Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all. - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids? A. An ass-teroid!
Q. What's another name for exercise? A. The Joy of Flex!
When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"
Q. What did the group of sedentary executives with expanding waistlines call their worouts? A. Middle Management!


Fitness Jokes, Diet Puns, Pumped Up Humor
Get a funny bone workout with gym jokes, fitness humor, plump puns and ripped roaring laughs.

Workout Humor, Diet Jokes, Funny Fitness Puns
(Because Our "Laugh Your Way to Fit" Approach Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Overweight Sour Pusses!)
Warning: Try to Keep a Straight Face When You Ask Your Doctor or Dietician About the "Laughing Out Loud Diet!"
| Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 | Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes |
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| Sports Jokes | Gym Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bodybuilder Jokes | Running Jokes | Sports Pick-Ups |
| Football Jokes | Broncos Jokes | Baseball Puns | Boxing Jokes | Skiing Jokes | Swimming Puns |

Diet Joke: Q. When should you go on a cheese diet? A. When you need to cheddar few pounds.Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 17,500 times!Diet Joke: Becoming a Vegetarian is a Big Missed Steak.

Q. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.

Fitness Failure: I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.

Q. What is a buff Wisconsin dairy farmer's favorite arm exercise?
A. Cheese curls.

Q. What do you call a fitness center that's dirty and smells like socks?
A. Gym-nasty-um.

Q. What do you call a steady diet of Painful weight loss Puns?
A. A joke binge.

Did you hear about the hungry clock on a diet? It went back four seconds.

Dieting Point to Ponder: Can a successful dieter win the Nobelly Prize?

Fun Fitness Fact: Did you know eating oysters can increase your mussel mass?

Q. Why did the blonde get a perm?
A. 'Cause her fitness trainer said curls might help. Duh!

Diet and Fitness Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I know of a fun aerobic exercise that can burn 500 calories an hour...

Q. Why did the pleasingly plump guy claim he was in shape?
A. 'Cause round is a shape, too!

Q. Which exercise is most popular at the cutlery warehouse store?
A. Fork lifts.

Q. What do crazed vegan zombies eat?
A. GgggRrrAaaaIiiiNNnnSss!

Diet and Fitness Fact of the Day: Some diets cause a gut reaction.

Q. What does a bodybuilder on a strict all-bean diet repeat in his mind while he deadlifts?
A. Don't fart, don't fart, don't fart...

Sign outside a steak house restaurant: Eat Here Diet Home

Q. Why did the blonde dieter get kicked out of Fat Fighters at her first visit?
A. Because they did not offer sumo wrestling there.

Q. What is the slogan at the new bodybuilder gym that's exclusively for for meat eaters?
A. Beef-It!

There's a new machine at my gy. Only used it for an hour and I started to feel sick. It's good though. It does everything: Kitkats, Snickers, Mar Bars, Doritos...A Successful Diet Is: The Triumph of Mind Over Platter.McCoy Says: Yes, Klingons do work out at the He's Dead Gym!

Fitness Point to Ponder: Why don't some people exercise their mind as much as they exercise their body?

Q. What is the lazy guy's idea of a good workout?
A. Doing diddly squats.

Workout Wisecrack: I would tell you a gym joke, but you'll have to weight for it...

Q. Why did the newbie weightlifter get fed up and quit the gym?
A. Because his name is Max and he really hated all the jokes.

Fitness Fact of the Day: Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Q. Which kinds of vegetables are into weight liftting?
A. Muscle sprouts.

The fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears, but now he's only eating foods with sorghums.

Diet and Fitness Point to Ponder: Wouldn't charting your weight loss diet progress on a pie chart just make you crave more dessert?

Q. Why did the gym named James shut down?
A. It just didn't work out.

Q. What happens when you're the only one at the gym using the speed bag?
A. There's no punch line!

Q. Why didn't the dinosaur go to the gym?
A. 'Cause he did not believe in the survival of the fittest. OUCH!

Wise Workout Tip: Before every workout, always warm up with at least 10 reps of selfies to both Facebook and Twitter.

Diet Pun: A Lot of Dieting Is Wishful ShrinkingGym Joke: My struggle with steroids has only made me stronger!They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it because it was full of carbs.

Unhealthy: What thin people call you when you are fat, and fat people call you when you are thin...

Q. What do you call a group of priests working out at the parish fitness center?
A. Muscle mass.

Q. What is the name of a binary value that eats right and exercises?
A. A Fit Bit.

Q. Why did a priest open a gym across the street from Satan's Fitness Center?
A. To exorcise his demons.

Man at the Gym: I want to impress a girl. Which machine should I use?
Trainer: Try the ATM outside.

Gym Pick-Up Line: You must be a track star because you've been running through my mind all day!

Q. Why should you go to the paint store if you are on a diet?
A. You can get thinner there.

Did you hear about the new movie about the Atkins Diet? It's called, "Dude, Where's My Carbs."

Q. What's the name of the new online exercise business that delivers equipment to your front door, if you requested it or not?
A. Jehova's Fitness.

Q. Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A. To get better buns!Hulk Asks: What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose? A. Yoga Pants!Gym Pick-Up Line: Is your body from McDonald's? 'Cause I'm Lovin' It!

Beefy Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, let's do lunge!

Q. What diet dessert describes your girlfriend after a strenuous workout at the gym?
A. Sore Bae.

Q. What is it called when a doctor tests your physical fitness level?
A. Looking at the vigor picture.

Pumped Up Pick-Up Line: Girl, I followed my heart, and it led me to the gym.

Q. What do some paid athletes take for peak performance?
A. Pro-team supplements.

Diet and Fitness Groan of the Day: A new guy joined the gym and dropped 10 pounds very quickly. Luckily, it missed his foot!

Q. Why did the newbie listen to her fitness trainer?
A. Because he always did things as he saw fit.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Did you get those yoga pants on sale? 'Cause at my place, they're 100% off!

Q. What condition do you have if you're sick of going to your fitness center to work out?
A. Gym Nausea-m.

Fitness Point to Ponder: Wouldn't excercise be more fun if calories screamed when you burned them?

Q. Why did the bodybuilder go to the hospital?
A. Somebody told him he was cut!

Helen was so fit that she didn't even like it when she gained one Troy ounce...

Q. What is a zombie's favorite gym exercise?
A. Undeadlifts.

Q. What is the biggest fear of an obese ghost?
A. Being exercised.

| Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 | Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes |
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