped.

Q. Why did the blonde nurse carry a pen with red ink?
A. Just in case she needs to draw blood.

Doctor: You've lost a lot of blood.
Blonde: Ooh, that can't be good.
Doctor: No, it's not. You're the worst blood bank manager we've ever had.

Q. What do you call a brunette in the middle of two blondes?
A. An interpreter.

Q. Why did the blonde tailor have his eyes replaced with yarn balls?
A. Because he wanted fiber optics.

Q. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A. A mental block!

Q. What do you call an acting troup made up entirely of blondes?
A. Fair play.

Q. What did the Florida beach blonde say after hearing Oslo is a cold vacation destination?
A. There's Norway I'd ever go there!

Blonde Gardener Point to Ponder: Why does fire grow when it's fed, but die when it's watered?

Q. Why did the blonde go broke?
A. Because her head was full of not cents.

Q. Why did the blonde toss out all her new pennies?
A. Because they were a new-cents.

Q. What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Lock the door.

Q. What did the helpful blonde bank teller ask the client?
A. Do you need to draw money? I could offer you a pencil.

Q. Why did the blonde bar patron claim to be cosmopolitan?
A. 'Cause she was full of vodka and cranberry juice.

Q. What did the psychiatrist say to his blonde nurse?
A. Please just say, "We're really busy," instead of "It's a madhouse in here."

Q. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A. The brunette because the blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why did the blonde go outdoors with her purse open?
A. Because they predicted change in the weather.

Q. Why did the blonde have a contact lens problem?
A. Duh, because she didn't have any contact lens solution!

Q. Why did the blonde think her optometrist was in love with her?
A. Because when she leaves the office, he hands her a bottle of contact solution saying, "Eye care for you."

Q. Why did the clever blonde decide to rinse her eyes with ketchup?
A. Duh! Because Heinz-sight is 20/20.

Q. What did her dad say after the blonde handed him his 50th birthday card?
A. Thanks so much, but one would have been enough.

Q. Why did the blonde tape popcorn on the ceiling?
A. It's cheaper than a smoke alarm, and it doesn't require batteries.

Customer: There's no chicken in this chicken soup!
Blonde Waiter: Duh, there's no horse in the horseradish, either.

Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blonde Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park!

Q. Why did the blonde farmer get a brown cow?
A. She wanted chocolate milk.

Q. Where do blondes hold family reunions?
A. The vegetable patch.

Q. What did the blonde get on her SATs?
A. Nail polish.

Q. Why did the blonde take her bra off while watching a show at the comedy club?
A. Because she liked to laugh her straps off!

Q. Why did the blonde ghost try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big boobies.

Q. Why did the blonde vampire try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big fangs and thangs.

Blonde Locksmith Moment at the Hair Stylist: It looks like we're locked out?

Q. Why didn't the blonde freak out after she realized she forgot her key?
A. She remembered she didn't lock the door.

Q. Why did the frustrated blonde dieter refuse to swallow her pride?
A. 'Cause the last thing she needs right now is even more empty calories.

Q. Why was the blonde soprano standing outside the door?
A. She forgot the key.

Q. Why did the blonde like the clothing boutique right below her apartment?
A. 'Cause it was clothes to home. Duh!

Q. What do you call a really smart blonde?
A. A Golden Retriever.

Q. Why did the blonde try to steal a cop car?
A. She saw 911 on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

Q. Why did the blonde Broncos fan cross the road?
A. Somebody said, "Hey."

Q. What do you call the new blonde teller at the bank?
A. The Nutella!

Q. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A. Change.

Q. Why did the blonde weight watcher consume a bill with Lincoln's image on it?
A. 'Cause that was dietary fiver.

Q. Why did the blonde use her wall clock as a Frisbee?
A. 'Cause she wanted to see time fly.

Q. Why did the blonde guy think he was safe from a zombie attack?
A. 'Cause zombies don't go after Brians.

Medicated Point to Ponder: If a blonde goes upstairs to get her meds, does that mean she's coming down with something?

