What happened when the guy wanted a soft mattress but his
A. She took a firm stand.
Why didn't the guy's wife want him to buy their new mattress
at Beds Beds Beds?
A. 'Cause their motto is: "We stand behind every
mattress we sell."
Groan of the Day: My wife sent me to sleep on the couch.
It's just like camping, but with a big angry bear in the
What happened after the guy bought his wife a water bed?
A. They drifted apart.
What happens when the guy took both Ambien and Viagra before
going to bed?
A. He had a long hard sleep.
What is something most people lie about?
A. A bed.
Why did the guy have a couch in his bedroom?
A. It gave him a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Do old hide-a-bed designers ever die?
A. No, they just roll away.
Why did the cops detain the mattress store delivery truck
driver that sped by?
A. Because he could blow their cover.
mattresses never die, but they do lose their spring.
What happened when a married guy replaced their bed with
A. His wife went through the roof.
What do you say when you've finally found the perfect bedroom
A. Chest my luck!
What did the shoppers say when the salesman asked how their
hunt for the perfect couch was going?
A. Sofa, so good.
What happened to the guy who drank furniture polish and
A. It's a sad story with a beautiful finish.
Why is it so wrong to bully somebody in a wheelchair?
A. 'Cause they can't stand up for themself.
What do you call a witty comedian in a wheelchair?
A. A quip-ple.
What do you call two people in a wheelchair?
A. A pair of plegics.
What do you call somebody who reupholsters their sofa in
really expensive fabric?
Do old sofa upholsterers ever die?
A. No, because they always recover.
Why did the mattress need to go see a doctor?
A. Because it had spring fever.
Why did the guy go to the home furnishings store called
A. He was looking for one nightstand.
What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A. A cherry on a float.
What is the best tool for locating furniture in the dark?
A. Your pinkie toe!
Why did the blonde open a bar without any furniture?
A. She wanted it to be the best, bar none.
What do couch potatoes evolve into?
A. Computer chips.
What did the blanket say while it was siipping off the bed?
A. Oh sheet!
What is Irish and lives right outside your back door?
A. Paddy O'Furniture.
What do Brits call a couch that can see into the future?
A. A sofar.
What are those broken condoms doing on our couch?
A. John, the kids have names...
Why did the old furniture upholsterer die?
A. He just couldn't recover.
What do you call shoppers waiting in line to purchase a