Q. What do you get if you cross thought and a light bulb?
A. A bright idea!

Q. How many bar flies does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to keep drinking until the room spins.

Q. How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but nobody knows how they got in there, man!

High Wattage Point to Ponder: If you laugh at funny weed puns, but groan at light bulb jokes, do you have high standards?

Q. How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just beat the room for being black.

Q. How many Who Dunnit writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and a second to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q. Why does Chuck Norris use a nightlight?
A. Because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Lawyers don't change light bulb, even though they're great at screw jobs.

Q. What did the light bulb say to the generator?
A. I really get a charge out of you!

Q. How many environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. What? If the light bulb is out, that's what Mother Nature intended!

Q. What does a Colorado light bulb calla miller moth on marijuana?
A. Buzzed and annoying as splat.

Q. How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. 'Cause they're not interested in that short wave stuff.

Hipster Stoner Tip of the Day: It is imperative that one smokes weed before it is cool! That passe burned out light bulb can wait.

Q. How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Toucan do it, and pair-ots will tell everybody about it.

Q. How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just give the bulb some exercises to do believing it will be better the next time they see it.

Q. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 20,000 years.

Q. How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Billions and billions. Light bulbs are part of interstellare goo that pervades our universe; they are star stuff!

Q. What do you call driving on backcountry roads with the high beams on at night?
A. A bright idea.

Q. How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Squirrels only change bulbs that are NUT broken.

Q. How many tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to hold the bulb, and four to ask for directions.

Q. How many spammers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. But, they'll offer to sell everybody in the www world a quick and profitable way to do it.

Q. How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but the bulb really has to watt to change!

Q. How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. What does it matter? We're all going to die anyway!

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They'd rather just prescribe Prozac.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just say the bulb's condition will turn around.

Q. How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to design the T-shirts.

Q. How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Um, does it really have to be a light bulb?

Q. What does a pothead say when he's heading out the door to walk home?
A. I'm burned out like that light bulb. T H C you later!

Q. Which day of the week do burned out light bulbs enjoy the most?
A. WeedsDay! 'Cause matches, lighters, candles and stove burners light up the night.

Q. How many robot engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. He designs a bot that can climb up the wall, unscrew the old bulb, and screw itself in. (Sorry, we don't know what happens to the old bulb!)

Q. How many general relativity physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to rotate the universe.

Q. Why did the lights go out?
A. Because they were filled with delight.

Q. How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. It depends if you Count Dracula.

Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but nobody knows how they got in there!

Q. How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but he needs at least three bulbs.

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, as long as it's a revolving stage.

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. ONE. Actors do not like to share the spotlight!

Q. How many method actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Uh, what's the light bulb's motivation?

Q. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's the stage manager's job.

Q. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. Drummers don't screw in light bulbs; they screw in hot tubs!

Old light bulbs never really die, but they do blink out.

Q. How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to boogie up the ladder, and one to say, "Get Down!"

Q. How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'm tired of all your questions and I'm just going to ignore your darkness.

Q. Why did the teacher have to turn the lights on in the classroom?
A. Because the students were so dim.

Q. How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. A Brazil-lion!

Q. How many country music singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw in a new bulb, and one to write a song about it.

Q. How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to force it with a hammer, and four to shag out for more bulbs.

Q. What does a Mallard need to screw in a light bulb?
A. Manual ducks-terity.

Q. How many ducks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One will take a quack at it.

Q. How many dumb blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Um, what's a light bulb?

Q. How many real women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Real women have real men around.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance.

Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They'd rather wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant at that time.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Take two aspirins and call in the morning...

Q. How many dentists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. 4 out of 5 dentists recommend you just do it yourself.

Q. What do you get when you cross an active volcano with a light bulb?
A. A lava lamp.

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