Q. Why did the blonde put her money in the freezer?
A. She wanted cold, hard cash!

Q. Why did the blonde aspire to become a selfie photographer?
A. 'Cause she pictured herself doing that. DUH!

Q. Why did the blonde baseball player put springs on his cleats?
A. Because he was getting ready for spring training!

Q. Why did the blonde return her new scarf?
A. It was too tight.

Q. Which job did the blonde have at the M&M factory?
A. Proof Reader.

Q. What is a blonde's fave retro band?
A. Air Supply.

Q. Why didn't the blonde take up shadow boxing?
A. She didn't want to knock herself out!

Two blondes were walking down the street when it started raining coins. One of them told the other, "That is just climate change."

Q. Why did a blonde woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Q. Why did the blonde always trim the ends off of her ADHD pills?
A. To avoid side effects.

Q. Why did the blonde like the wording of her beau's wedding proposal?
A. Because it had a nice ring!

Q. How does a psychic refer to the blonde client?
A. Light reading.

Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. For throwing away the Ws.

Blonde Technology Point to Ponder: The new iPhone uses facial recognition to unlock it, so can I still use it after I take my makeup off?

Q. What happened after the blonde ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles?
A. She had consonant vowel movements.

Blonde Computer Bugs: It says, "Press Any Key to Start." Where is the Any Key?

Q. Why did the blonde kick her computer?
A. She was trying to boot it up.

Q. Why did the blonde think credit cards were really dangerous?
A. 'Cause every time she tried to use one, somebody started chasing her with scissors!

Q. Why was the blonde hiding from exercise?
A. Because she was in the Fitness Protection Program.

Today's Workout Tip: Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you.
– Some Blonde, Duh!

Q. What happened to the suicide blonde?
A. She dyed by her own hand.

Q. What do you call six blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.

TV News Reporter: Where is the best place to begin the fight against terror?
Blonde: Haunted houses. Duh!

Q. What do you call a blonde who has lost half of her intelligence?
A. Divorced.

Q. Why did the blonde throw a quarter at her boyfriend's head?
A. She was trying to knock some cents into him.

Q. Why did the blonde cheerleader bring string to the Denver Broncos game?
A. In case they needed to help tie the score.

Did you hear about the blonde hipster who wore a jacket in Grand Junction, Colorado during summer, before it was cool? EMTs took her to the ER due to heat exhaustion.

Blonde: My son came here to Denver on his summer vacation.
Friend: Did you meet him at DIA?
Blonde: No, I've known him his whole life.

Q. What does Yoda say when some dumb blonde says something he obviously already knew?
A. No-Duh!

Q. How are space aliens and smart blondes alike to a sci-fi nerd?
A. Neither has tried to contact him.

Q. What is the difference between smart blondes and UFOs?
A. UFOs are reported all the time.

Q. Which sci-fi gathering do busty blonde aliens attend?
A. Areola 51. Duh!

Smart Blonde Logic of the Day: I'll bet you a quarter that you're stupid. Heads I win, tails you lose.

Q. Why did the bonde guy wear a sweater knitted out of Golden Retriever hair?
A. 'Cause he wanted to look quite fetching.

Q. Why is it so hard to talk to blondes about new high fashion trends?
A. 'Cause it just goes in one year and out the other.

Blonde: I always use one deodorant in my right arm pit and a different deodorant in my other pit.
Gal Pal: Why?
Blonde: 'Cause that's just my two scents,

Q. Why did the blonde hang a decorative curtain in her veggie garden?
A. 'Cause it was the awning of the age of asparagus. DUH!

Q. Why did the blonde buy another set of wind chimes to hang in her yard?
A. 'Cause it was a sound investment. DUH!

How can you spot the blonde who drank an entire bottle of wine? She's the one dancing like a stripper...

Q. What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink Less wine?
A. Duh! I don't speak French, plus I can't find that brand anywhere!

Q. What did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.

Q. Why did it take the blonde guy a whole week to topple his heady beer?
A. 'Cause foam wasn't spilt in a day!

Q. Why did the blonde snort Sweet'n Low?
A. She thought it was Diet Coke.

Q. Why did the blonde always leave a penny on the toilet lid after taking a dump?
A. Just so that a cent covers the odor. DUH!

Sailor: I know a pirate with a wooden leg named, "Bob."
Blonde: Reallly? I wonder what his hook is named?

Q. What did they call the dumb blonde pirate?
A. The Pillage Idiot.

Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? Duh, she missed.

Q. What do you call a dozen blondes standing in a circle?
A. A Dope Ring!

Q. What is it called when a blonde guy blows in a blonde girl's ear?
A. Data Transfer.

Q. Why are there so few brunette jokes?
A. Because blondes have to think them up.

Q. Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
A. She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.

Q. Why did the blonde toss her clock out the car window at 75 MPH?
A. She wanted to see time travel fast.

Q. What do you call a hot blonde time traveler who's late?
A. Pregnant. Duh!

Q. Why did the blonde tape a bag of microwave popcorn to the ceiling?
A. 'Cause the old smoke alarm needed to be replacef.

Q. What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink less vodka?
A. Nyet! I can't find that brand anywhere!

Q. Why was the blonde's year end resolution to stop using spray deodorant?
A. 'Cause she wanted to roll in the new year.

Q. Why was the blode wearing a bulletproof vest while using the computer?
A.To protect herself from screen shots. DUH!

Q. Why did the blonde only consume coins and paper money?
A. 'Cause she was on a cash diet.

Q. Why did the blonde pilot try to land on the river delta?
A. 'Cause it was a flood plane.

Q. Why did the blonde in the car with the wild paint job get pulled over?
A. The cops said it was a graphic violation.

Q. What happened when the blonde left her ADHD medication in her Ford Fiesta?
A. It turned into a Ford Focus.

Q. Why did the traffic lights flash yellow?
A. They were programmed by a blonde!

Q. What happened when the blonde went on a crash diet?
A. She crashed into two cars and took out a telephone pole!

Did you hear about the blonde jogger who got tired while running in front of a car? Later when she ran behind it, she was exhausted.

Q. Why did the blonde stop using her exercise bike?
A. Because she simply wasn't getting anywhere.

Q. Why did the blonde stop by the bowling alley when she got a flat tire?
A. 'Cause they always have spares there!

Q. What is one advantage of being with a blonde?
A. You can park in the handicap spot.

Q. Why did the blonde guy put a stove in his car?
A. To get a hot rod.

Q. How does a blonde measure IQ?
A. He holds a tire gauge to his ear.

Q. Why did 17 blondes stand outside the rave?
A. The sign read: "Must be 18 to Enter."

Blonde: Can domestic beer make you smarter?
Brunette: Well, it made Bud wiser.

Q. How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.

Q. What do Aussie cannibals call it when they're having a petite blonde for dinner?
A. Barbie-Que.

Q. Why did the blonde guy think he was safe from a zombie attack?
A. 'Cause zombies don't go after Brians.

Two blondes were out on opposite sides of the South Platte River near Deckers. The first blonde shouts, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The second blonde replies, "You are on the other side! DUH!"

Q. How did the blonde save the man who was drowning in the river?
A. She tossed him a bar of soap, and he washed up on shore.

Q. Why did the blonde toss her jar of manonaise into the Colorado River on May 5?
A. 'Cause it was Cinco de Mayo. DUH!

Q What happened when the blonde didn't look into his rearview mirror before backing up?
A. He was dumbstruck.

Q. What happened after a blonde put Red Bull in the hummingbird feeder?
A. She saw a bird actually travel back in time.

Q. Why did the blonde put a bandage on her flamingo lawn ornament?
A. 'Cause it hurt its pinky. DUH!

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